Comprehensive 'Dating Websites' Thread #1

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Should we have a dating profile list? (Gender - Age - Orientation - profile link)
Yes 69%  69%  [ 9 ]
I'm not sure 31%  31%  [ 4 ]
No 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Total votes : 13

CerebralDreamer
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12 Jul 2009, 9:51 pm

I know there is a lot of information out there on what dating websites exist, how you should set up a profile, etc. My problem is the information is all over the place, and not very easy to find. We tend to get a lot of questions on the subject as it is, and I think it would be great if we had a central thread for all of it. It would be easier for me, so I don't have to go scrounging for information.

So, if anyone has a dating website they want to mention, or advice on dating websites they'd like to give, I want to hear it. Hopefully I'll find some new information this way. I just hope I'm not the only one who wants a thread like this.



Linder1980
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13 Jul 2009, 1:42 am

just some advice for those using dating websites

* Photos to use: Try and use a nice photo (one in which you are smiling) for the primary photo. Can also include some sillier photos if that suits your personality.

* Photos not to use: anything that makes you look like an emotional wreck/serial killer/deranged etc....not a good idea. I am currently using a dating website and I skip a lot of profiles because the photos are depressing or particulary unflattering.

* Don't write what you think women/men want to read, write a profile that YOU like ie. If you write something silly that makes you laugh then you will have a better chance of finding someone who "gets" your sense of humour. I only ever respond to profiles that have made me laugh.

* Talk about your interests, travel that you've done or books you've read and general stuff like that. I prefer not to read about your last miserable relationship and how much emotional pain it caused you (save that story for the second date huh?)



Claradoon
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13 Jul 2009, 1:58 am

I found out for sure that some of those "dates" are totally phony - because somebody tried to hire me to be one of them! I write freelance for Guru dot com and eLance dot com. From time to time there are jobs posted there, to create a character and "come alive" on a dating site. The ads don't name the site.

I sort of already knew it was fake, because there are not a lot of people like me, and if I join, up pops somebody just like me. And if I close my profile, up pops another. Now, there are very few people like me, even here. But I noticed that, for the guys who love to read, a lot of them preferred James Patterson "because he has short chapters." Okay, once - but a dozen guys with the same quote? And then (am I boring you? but I never get to tell this to anybody) the guy who was just like me said that he was "a frustrated polymath." And a few months later, I was reading James Patterson, and the character also said that he was a frustrated polymath. Which says to me that the "date" was a fake character created from one of Patterson's.



CerebralDreamer
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14 Jul 2009, 9:39 am

Does anyone have a particular website to suggest? Perhaps more advice?



Linder1980
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15 Jul 2009, 2:15 am

CerebralDreamer wrote:
Does anyone have a particular website to suggest? Perhaps more advice?


I would recommend using a website that's relatively local (ie. specifically in your state or country). I would guess that the international ones are a bit dodgy.

I wouldn't use one that was totally free as they just tend to attract sleazy people, idiots or school kids having a laugh.

www.rsvp.com.au is a pretty good site (but is only in australia & nz I think?), it's free to join and view other people's profiles, and is mostly free to "flirt" (where you get to send an instant message but have to pick one of the options such as "I think we'd hit it off...do you?") and the other person can reply for free (using one of the response options such as "thanks, but no thanks" etc...). But to email or chat you have to buy credit (works out about $8-10 per person you contact). Which I think is good, because you are not spending money unless someone has indicated they might be interested.



CerebralDreamer
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15 Jul 2009, 4:21 am

Linder1980 wrote:
CerebralDreamer wrote:
Does anyone have a particular website to suggest? Perhaps more advice?


I would recommend using a website that's relatively local (ie. specifically in your state or country). I would guess that the international ones are a bit dodgy.

I wouldn't use one that was totally free as they just tend to attract sleazy people, idiots or school kids having a laugh.

www.rsvp.com.au is a pretty good site (but is only in australia & nz I think?), it's free to join and view other people's profiles, and is mostly free to "flirt" (where you get to send an instant message but have to pick one of the options such as "I think we'd hit it off...do you?") and the other person can reply for free (using one of the response options such as "thanks, but no thanks" etc...). But to email or chat you have to buy credit (works out about $8-10 per person you contact). Which I think is good, because you are not spending money unless someone has indicated they might be interested.

That sounds good, but can you give a few more details? Is it upfront, or over the course of multiple emails and chats?

