dating is starting to feel like a job search now....
Like the title says, I feel like I'm looking for a job when I'm trying to get a date. Seriously, nobody will give a gentleman like me a fair chance unless I've dated a bunch of women beforehand but I haven't had 1 date in my life so I'm looked at as some worthless loser who isn't even worth talking to. Just like work, you need experience to be considered, yet can't get experience unless somebody actually gives you a chance....why is that such a big deal to women? Why reject me over a lack of exes when that same lack of experience means that 1) I'll APPRECIATE YOU MORE having been finally given a chance, 2) No psycho ex girlfriends to worry about, 3) no STD's to worry about and 4) I can be trained as far as kissing & sex are concerned ( and who knows, I might end up being some kind of savant in the area... )...
On top of that shtako, I get ignored and rejected because I don't have a car or a fancy job with a 6 figure salary or my own house...sorry I'm not a rich workaholic with a BMW and a mansion ladies. Yes I live with my parents, but at this point I basically help take care of them...and I may not be able to work but I still have money coming in every month to pay bills & buy food. But nobody ever bothers to consider any of that....and even without mentioning any of that or mentioning my having Aspergers in my OKCupid profile I still get NOTHING. I send a message, I get no response at all. Even using a common interest like video games for an ice breaker doesn't work....
*SIGH* Sorry for the rant....just the end result of yet another year of feeling lonely, worthless and unwanted
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Ore Sanjou!
Sweetleaf
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Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,439
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
Sounds frustrating...
I don't have as much issue getting inital 'dates' but I must be pretty damn boring...cause seems like every guy I've dated loses interest, so now I don't go into it expecting anything...for all I know I'll meet them one time and never hear from them again. I also do not work, but being female I don't think its judged as harshly which is kinda screwed up but the reason why is I am on disability and not sure that is something people find attractive.
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We won't go back.
I don't have as much issue getting inital 'dates' but I must be pretty damn boring...cause seems like every guy I've dated loses interest, so now I don't go into it expecting anything...for all I know I'll meet them one time and never hear from them again. I also do not work, but being female I don't think its judged as harshly which is kinda screwed up but the reason why is I am on disability and not sure that is something people find attractive.
Do they lose interest after one date? Or when you are already in a relationship?
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,439
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
i'd date you on the spot because you know what the new age retro hippie is. I LOVE the fight music for that battle. i don't know why his only attacks are using the ruler and toothbrush, though.
alas, though, i'm a heterosexual male, so, that's out the door
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If Jesus died for my sins, then I should sin as much as possible, so he didn't die for nothing.
This has nothing to do with your personal circumstances and life situation as you hadn't even mentioned these in your profile. Even if you had, if a person was really interested in you, they wouldn't care about these things. The fact is, not every woman is attracted to the things you claim they are attracted to. There is a wide variety of people out there, and I firmly believe that there is someone for everyone. The fact is, online dating can be tough because there is just a very large pool of applicants and most people (especially guys) get weeded out all the time even if they are presenting themselves well.
Things you can do are:
*For a message opener, ask about something you KNOW have in common with the person. Read the person's profile and think about the similarities you and the person have. Don't just ask about video games or another topic you like as an opener unless the other person shows that they are interested in the same topic in their profile too.
Example: you and the person both like classic rock. Hey, I've noticed that you really like a lot of classic rock bands! I am a huge fan myself and I really enjoy Pink Floyd. When did you start getting into it?
*Link your profile here so that it can be critiqued/modified (although I don't think this is the issue, it may help with getting you more messages)
_________________
Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.
This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term psychiatrists - that I am a highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder
My diagnoses - anxiety disorder, depression and traits of obsessive-compulsive disorder (all in remission).
I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.
Do they lose interest after one date? Or when you are already in a relationship?
It varies...But never had anything last for more than a few months regardless.
Same. I wish I knew what I did wrong
Exactly: appreciating a chance so much is the mark of those of us who have never been given one. It’s perfectly reasonable to surmise there must be a reason why we’ve never given a chance, and to prefer a suitor who has had them, and thus who can afford to appreciate them less.
Sounds boring. Having to fight someone to conquer you would be a sign that you’re valuable.
Again, no pain, no gain; no risk, no frisk.
Why bother when you can have someone already trained, perhaps capable of teaching you rather than expecting you to teach him?
To sum up, why should dating not be like a job search? Why should it not be even more ruthless? There’s nothing in our biological origins to suggest it should be easy—in fact, it was never meant for everyone to be able to date, because, you know, there is sexual selection; it is meant to weed some of us out.
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The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.
Exactly: appreciating a chance so much is the mark of those of us who have never been given one. It’s perfectly reasonable to surmise there must be a reason why we’ve never given a chance, and to prefer a suitor who has had them, and thus who can afford to appreciate them less.
Sounds boring. Having to fight someone to conquer you would be a sign that you’re valuable.
Again, no pain, no gain; no risk, no frisk.
Why bother when you can have someone already trained, perhaps capable of teaching you rather than expecting you to teach him?
To sum up, why should dating not be like a job search? Why should it not be even more ruthless? There’s nothing in our biological origins to suggest it should be easy—in fact, it was never meant for everyone to be able to date, because, you know, there is sexual selection; it is meant to weed some of us out.
Nah
get out of the NT system of the dating scene.
find a few topics of interest, then do something related to these interest, in a social or semi-socail application... where you can meet like minded people... then from there you will find others with more similarities to yourself... These NT's was can be destructive... it is more set to their perspective and respective ways of processing this dating and courtship rituals, in which many of us auties and aspies... it is more of a foreign concept...
better finding an aspie or autie with a few same and a few similar interests, and go from there.
I am an autie, spouse is an aspie.
_________________
Be your friend's
true friend.
Return gift for gift.
Repay laughter
with laughter again
but betrayal with treachery.
- The Havamal
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