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Aspie1
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14 Sep 2009, 10:24 am

Briana wrote:
It's normal. The fact is is that these guys don't really like you for you, they just want to use you for sex, as I've said in another thread already about why us Aspie girls get boyfriends and aspie guys cant get gfs a lot of the time

That was totally uncalled for! I would expect to read this on a radical feminism site, but not here on WP. But hey, girls with this attitude are the ones who keep all those pick-up artist literature vendors in business.



Cad
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20 Sep 2009, 4:19 am

thanks for the help guys. I am not afraid of being touched or other forms of intimacy, i enjoy it immensly :D it's just actual sexual intercourse. I've done things like mutual masturbation but i didn't really know the guy very well and he expected it of me, and i didn't want to dissapoint him or lose him so i agreed. I think episodes like that from the past have dictated a lot of my fears of sexual intercourse.



DeadFire87
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20 Sep 2009, 12:11 pm

I am very scared of sex. Never have I held someone or gotten anyone to talk to me really. The idea of sex is like driving nails into my head. Its very overwhelming thought and probably the main reason why I have failed so many times in getting a girlfriend even when they come right out and tell me they like me or walk up to me and speak. I have no clue what to say or do around a girl in a simple conversation. I can't even get someone to even be my friend. :(

I am not very typical for a 22 year old guy, but I would like to eventually find a girl that would want to be with me. :roll:



Merle
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20 Sep 2009, 2:27 pm

Deadfire. Make a list of what worries you and start knocking items off the list.

Anxiety is going to help set you up for failure. If you go in unsure, not-confident, or worried, it'll be picked up on and you'll have a tougher time.

E.g. Sex is probably one item on the list which is going to be difficult for you to handle until you actually handle it. Because sex is usually the culmination of a relationship, it's USUALLY one of the hardest things (in a relationship) to achieve. Am I going to shoot off early, am I capable of being a good lover, am I going to be able to please her, am I going to get scoffed at, etc.

Friends are useless here (you can play-date with friends, you generally can't play-sex unless you have some very cool friends).

If you're in a state or locale where prostition/escorts are available. Avail yourself to that solution. If not, then the next step would be to find a place with older women (e.g. cougars). You can hit on them or you can wait it out and let them come to you. Either way, sex is the easiest portion of a relationship to get over (you just do it once and it doesn't have to be great and you can revise history as much as you want).



KnightGhost
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20 Sep 2009, 5:39 pm

To most of us, sex is one of the more complicated and daunting social interactions. And that's the problem for us - its a social interaction.

Otherwise, its like most other things we do - think about it, plan it, do it, practice. Seriously. I was very... unskilled... when I met my ex, but solved most of that within a year and continued to hone those skills.

I'll be officially divorced within a month. The idea of dating again terrifies me, but sex isn't even a blip of worry.



Merle
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20 Sep 2009, 8:26 pm

KnightGhost wrote:
To most of us, sex is one of the more complicated and daunting social interactions. And that's the problem for us - its a social interaction.


Yes. I think different people have different reasons (inexperience, anxiety, awkwardness, self confidence, looks, etc.) but the first part is right.

Quote:
The idea of dating again terrifies me, but sex isn't even a blip of worry.


To pick your brain and share your experience on this topic... How long (assuming into the relationship) did it take you to NOT worry about sex?

Quote:
I'll be officially divorced within a month.


Ick.



Keith
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20 Sep 2009, 9:16 pm

I have the habit of increasing a woman's sex drive ... hehe Wanna know what I can do you?

You have to remember the body is built for sex. The first time is usually going to be crap, but at least after that, it gets better. Over some time, you can loosen off. If you know what I mean.



KnightGhost
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20 Sep 2009, 9:53 pm

It probably took 20-30 times to get over most of it. Granted, I'm a guy so most of the blood had left my brain, so a woman may take half that number of times.

Though I stopped worrying, I never stopped caring and always pay very close attention.



Yagaloth
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23 Sep 2009, 12:31 am

Aspie1 wrote:
Briana wrote:
It's normal. The fact is is that these guys don't really like you for you, they just want to use you for sex, as I've said in another thread already about why us Aspie girls get boyfriends and aspie guys cant get gfs a lot of the time

That was totally uncalled for! I would expect to read this on a radical feminism site, but not here on WP. But hey, girls with this attitude are the ones who keep all those pick-up artist literature vendors in business.


As a conservative guy, I'm hardly a radical feminist. And I'll add my voice to the chorus: ladies, if I threaten to dump you because you won't have sex with me, dump me first, get over me fast, and look for a better guy.

When a guy tries to threaten, manipulate, guilt-trip, force, or otherwise push a girl into having sex before she is ready, I think the poor girl who actually resists is better off for the creep throwing a tantrum and walking out of her life as soon as possible.

No matter what these guys say, a normal, healthy guy is absolutely capable of waiting as long as it takes, and it's far easier for him to wait for you to be ready than it is for you to open yourself up to something you are uncomfortable with at best.

I reject the idea that any woman should have to "shut up, bend over, and take it like a big girl" any time a man wishes, and I reject the idea that, should the girl simply not be ready to share sex as the man's equal, the man should in any way be respected or sympathized with for emotionally punishing her, trash-talking the girl on the way out the door, and then looking for an easier mark. And, without any evidence to the contrary, I reject the implication that there's anything wrong with Briana for being uncomfortable with having sex with these guys, as it sounds like these guys lack any class, style, tact, patience, understanding, or respect regarding her. I look forward to having sex with someone I love and respect, but if I were to have the misfortune of being in this poor girl's shoes and having people treat me that way, I, too, would be worried about submitting to that sort of unfair pressure.

Before the sexual revolution and feminism, it used to be perfectly alright to call such a guy a "cad" and encourage girls to stay away from such men. But it seems that we're living in an age where "liberated" women are expected to submit to the whims of jerks.

