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Gyokusai
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08 Dec 2013, 2:22 am

Why do I always see people grousing about needing help from an insurance company to transition / srs.

This is not meant to be hurtful or insensitive, I just simply don't understand.
Yes I know that it is expensive, especially SRS and even more so for FTM.
I just don't understand why people seem to feel that some nameless faceless corp entity should help them.

Perhaps some background may help as to why I am having difficulty understanding.

I have been postop for over 20 yrs.
I started transitioning at 19 and completed SRS a week after my 23rd birthday.
I did this pre internet piecing together needed information from what I could find in libraries and a handful of others who were either in transition, post op or stuck in transition I met along the way.

My family uncovered my secret when I was 17, and confronted me.
When I admitted my feelings they told me I was sick and had me committed to a mental hospital.
I continued and graduated from High School while there.
My "family" had me discharged before because the mental hospital was not changing my mind.
While what friends I had left after my family outed me to them to try to pressure me to say I did not feel what I felt were celebrating their graduations, I was graciously given 6 weeks to find a job and a place to live ( My father saying that since I was now 18 they were no longer legally responsible for me, and if this I what I was going to choose to do then they would have nothing to do with me)
This was the 1980's, not exactly a renaissance period for LGBT, and especially not in the southern US.

I struggled for a couple years doing odd jobs, menial labor etc trying to find some kind of stable footing to work from.
I started counseling, I paid for it out of my own pocket.
I started hormones, I paid for these out of my own pocket ( of which I had a hell of a time getting because the medical community felt at 19 I was too young to make this kind of decision, fact is I still got them perhaps not through legal means)
When ever I needed to change doctors I made sure I knew everything I could about current treatments,dosages, surgeries etc.in order to combat the prejudice that I was too young to make this decision.

After 2 yrs on hormones I could no longer pass as a boy, and started living full time as a girl.
I walked into the local DMV and told them there was a mistake on my driver's license (my name was androgynous) and that the gender marker was wrong. They examiner looked at the license, looked at me and changed the gender marker. (Prior to that the trick was to "accidentally" smear the gender marker with some nail polish. )

I started a vo-tech school for electronics repair while working through temp agencies.
I lived in bug infested efficiency that was a little over 100 sq ft. in a poor section of town simply because it was cheap ( $135 / mo )
I drove a car that was literally held together with bailing wire and bubble gum, and when it needed to maint/repair and I could not afford it I would check out a Chilton's manual and learned to fix it myself.

I applied for any kind of job within the electronics field I could find.
I was finally hired on at a company that was a DOD contractor that built radios for the Army & Navy.
I started there as a girl, afraid that someone would discover that I was pre-op and fire me.
No one did, I worked there for 3 yrs, in that time I put half of each paycheck (before taxes) into savings.
I worked overtime when it was offered.
I lived out of goodwill stores for clothing, or hand me downs from the 2 friends I had ( who were also transgender, one post the other pre)
I went with out heat in the winter when it was cold, or Ac in the summer to reduce utility bills.
I did not have cable, and the internet was not in existence.
I would skip eating on weeks that there was not enough money left over, to avoid touching what I was putting in savings.
At $500/ mo it felt like it would never happen, and there were many times I felt alone, scared and depressed with no one to talk with or turn to.
(Support groups were far a few between and what there was were populated mostly with 50+ yr bemoaning why life had been so unfair to them)
There were many times I felt like the easier/only solution was to die by my own hand.

However, by the time I was mid way though my 22nd year I finally had enough, and had surgery scheduled.
I completed SRS a week after my 23rd birthday.
I paid for everything cash out of my own pocket.



I share this not to impress or solicit sympathy but to impress upon anyone who is reading that if an aspie girl with no social skills, little/no family support, and only a high school education could manage to pull off getting SRS w/o assistance from a health insurance company then why can't others?

Yes it was a lot of sacrifice and pain, no I am no one special and yes it is not fair to have to go that much hell to accomplish something that should not be that difficult to obtain.
But again this is reality and it is, what is and you deal with what cards life deals you. After I got past the "Why did life do this to me" I settled on something more useful "Carpe Diem"

So I end with the same question I posed at the beginning:

Why do I always see people grousing about needing help from an insurance company to transition / srs.

This is not meant to be hurtful or insensitive, I just simply don't understand.
Yes I know that it is expensive, especially SRS and even more so for FTM.
I just don't understand why people seem to feel that some nameless faceless corp entity should help them.



