Friends or more??

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To start I need to point out that I am openly gay and not on the autism spectrum.

Last year I started to notice this guy hanging around at work, he was very quiet and kept to himself but found reasons to be in my part of the building even though he has no real reason to be in our office (it is open plan though and we all mix freely). I thought he was trying to get one of the young girls to notice him as some are very beautiful and all have friendly personalities. It was obvious he was a bit socially awkward but I didn't really give it much thought.

One day we were having a chat when this guy popped up and one of the girls said my secret admirer was back again. I asked what they ment and she told me that this guy only ever comes in when I'm working and never if I'm not. My work colleagues couldn't believe I hadn't picked up on it before but I thought they were wrong.

Anyway I decided to try and talk to him. The first time was difficult as he wasn't expecting me to talk to him and he looked very uncomfortable but he didn't stop comming over (if anything he came over more) and slowly he began to relax. It took weeks of chit chat for him to become comfortable. Once by accident I found out we had a shared interest in World War II history and we had our first deep conversation. Eventually he began joining me for lunch and we even walk part way home together.

During this time I start to think he really did have an interest in me and is trying to work up the courage to tell me. I'm getting certain signals that lead me to believe he's hoping I'll take the next step but I never act on them.

One day we're walking home together and he tells me he has Aspergers. I do some research and its left me wondering if I've got it all wrong.

His signals might not be signals at all, if what I'm reading is right then he is more likely to be direct rather than give subtle signs. He could have just been hanging around because I'm friendly (which is true, I get on well with everyone) and he just wanted to make friends. I've even read that its not uncommon to mistake men with Aspergers as being gay because they can come across as quiet and don't display the usual "Alpha Male" personality traits (broadly speaking) so I could be seeing what I expected to see.

I didn't befriend him with the hope that it would lead to anything. I've met someone I can share my interests with, he's great to talk to, makes me laugh with his quirky sense of humour, is good company and my life is better for knowing him.

Is it best to just let things be and if anything happens then it happens?

Hi there. While i am not gay, i am an aspie.
The way you describe his way of getting to know you sounds very similar to something i would do to approach a girl. And while it is true that aspies sometimes can be painfully direct, there is also the problem of the more social parts of communication. Knowing what you feel and being able to communicate that can be difficult. This way of making contact may be him trying to communicate his feelings to you to the best of his ability.

While i obviously cannot know exactly what he feels of thinks, i can say that to "let things be and if anything happens then it happens" is a somewhat risky play. For myself and a lot of aspies we don't really know how to "make things happen" in terms of relationships/sexuality, they happen to us, rather than something we actively make happen in the traditional sense.
Also, you say you are openly gay and while that may be something "everyone" knows, he may very well not know. Being up to date on gossip is not exactly an autistic trademark.

I am gay and an Aspie, and I can say that the behavior you are describing sounds like stuff I would do when I had a crush on a guy. I would hang around him, find reasons to be near him, maybe try to casually talk to him. Not to try to date or get romantic, but just to be able to see that person more. Sort of like a very intense friendship. Aspies can have intense special interests, and people that we like can sometimes become our special interest. When I worked as a teller for a bank, there was this guy I really liked. He was straight, so I knew it would never amount to anything, but I did everything I could to wait on him when he came in and I would try to talk to him (which often just amounted to dry-throated silence). I would NEVER bring up my interest in a guy myself for fear that I had read the guy wrong, so this friend of yours might be desperately waiting for you to make the move and not have the confidence to do it himself.

Without knowing this guy, I can say that if he is anything like me:
1. he probably does have a crush on you.
2. the best way to deal with this situation is to be direct. Ask him right out if he is gay (tell him it's ok with you if he is). He might just be enjoying your friendship, since Aspies have a hard time making friends. If you want to still be friends with him, tell him that too. Aspies don't understand hints, but we can be good at direct conversations. You can tell an Aspie something directly that might be hard to directly say to a neurotypical person. (Example: if you aren't interested in him, tell him in a kind but clear, direct way. If you ARE interested in him romantically, it's probably best if you tell him that directly, too.)

Thank you both for your replies, it's was helpful to hear from a straight person and a gay person but also from people with Aspergers themselves.

I will have to give it some thought and decide what to do next. My biggest worry is ruining the friendship we've worked hard to nurture. Time will tell I suppose.

Another gay Aspie here.

My best guess is that he does have a thing for you - but - mmmmaaybe not.

If I were in your shoes I'd bring the subject up & find out. Then you'll have your answer.

Also, I doubt he'd be offended by your inquiry if he's not gay and not interested in you in that way. Aspies tend to be quite.. logical. So if he's not into you I very highly doubt it would ruin your friendship. He'd just indicate he wasn't into you and carry on hanging out and talking war history once that topic was out of the way.

But all indications are that he is likely attracted to you and has no clue how to say so, so you bringing it up sometime will likely be nerve wracking for him - but also a great relief.

Let us know how you approach the subject and how he responds. I'm definitely curious to hear what happens next.

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Also just wanted to add that I think it's a bit funny of your coworkers to expect you to have known that the guy only comes around when you're there... how the F would you know he didn't come around when you're not there, when you're not there? lol some people sometimes..

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.