It really sounds worth checking into, if there are in fact non-sleazy pay-sites.



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15 Jul 2009, 7:41 am

okcupid.com is good. I met my boyfriend there like the first day I signed up and we've been together for well over a year now (He was also the first person I tried to contact on there, since I went through all the profiles on my match list after entering in some parameters in the search feature, such as age and distance, and he was the one I liked best and thought I'd be most compatible with. I initiated contact by sending a "wink" so I wouldn't make a fool of myself by sending a long message only to find out he wasn't interested, but it turns out he was interested and the rest is history). I like that site because it's free and it gives you a compatibility test when you're setting up your profile to match you with people you're actually compatible with. okcupid is also completely free to use.

Be careful though, because, as with all dating sites, you'll get a lot of messages from creepers. If someone messages you, but doesn't really seem compatible, don't feel as though you have to talk to them. There's an instant messaging thing built into the site if they haven't changed that. I found it best to just turn that off and stick to private messaging and if you actually want to talk to someone, take it to AIM. If someone's compatibility rating is only like 46%, but they send you a message saying they have a lot in common with you, RUN!

As far as pictures go, post mostly ones of your face. If someone asks for a clear full body shot before they'll even consider meeting you, they are probably a creep who only wants one thing from you (at least if you're a girl, though I'm sure there are plenty of women who objectify men like that as well). Also, post pics of only you. If you're a guy, and you post pictures of you with other women, no woman is going to want to talk you.



Linder1980
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15 Jul 2009, 9:23 pm

CerebralDreamer wrote:
That sounds good, but can you give a few more details? Is it upfront, or over the course of multiple emails and chats?

It really sounds worth checking into, if there are in fact non-sleazy pay-sites.


Initially you receive any emails to your rsvp account, and you get one month to send messages back and forth using rsvp, at any time you can decide whether or not to give them your personal details such as home email/phone number etc...or arrange to meet them in person. There is a chat feature, but I don't use it as I don't like online chatting. They never get your real life contact details unless you decide to give them out. Don't be pressured into giving out your home email or phone number straight away, make sure you feel comfortable and have exchanged a few emails first.

If you decide to meet someone in real life, I recommend making it a daytime meeting such as coffee or lunch at a cafe. After all, no matter how well you get on with them via email, you might not have a romantic connection with them in real life....so treat the first meeting as a "get to know you" experience....and take the time afterwards to really think about how much you want to get involved with that person. There's no obligation to go on a second date, and if they do try to pressure you into making a commitment to see them again, then don't feel bad about saying "look, I just need to think about this first" or simply say that you'll let them know later.



Linder1980
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15 Jul 2009, 9:40 pm

Also most dating sites let you have a bit of a look around at the profiles before you decide to join, so that's always a good thing to do. Check out whether the site has profiles that are in your age range, or are there ways to search by common interests?

A good test of a website is to join up (most let you join for free, but may charge for contacting other profiles), but don't fill out any details other than your gender/age. If you start getting heaps of chat requests or instant messages immediately then that site is obviously dodgy because they are clearly not looking at your profile in any detail.

Also if there are way too many attractive profiles then that may be an indication that either it's a dodgy website or people have put up fake photos because they are only interested in one thing. Honestly...how many drop dead, gorgeous people do you see in real life? Why would they all be single and flaunting themselves on dating websites? That just doesn't happen in real life and they are either being paid to be on the website or just someone having a laugh.



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19 Jul 2009, 11:42 pm

Is plentyoffish any good? I'm on various gothic dating web sites but most of them don't allow direct contact, at least not for free members. The ones that do (such as gothpassions) are poorly designed and do not have very many members.



CerebralDreamer
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20 Jul 2009, 1:27 am

Veresae wrote:
Is plentyoffish any good? I'm on various gothic dating web sites but most of them don't allow direct contact, at least not for free members. The ones that do (such as gothpassions) are poorly designed and do not have very many members.


I'm curious about that too. I've been hesitant to check it out primarily because I'm paranoid about any sites that show up in an online ad. If anyone else here has checked it out, be sure to let us know how it works. I'm curious about the place myself.

As for free sites, OKCupid is decent. They don't charge anything, it's relatively well designed, and there's a large member base. The primary difficulties are going to be sorting through large numbers of people using their search criteria (and the match questions), writing your profile, and finding good pictures. The problems with that site are primarily because of its size. It's starting to become the myspace of the dating world, if that helps explain things.