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08 Dec 2013, 2:46 am

Because I don't think many of us can handle that saving job/shouldn't have to go through it/etc. I think SRS should be available to everyone who needs it.

For me, it has been a struggle. Saving brings my need into clear focus, which causes me to panic and retreat. The panic cost me 3 hospital stays and $6,000. The stress is too much for me.

Luckily, if push comes to shove, I can pilfer my retirement accounts in the next few years to get SRS. That's how I save. Not thinking about it at all and letting it happen automatically. I can't do the same with my bank account and I don't make enough money to know I can set aside money and know I don't have to use it.


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08 Dec 2013, 2:58 am

Look at it like this: I am determined to get SRS through whatever source I can, and that might involve convincing my company to cover it. It is, after all, a legitimate medical need, so they're wrong not to cover it.


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08 Dec 2013, 3:08 am

Gyokusai wrote:
I would skip eating on weeks that there was not enough money left over, to avoid touching what I was putting in savings.


Doing this for me I know would cause a destabilization of my mental state, which would make saving completely hopeless and cause me to end up in the hospital with even more bills. Hell, I just tried living with another person, and the severe anxiety from that had actually started the destabilization process, causing me to develop symptoms of psychosis.

Simply put, I'm not built that tough.

I need 3 square meals to eat, a roof over my head, the ability to self-stimulate, constancy in my schedule, etc., or my functioning will take a hit.


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Gyokusai
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08 Dec 2013, 4:20 am

beneficii wrote:
Because I don't think many of us can handle that saving job/shouldn't have to go through it/etc. I think SRS should be available to everyone who needs it.


In a perfect utopian world this would make sense, in the imperfect flawed world we live in it is not practical to expect the rest of society to foot the bill for someone's SRS/FFS/Hormones/Psychological Treatment and lets not even start to talk about the possibility of repairing/correcting things if the initial SRS/FFS/etc does not heal properly.

What should be is that people who have the need have the means available to secure the funds necessary to do so. This also means that treatment ie SRS etc not be held in the hands of a select few surgeons who can then dictate a fee that is beyond the ability of most to afford short of selling ones soul or needing to depend on insurance.
Of course this to is not in this reality going to happen either.

This leaves the more spartan choice of one either finds a way, makes a way, adapts to the reality that they may not be able to and finds someway to live with it, or dies trying.

I am not saying that I think its fair that I had to endure what I had to to finish, on the other hand having to do so made me a stronger person as a whole and when I find myself in dark places now I remember what I was able to accomplish so long ago with fewer resources than I have now.

There is a common quote by Chinese philosopher Laozi " a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"
but I ran across another piece to this years ago that finishes the quote... (paraphrased) " the reason why many fail is not because they failed to take the first step, but in the end could not walk the final inch".

Not everyone who should succeed does, and many who succeed shouldn't have.
Sadly not everyone is not going to successfully complete the journey.

I still feel that many think that they are entitled w/o having to work or sacrifice.
The only people I feel fall into that category are children who do not have the means to procure it themselves.
Anyone else over 18 should have to shed some of their own blood, sweat and tears to do so. There are no freebies in life.



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08 Dec 2013, 10:03 am

Gyokusai wrote:
beneficii wrote:
Because I don't think many of us can handle that saving job/shouldn't have to go through it/etc. I think SRS should be available to everyone who needs it.


In a perfect utopian world this would make sense, in the imperfect flawed world we live in it is not practical to expect the rest of society to foot the bill for someone's SRS/FFS/Hormones/Psychological Treatment and lets not even start to talk about the possibility of repairing/correcting things if the initial SRS/FFS/etc does not heal properly.


That's kinda what happens in most Canada and the U.K., so I think it is practical. It's just bigots won't allow it to be funded on such a wide scale here in the U.S.

Quote:
What should be is that people who have the need have the means available to secure the funds necessary to do so. This also means that treatment ie SRS etc not be held in the hands of a select few surgeons who can then dictate a fee that is beyond the ability of most to afford short of selling ones soul or needing to depend on insurance.
Of course this to is not in this reality going to happen either.


Unfortunately, not.

Quote:
This leaves the more spartan choice of one either finds a way, makes a way, adapts to the reality that they may not be able to and finds someway to live with it, or dies trying.

I am not saying that I think its fair that I had to endure what I had to to finish, on the other hand having to do so made me a stronger person as a whole and when I find myself in dark places now I remember what I was able to accomplish so long ago with fewer resources than I have now.

