Question for aspies in relationships

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Psiri
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01 Dec 2009, 11:42 am

How did you meet your gf or bf? All anecdotes etc. gratefully received.


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Rain_Bird
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01 Dec 2009, 11:57 am

I met him online. It wasn't that I couldn't get a date in real life, just that I had no interest in anyone that was interested in me at my school and aside from night clubs and things like that, which would definitely NOT help me find the kind of guy I was looking for, I had no other ideas for meeting people.

I tried Yahoo Personals and some other smaller sites first, but those all sucked. Then the first day I was on OKCupid.com, I met my current boyfriend (we met at the end of March 2008, and started actually dating in April 2008, though we met for the first time in real life less than a week after we started talking online). He was the first guy I even tried to contact on that site, since I carefully read over all the profiles for my top matches before deciding on who I wanted to go for. He seemed the most compatible, interesting, and was only about 20 minutes away.

They say that you can't find love if you're looking for it, but I believe that the only way you can find love is if you know what you're looking for and systematically search for only people meeting your specifications. Otherwise you'll end up with someone who's no remotely compatible.

Edit to add: Here's something I wrote that's more in depth about my experiences with online dating and meeting my bf: Online Dating



makuranososhi
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01 Dec 2009, 12:16 pm

My wife and I met while working for the same company, albeit 1600 miles apart, almost a decade ago; we were both attracted to the other, but distance and other relationships got in the way. We stayed in touch by phone and online, then two years ago we decided to quit fighting against how we felt, and started working on ways to be together. We were married just over three weeks ago.


M.


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poopylungstuffing
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01 Dec 2009, 12:52 pm

congratulations!

I met my main partner Flakey in 2002 when I was living in my tiny rooming house room where I was obsessed with sewing sock monkeys. We had several mutual friends in common. He and his partner at the time had had opened a coffee shop several blocks down the street from my house. A mutual friend/former co-worker of mine had told me about it, but it didn't quite register...Some other mutual acquaintances had been working for him, while an ex boyfriend of mine was in a band that had been playing there on Sundays, and kept encouraging me to come out and see them....I am not sure what compelled me to gradually bring myself to go over there...but when I made my first awkward visit, we talked about all of our mutual acquaintances...a very odd bunch....I am not sure if that was before or after he had bought up all my sock creatures at an art auction...I think after...and maybe I went there to "visit" the sock creatures....I forget how it went...Also I think I was still at the point where I still didn't quite recognize him in public at the time when he made the off-handed remark about me having pretty eyes...I know that we weren't quite on speaking terms at that point...

Eventually, I started hanging out at his coffee shop... and then I was asked to come work for them....then things got really weird......

I would like to add that it just so happened that we both played music, drew comics, collected toys, and had our own self-invented religions based upon statues.
He eventually became obsessed with making sock creatures...and all this while he was still with his other partner...
I think he wanted to "add" me to their relationship(they had been poly but their other partner left)...but I was not understanding or receptive to that kind of thing, nor did I even allow it to register that he "liked" me...I really thought that we could just be friends..

His infatuation with me merely served to amplify all the other troubles he and his partner were having.....needless to say, it was a dramatic time in my life...I oughta write a book....



Last edited by poopylungstuffing on 01 Dec 2009, 1:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

DonkeyBuster
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01 Dec 2009, 1:08 pm

We met at a lesbian dance... I just becoming social again after 3 years of being solo (bad break-up) and she the new girl in town... we danced, shared some laughs, and she asked for my phone number. Yeah, right... but she actually called and I offered to show her a local favorite hiking area. Things just kinda progressed from there...

We've been together 9 years. And it's good, very good.



BetsyRath
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01 Dec 2009, 1:12 pm

We originally met in 1996 as part of an online political discussion and argument list at a large software company where we both worked. (I worked in HR, he as a programmer). There were a few opportunities to meet in person, including some group lunches. But primarily we knew each other only as online friends, arguing politics in a group. From time to time we would exchange personal email with thoughts about life, relationships and careers.

He was not married, but I was. Then, about 4 years ago my marriage ended.

In 2007, after twelve years of email, I sent a message asking if someone might be available to help recover photos and email after a hard drive failure. In the second year of single motherhood, there wasn't a large budget for technical assistance. He replied that he would be happy to come and fix the computer, and hinted (not subtly) about a home-cooked dinner.

The computer work was completed in exchange for dinner and an apple pie. My daughter made a pizza on his second visit, with the toppings of her choice, some were indistinguishable. But, he ate the pizza happily. On the third 'computer fixing' visit as the project was ending, fearing I couldn't milk another visit out of him and seeing he was NOT going to make the first move, I asked him if he would join me on a date.

