when crush = pain

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Hello,

I'm not quite aspie, still, relations with others aren't easy for me. Looking stupid or being a burden always scares me.

When I start having a crush on a particular girl, it usually last quite a while (about a year) even if I doesn't see her often. Each time, there are attempts to get closer to her and her circle of friends and, until now, it has always ended up with a failure. (Needless to say it's hard on the self esteem.)

What to do when we fear love for that reason, because of all the pain. What to do when you ask yourself: "should I try somethin' or should I destroyed the hopes in order to stop this pointless nonsense"

In my experience trying something ends the pointless nonsense because the answer is always no.

But I do think that it is better to find out than to always wonder what might have happened. If you find out she feels the same way, that's great. If you find out she doesn't, well that lets you move on.

I do that whole skirting round someone for a year thing as well. One of my friends told me that I wait too long and the guy loses interest. But I don't know how to do it any other way.

I don't have a self-esteem anymore. It's looong gone.

there is more,

Lately I've been seeing another girl as friend. That frienship really is precious to me and I fear it ends up with love feelings.
If that happens, things would get complicated since she'd probably understand what's going on and would be highly unlikely to consider me as a potential partner.

Any advice?

That's good advice because you get a conclusion, instead of being suspended in doubt. Unless you really enjoy doubt. I say, feel the fear and do it regardless.

Since you are young, you need to experiment in order to work out what's what. If you don't try and fail, you won't learn as much. Pain is only pain, and it goes away, and if it doesn't, see a therapist. A healthy person is supposed to experience some pain; there's always some pain involved in growth. This applies to all spheres of life.

Crushes are a funny thing...

I found banging a girl who looks just like your crush tends to make it go away quick...

Except for the whole part of... getting to the point where he'd be banging a girl which looks just like the crush.

I'm not looking for a girlfriend in order to have a sexual partner, I'm thinking more of... a very very close friend. No secrets, we share everything, only then we can get more intimate...

If that crush offers me to have sex just for fun, i'd probably refuse, believe it or not.

You poor poor man...

Ricky, that's so rude. There's no need for it. There's nothing pitiable about that statement. He's looking for something you aren't, and that's fine. Why does it bother you enough to respond like that?

He's our new resident troll, that's why...

I never know whether he's trolling or crying out for help.

As far as I can tell he's just out for sex, which is perfectly fine by me... it's the fact that he's trying to convert people such as myself into that same sex-crazed type that annoys me.

I agree, I've got nothing against that. If sex without love is what people want, then I hope they get it. It's when people try to force their view on others that I take umbrage.

I was just kidding with him.

I am not forcing anyone to believe anything they don't want to.

The whole point of a forum is that it is a peanut gallery. The opinions are worth what you pay for them!