There is a common quote by Chinese philosopher Laozi " a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"
but I ran across another piece to this years ago that finishes the quote... (paraphrased) " the reason why many fail is not because they failed to take the first step, but in the end could not walk the final inch".

Not everyone who should succeed does, and many who succeed shouldn't have.
Sadly not everyone is not going to successfully complete the journey.


And that's tragic.

Quote:
I still feel that many think that they are entitled w/o having to work or sacrifice.
The only people I feel fall into that category are children who do not have the means to procure it themselves.
Anyone else over 18 should have to shed some of their own blood, sweat and tears to do so. There are no freebies in life.


OK. Now I think you are starting to show your true intent in this conversation. You want us all to go through what you did and if we are unable to do so, then you think we must be denied. I guess that's the thinking that comes from, "I've already got mine."


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08 Dec 2013, 10:06 am

The statements of the major medical organizations call for SRS, and now we're waiting on the insurance companies to follow suit, who will probably want to see Medicare cover it first (and we're working on that):

http://www.lambdalegal.org/sites/defaul ... alth_4.pdf


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08 Dec 2013, 11:04 am

Gyokusai wrote:
Perhaps some background may help as to why I am having difficulty understanding.
I have been postop for over 20 yrs.

Nice to meet you!

Thank you for sharing your story.

I presume you have an ASD/AS ?



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08 Dec 2013, 12:34 pm

I know a trans woman who went full-time in her 20s and is now in her 50s: She wants SRS but still hasn't gotten it. Unfortunately, she also has schizoaffective disorder, can only work menial jobs, is dependent on her family, and lives in a crappy state. I think it's a f*****g tragedy, and a sign of what's wrong with this country, that she hasn't been able to get SRS yet.


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Gyokusai
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08 Dec 2013, 8:33 pm

Quote:
OK. Now I think you are starting to show your true intent in this conversation. You want us all to go through what you did and if we are unable to do so, then you think we must be denied. I guess that's the thinking that comes from, "I've already got mine."


Incorrect. If that was my intent I would have saved myself several paragraphs and just said so.
My closest and dearest friend had her parents BCBS pay for her SRS.
Another came a from family of means and was able to complete hers young as well.

Thing is neither of them felt that insurance should pay for it. The one managed to get BCBS to pay for it and took advantage of it.
Knowing both them as well as I did even without family support or insurance , both would have found or made a way to succeed.

Which brings me back to original premise : I just don't understand why people seem to feel that some nameless faceless corp entity should help them.
It seems waiting for an insurance company to ride in and pay is time that could be used more constructively to bring one closer to their desired goal, instead of waiting for the insurance company to pay the bill and having nothing but the frustration of the wait and gaining nothing useful or moving forward.



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08 Dec 2013, 8:34 pm

LoveNotHate wrote:
Gyokusai wrote:
Perhaps some background may help as to why I am having difficulty understanding.
I have been postop for over 20 yrs.

Nice to meet you!

Thank you for sharing your story.

I presume you have an ASD/AS ?


Yes diagnosed in late 30's, early 40's



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08 Dec 2013, 10:17 pm

Gyokusai wrote:
Quote:
OK. Now I think you are starting to show your true intent in this conversation. You want us all to go through what you did and if we are unable to do so, then you think we must be denied. I guess that's the thinking that comes from, "I've already got mine."


Incorrect. If that was my intent I would have saved myself several paragraphs and just said so.
My closest and dearest friend had her parents BCBS pay for her SRS.
Another came a from family of means and was able to complete hers young as well.

Thing is neither of them felt that insurance should pay for it. The one managed to get BCBS to pay for it and took advantage of it.
Knowing both them as well as I did even without family support or insurance , both would have found or made a way to succeed.

Which brings me back to original premise : I just don't understand why people seem to feel that some nameless faceless corp entity should help them.
It seems waiting for an insurance company to ride in and pay is time that could be used more constructively to bring one closer to their desired goal, instead of waiting for the insurance company to pay the bill and having nothing but the frustration of the wait and gaining nothing useful or moving forward.


I'm glad your friend was able to get BCBS to pay for it.


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09 Dec 2013, 12:57 am

Gyokusai wrote:
Which brings me back to original premise : I just don't understand why people seem to feel that some nameless faceless corp entity should help them.


Employee One need a liver transplant and uses the "nameless faceless corp entity" employer health insurance. This procedure costs an estimated $300,000, plus follow-up visits and anti-rejection drugs, totally an estimated $577,100 for the procedure.

Source, http://www.transplantliving.org/before- ... the-costs/

Note: This is not fiction. I know someone who had their transplant paid by their medical insurance.