We were married in September with our kids there.



pschristmas
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01 Dec 2009, 1:39 pm

I'm no longer in a relationship, but I met my late husband at a sci-fi convention -- the first of only two I've ever attended. Actually, he kind of stalked me all around the convention. I ended up giving him my phone number because he just wouldn't go away.

I don't recommend this approach, btw. It's a good way to get security called on you. If I'd been more mature -- I was 17 when we met -- I'd have been looking for a staff member to get rid of him for me.



01 Dec 2009, 4:42 pm

I met my husband online from a forum. I posted a thread asking if there is anyone in my area who like to hang out and have some diaper fun. Then he PM me and said he liked one of my stories. I had a site with my stories on there which no longer exists. I never bothered making another one yet and reposting them. Then we were IMing each other on AIM every night chatting and then on my birthday, we met. He could tell that day I do have AS. He already knew I had it because I told him on IM. I told him after he asked me if I had it because I gave him the link to the aspie test to take and he asked me if I had it and I said I was diagnosed with it. Then I took him to Spokane to share my obsession with him and it brought us closer together. Then he was seeing me every weekend. Then after a month on knowing each other in real life, we were in a relationship.
We got an apartment together that fall and married this summer. We have been together for two years.



OuterBoroughGirl
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01 Dec 2009, 5:45 pm

I met my boyfriend S online on a dating site for people with like minded political views. I'd joined this site after going on one date with a guy with political views that are very different from mine (met him online as well) and realizing that in terms of romantic relationships, I need to be with someone I see eye to eye with politically.
After I joined this site, I found S's profile and was intrigued, so I sent him a message. He responded, and gave me his e-mail address. We exchanged relatively lengthy e-mails for a month and a half before we went out on our first date. That was two years ago.
I hope that helped.


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sufi
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01 Dec 2009, 6:42 pm

1967-He was living in the guys dorm, I in the girls dorm next door. I worked the dinner line serving mash potatoes in the men's cafeteria (yes, back then they were separate)
I checked him out.
Thought he was interesting looking.
I looked at him, smiled, and said,
"with or without gravy."


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DW_a_mom
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01 Dec 2009, 7:38 pm

Since we're not sure if I'm AS, but pretty sure my husband is, I'll answer from his perspective.

He met me through my sister, whom he had become friends with. We all attended the same social function. Then he kept his interest in check for 2 years before asking me out - seems he didn't feel "ready" for, well, anything at the time we first met. Then he checked with my sister before actually asking me out - he didn't want to call if I was likely to say no.

But I accepted his 2 year's late date invitation anyway ;)


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xalepax
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01 Dec 2009, 9:31 pm

I met my husband at an underground station 14 years ago. We was both working as ticket booth clerks in the subway/underground/tube.
He came to shift me off and give me a break. I had never seen him before. But its a big and shifting workplace so all couldnt know each other
I was in chatmood so I stayed for a while to have a chat with him and get some company. I had no hurry as I had two hours break until next shift.
We had a great and very funny time our very first meeting and our talkings was only workrelated.

After that I was looking forward to my shifts hoping to meet him again. We met now and then in work and had fun talkings and laughed a lot.
After a while we started to look each other up, how our shifting work schedule looked like.
I remember that I "happened to be at his station by coincidence" just to pass him by and say "Hi are you here today" and to have a chat and he could do the same, lol :D

Next spring we celebrate 10 years of happy, stonestrength and loving marriage, still filled with a lot of laughs!


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leejosepho
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01 Dec 2009, 9:43 pm

My wife and I met over a game of Uno (she later said she had not wanted to play) at the home of a mutual friend, and we married just 5 weeks later so we could get some sleep!


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DonkeyBuster
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01 Dec 2009, 10:22 pm

leejosepho wrote:
My wife and I met over a game of Uno (she later said she had not wanted to play) at the home of a mutual friend, and we married just 5 weeks later so we could get some sleep!


:lol: I remember that part... courtship was exhausting! :lol:



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02 Dec 2009, 12:40 pm

I met my boyfriend through one of my ex work colleagues. I'm still very good friends with the ex work colleague, who is my boyfriend's best friend. We met up in a pub and clicked almost straight away. He knew I was autistic before he met me and it didn't bother him. We have now been together nearly 3 and a half years and have lived together for nearly a year and a half.


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Psiri
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02 Dec 2009, 3:09 pm

Thanks for the responses everyone. I'm afraid I can't add my own, sometime in the future maybe...


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