Briana, I don't think there's anything wrong with you based on anything you said. I think most healthy women will be far more comfortable and willing to open up to gentlemen capable of treating them with respect, and I would only start worrying that there might be something wrong if you are still scared of sex at your own pace and on equal footing.



Janissy
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23 Sep 2009, 7:09 am

Yagaloth wrote:
Aspie1 wrote:
Briana wrote:
It's normal. The fact is is that these guys don't really like you for you, they just want to use you for sex, as I've said in another thread already about why us Aspie girls get boyfriends and aspie guys cant get gfs a lot of the time

That was totally uncalled for! I would expect to read this on a radical feminism site, but not here on WP. But hey, girls with this attitude are the ones who keep all those pick-up artist literature vendors in business.


As a conservative guy, I'm hardly a radical feminist. And I'll add my voice to the chorus: ladies, if I threaten to dump you because you won't have sex with me, dump me first, get over me fast, and look for a better guy.

When a guy tries to threaten, manipulate, guilt-trip, force, or otherwise push a girl into having sex before she is ready, I think the poor girl who actually resists is better off for the creep throwing a tantrum and walking out of her life as soon as possible.

No matter what these guys say, a normal, healthy guy is absolutely capable of waiting as long as it takes, and it's far easier for him to wait for you to be ready than it is for you to open yourself up to something you are uncomfortable with at best.

I reject the idea that any woman should have to "shut up, bend over, and take it like a big girl" any time a man wishes, and I reject the idea that, should the girl simply not be ready to share sex as the man's equal, the man should in any way be respected or sympathized with for emotionally punishing her, trash-talking the girl on the way out the door, and then looking for an easier mark. And, without any evidence to the contrary, I reject the implication that there's anything wrong with Briana for being uncomfortable with having sex with these guys, as it sounds like these guys lack any class, style, tact, patience, understanding, or respect regarding her. I look forward to having sex with someone I love and respect, but if I were to have the misfortune of being in this poor girl's shoes and having people treat me that way, I, too, would be worried about submitting to that sort of unfair pressure.

Before the sexual revolution and feminism, it used to be perfectly alright to call such a guy a "cad" and encourage girls to stay away from such men. But it seems that we're living in an age where "liberated" women are expected to submit to the whims of jerks.

Briana, I don't think there's anything wrong with you based on anything you said. I think most healthy women will be far more comfortable and willing to open up to gentlemen capable of treating them with respect, and I would only start worrying that there might be something wrong if you are still scared of sex at your own pace and on equal footing.


QFT!!



zena4
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23 Sep 2009, 7:44 am

SECONDED!



MagnusArmstrong
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23 Sep 2009, 7:42 pm

I am not scared but sure I want to get it but has a real man I actually am willing to work hard and wait patiently instead of being a maniuplitve or strong arming jerk but that does not mean I am not a assertive or will be proan to being metephoircally hope tihs is in a swear or against rules but pussywhipped.Though one plus is when I get into a relationship I can cook and can make some mean cakes and other goods and savory dishes.So birthdays and major events should be a good time because I dont know a soul who doesn't enjoy cake.


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You idiots I said Peaberry this is sandalwood,Bender if you cant push sandalwood your not cut out for this league.


Merle
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23 Sep 2009, 9:48 pm

MagnusArmstrong wrote:
I am not scared but sure I want to get it but has a real man I actually am willing to work hard and wait patiently instead of being a maniuplitve or strong arming jerk but that does not mean I am not a assertive or will be proan to being metephoircally hope tihs is in a swear or against rules but pussywhipped.Though one plus is when I get into a relationship I can cook and can make some mean cakes and other goods and savory dishes.So birthdays and major events should be a good time because I dont know a soul who doesn't enjoy cake.


Took me a minute to read this, but that's the wall you are up against. You can appear to be sensitive and understanding, and at the same time appear to be pussywhipped.

Here's the problem - what makes you appear sensitive and understanding (such as the prior couple of posters have identified) can easily look girly. It's all in the eye of the beholder.

No matter how you act: assertive/jerk, sensitive/p****, normal/nice it can all be misconstrued and interpreted incorrectly.

What way is most comfortable for you?

Too many people change because they feel it'll make them successful or happy. But in the long run, they're just running away from who they are. Understand how and why you make those decisions may lead you to changes in behavior but do it because you understand why you do it. Not because it scores the most guys/girls.



MagnusArmstrong
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23 Sep 2009, 10:45 pm

I never wanna end in a pussywhipped scenerio because I have oberserved it in others personally and I dont me my parent because they good but someone I would not like to mention because I dont want them to know thats how I feel about the situation.


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You idiots I said Peaberry this is sandalwood,Bender if you cant push sandalwood your not cut out for this league.


mamc1986
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29 Sep 2009, 4:25 pm

Heck no I'm not afraid, but I don't want to do it with the wrong person either!



biostructure
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29 Sep 2009, 7:05 pm

Cad wrote:
thanks for the help guys. I am not afraid of being touched or other forms of intimacy, i enjoy it immensly :D it's just actual sexual intercourse. I've done things like mutual masturbation but i didn't really know the guy very well and he expected it of me, and i didn't want to dissapoint him or lose him so i agreed. I think episodes like that from the past have dictated a lot of my fears of sexual intercourse.


That's really cool. To tell you the truth, for me actual sexual intercourse is not the be-all and end-all of physical intimacy, and while I'm sure there are some sensations that can only be gotten that way, there are also disadvantages--risk of pregnancy comes to mind.

As I mentioned in another thread, most women seem to keep their bodies entirely off limits, except for a VERY small number of men (sometimes just one), with whom they want to do everything. This is frustrating and boring at the same time.