Employee Two needs transition care, possibly costing $100,000, however, the employer says it is not covered

Why is this fair ? Why is it OK to expect the "nameless faceless corp entity" employer to pay for an expensive transplant procedure, yet trans people need to suck it up and pay their own way ? What is the point of health insurance then ?



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09 Dec 2013, 1:59 am

LoveNotHate wrote:
Gyokusai wrote:
Which brings me back to original premise : I just don't understand why people seem to feel that some nameless faceless corp entity should help them.


Employee One need a liver transplant and uses the "nameless faceless corp entity" employer health insurance. This procedure costs an estimated $300,000, plus follow-up visits and anti-rejection drugs, totally an estimated $577,100 for the procedure.

Source, http://www.transplantliving.org/before- ... the-costs/

Note: This is not fiction. I know someone who had their transplant paid by their medical insurance.

Employee Two needs transition care, possibly costing $100,000, however, the employer says it is not covered

Why is this fair ? Why is it OK to expect the "nameless faceless corp entity" employer to pay for an expensive transplant procedure, yet trans people need to suck it up and pay their own way ? What is the point of health insurance then ?


This is the kind of answer I was looking for. Thank you for explaining.



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10 Dec 2013, 4:12 pm

I don't have an expectation that my insurance will cover my SRS among other transition related care. So far they have covered some. The insurance contradicts itself by saying it's not covered in one spot, then saying, I have to jump through much stricter hoops then the SOC demands to get it covered. So far I've saved up some money, but not enough, and I'm still paying off non-srs related transition stuff and will be into next year.

I think the biggest problem I have is my executive function that prevents me from transitioning faster. I have a decent job, but I just don't have the wherewithal to manage my time in a way that prevents anxiety and stress with more things at once then I am currently doing.

I just had hair transplant surgery two months ago. Just had a knee arthroscopic surgery yesterday which will take some time to recover from. Once I need to get back to work on facial hair removal and weight loss again. I don't know anything about my voice to fix that.

I know there is much I need to prepare for fully transitioning, but I don't want to end up in bed, hiding from the world, having panic attacks and feeling massive anxiety and depression from being overwhelmed so I do what I can when I can.


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Gyokusai
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10 Dec 2013, 11:23 pm

stardraigh wrote:
I don't have an expectation that my insurance will cover my SRS among other transition related care. So far they have covered some. The insurance contradicts itself by saying it's not covered in one spot, then saying, I have to jump through much stricter hoops then the SOC demands to get it covered. So far I've saved up some money, but not enough, and I'm still paying off non-srs related transition stuff and will be into next year.

I think the biggest problem I have is my executive function that prevents me from transitioning faster. I have a decent job, but I just don't have the wherewithal to manage my time in a way that prevents anxiety and stress with more things at once then I am currently doing.

I just had hair transplant surgery two months ago. Just had a knee arthroscopic surgery yesterday which will take some time to recover from. Once I need to get back to work on facial hair removal and weight loss again. I don't know anything about my voice to fix that.

I know there is much I need to prepare for fully transitioning, but I don't want to end up in bed, hiding from the world, having panic attacks and feeling massive anxiety and depression from being overwhelmed so I do what I can when I can.


When I was transitioning, like many others I have known over the years, I wanted it done and over with post haste so I could "start living my life".
Looking back after 20+ yrs at that time, I wish I had not been in such a hurry. Transition is a special time where you get to actually examine and discover who you are, and who you want to be.

Too many I have known rushed through things and then realized that they had simply traded one stereotype for another. So many try to bury the who they were and transform into this new being instantaneously. Its easy to forget in the rush that it took many years to become the person who is beginning this journey, and it will take time to become the person you want to be at the end of it. ( of course this is less true the earlier one can begin)

The biggest thing I learned is that "transitioning" is a life time journey. This is just in all honesty just a small step in a lifetime though while in process it can feel like it just consumes everything.
Personally I think the hardest transition for me was not in going form boy to girl but going from Miss to Ma'am and the other annoyances that accompany aging.

I fell into that trap as well for a bit trying to bury the who I was, and be this new person. The thing I found though was that in the end some of those thing I wanted to bury and forget are also a large part of who I am. Actually, its some of the more quirky parts of my personality that make
me a unique individual and not some fabricated 2 dimensional social concept.

I guess in the end what I am trying to say is don't feel you need to go through this at warp speed. Do it a pace that will not stress you out or drive you insane.
Just my 2 cents.