Should males pay for the "asking out" or "fri

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Hi,

I was inspired by another thread.
About this thing that the male is expected to pay when the girl and boy is doing an activity(like playing ping pong, eating at restaurant or other activity).
It seems to me that it is expected.

What I mean it makes little sense to me, and discourages communication (for me). I can't express myself very good in this matter since I have trouble talking about it, so instead of deleting this thread I will let it be, and according to input will change content.

Any confusion message, welcome.

I always pay for myself.

I do too most of the time, but sometimes people want to treat me and I allow it occasionally.

Whoever can afford it should be the one who pays, IMO. That's really the most logical thing. And if neither can afford it, don't do it.

Yeah I agree with that.

Sometimes I pay for the guy.

It's supposed to be good manners for the guy to pay for whole date, but I feel both the guy and girl pay their fair share for the expenses for the date.

I always feel uncomfortable when the guy insists to pay for me on the date so I usually say that each pays for their own stuff. It is nice for it to occassionally happen but the guy spends alot of money if he's expected to pay for everything on every date. I found that it evens out after a while and whoever has the right change pays or something like that.

I don't think it matters who pays as long as you both understand the arrangement in advance so there's no awkwardness when the bill arrives.

The idea that the guy always has to pay made sense when men earned money and women stayed home to raise kids. If the guy couldn't pay for dates then he wouldn't make much of a husband.... These days, of course, most women want to be treated as equals and have their own money.

One reason many people prefer to "go Dutch" (split bill or separate bills) is because it avoids any sense of indebtedness. If one person always pays, then the other might feel pressure to have sex or offer other forms of compensation to make up for it. Even if they take turns paying for the dates, there will probably be some resentment if one person pays for fine dining and a night at the movies and the other pays for fast food and a DVD rental. Once your relationship gets to the point that you are talking about moving in and buying things together then you're probably going to look at having a shared bank account and it won't matter who pays the bill.

Thanks for the replies, they helped me.

I think the current trend is to either split the bill, or to for each person to pay his or her own share. As Jetson pointed out, the "guys pays for everything" arrangement made sense in the past, but with now, it's becoming downright unfair, since women now earn money as well. At the very least, the guy paying for everything is no longer an obligation, but simply a nice gesture; he can safely assume that he will not have to pay for everything and not be considered cheap, and the girl who insists on the guy paying for her can be viewed as overly demamding (or worse, if you know what I mean).

During my high school health classes, the mantra was as follows: just because a guy bought a girl an expensive dinner, it does not mean she has to sleep with him. Now the reverse is starting to take hold: just because a girl gave a guy the benefit of her company, it does mean he has to buy her an expensive dinner. In other words, neither the guy not the girl owe anything other than the time spent together.

I feel uncomfortable when i don't treat people. Because I can't tell when it is important for me to be charitable, or modest, so i just always pick charitable. Always safe that way. I get panicky if they don't accept the charity, because in some scenes it goes like, "I want to do this for you." "No, no, no, you can't, i can't possibly accept." "I insist." "Well... okay."

I can't reliably tell when they are just playing the NT game or genuinely don't want to accept it. Just thinking about it makes me panic,

Nomaken, here's what could be happening.

If a girl doesn't like you, she doesn't feel comfortable accepting your treat. So she's being honest enough not to let you "waste" your money on someone who you don't have a chance with. After all, you worked for the money that paid for her meal. Also, she may be refusing because she doesn't want to give you the wrong idea by accepting the treat.

Maybe "waste" was a bad word choice, but I'm sure you know what I meant. A while ago, a girl told me when I offered to pay for both meals: "I had a nice time, but I don't feel like we've connected well, so I appreciate it, but I wouldn't feel right accepting it." Although I was a little disappointed about being turned down, I was really impressed with her honesty; I think there should be more girls like her.

when i'm hanging out with one of my best friends (Mona), we take turns paying for the food... like one day i'll pay and the next she will.. i like her a lot and i can afford it, so i wouldn't mind paying every time.. but somehow it's more friendly when both pay...

just a suggestion: maybe if the guy or girl always insists on paying, you could buy him/her a present or something which may even things out... with no hard feelings etc..

I'm not just talking about with girls, i treat all of my friends due to this anxiety of mine. And if the girl DOES like me then the issue remains. And i CANT know whether she does or not.

yeah i know.. i feel that way too.. since i have no social skills, i tend to buy other ppl's affection by being over-generous in various ways including money... but there's that stupid NT game to deal with.. where no means yes and yes means no and no means maybe and maybe means yes and no means "ask again and i'll say ok"

bah

This is exactly why I refuse to pay, well not refuse to pay! lol I mean if there's a hint I may have to then I just wont go. I don't want to feel like I'm buying someones affections. Of course if I have been seeing someone for a long time then whoever has more money at the time pays usually.
For me the first dates should be payed for by the man.