Question for the Aspie males that want girlfriends.

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Tim_Tex
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14 Feb 2010, 9:05 am

Spazzergasm wrote:

therange wrote:

What exactly is it that a woman would solve in your life? If you're socially inept, aren't very interesting (to the NT crowd, i.e. the women you want) and are untreated for depression, what exactly is a woman going to do to make things better? If anything, she'll judge you more than your worst enemy, and dump you sooner than later.

What I'm saying is, all of the guys on here who complain about not having a girlfriend are breaking the number one dating rule...neediness. Women will sense that you'll do anything to impress or keep her, and she'll be scared off and leave. So basically, you're just wasting time thinking about getting a girlfriend. You can take the route some guys take on here and get an internet girlfriend and maybe meet up with her...if she doesn't live close, take a plane or train and meet her and maybe she'll like you for your current depressed self, but really, women want guys who are interesting and aren't negative and have a bad opinion of the opposite sex. Women want guys who can carry a conversation and have interests other than video games and science fiction.

My point being that you're wasting precious time hating the opposite sex and the world instead of improving your life.

Doing anything to keep her is flattering, provided it is known after you guys are emotionally intimate.

I agree, but why are some people freaked out by said gestures?

What about people who have jump through hoops to be with them?

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Sound
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14 Feb 2010, 1:39 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:

I agree, but why are some people freaked out by said gestures?

What about people who have jump through hoops to be with them?

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt119344.html

I can understand why it doesn't seem to make much sense. But it really, truly, freaks out many people.

therange
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14 Feb 2010, 1:54 pm

When you're a relatively happy person, you don't dependent on a significant other. I would LIKE to have someone that I feel strongly about, but I don't need it. It seems a lot of the guys on here just want a mother figure to love them unconditionally, and in Tim's case, also do dirty things with him. That isn't a relationship, that's co-dependency.

Northeastern292
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14 Feb 2010, 2:02 pm

therange wrote:

Well, I can't help but falling for someone who reminds me of my mom. She's a respectable person, very level-headed, a college grad, not tacky, all things I value in the opposite sex.

Sound
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14 Feb 2010, 2:28 pm

ToadOfSteel
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14 Feb 2010, 2:38 pm

therange wrote:

You keep bringing up how two people unconditionally loving each other is co-dependency. If that's the case, then what is a relationship?

Sound
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14 Feb 2010, 3:01 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:

You keep bringing up how two people unconditionally loving each other is co-dependency. If that's the case, then what is a relationship?

therange never said that, nor implied it. Apparently the problem is that you can't seem to divorce the ideas of love and over-dependence. One does not necessitate the other.

Northeastern292
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14 Feb 2010, 3:15 pm

Northeastern292 wrote:

therange wrote:

Well, I can't help but falling for someone who reminds me of my mom. She's a respectable person, very level-headed, a college grad, not tacky, all things I value in the opposite sex.

Let me rephrase that: We all have some sort of Oedipus complex in us. It's keeping it in check that is important.

ToadOfSteel
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14 Feb 2010, 3:28 pm

Sound wrote:

ToadOfSteel wrote:

You keep bringing up how two people unconditionally loving each other is co-dependency. If that's the case, then what is a relationship?

therange never said that, nor implied it. Apparently the problem is that you can't seem to divorce the ideas of love and over-dependence. One does not necessitate the other.

I don't see what's so bad about two people giving wholly of themselves to each other. Call it co-dependence if you like, but I for one cannot truly love someone unless I can completely trust and depend on her... I don't mean to say by "depending" that I need to use said person for total emotional support, but knowing that there is someone there for me when I do need it is the best feeling in the world. And, of course, I would return the favor if she required it of me.

Sound
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14 Feb 2010, 3:35 pm

Northeastern292 wrote:

Let me rephrase that: We all have some sort of Oedipus complex in us. It's keeping it in check that is important.

I know, I know, you're right, I'm just flippin ya some s**t, I was bein mean, sorry. ><

Sound
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14 Feb 2010, 3:45 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:

Well, now we're in murky territory, related to one's definition of love, or 'weighing' kinds of love. Arguing in that realm is just not too useful, no matter how strongly we may feel.

However, this does not change the fact that a person is more prone to finding a solid relationship when they are healthy. And that relationships are more resistant to breakdown when both individuals are emotionally healthy. And that when kids come along, their livelihoods and futures will be far better with a healthy relationship between their parents(I'm still quite irritated with my own parents, on this front).

ToadOfSteel
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14 Feb 2010, 3:54 pm

Sound wrote:

Well, now we're in murky territory, related to one's definition of love, or 'weighing' kinds of love. Arguing in that realm is just not too useful, no matter how strongly we may feel.

Yeah, I'm kinda figuring that out now...

Quote:

However, this does not change the fact that a person is more prone to finding a solid relationship when they are healthy. And that relationships are more resistant to breakdown when both individuals are emotionally healthy. And that when kids come along, their livelihoods and futures will be far better with a healthy relationship between their parents(I'm still quite irritated with my own parents, on this front).

Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating abandoning all self-improvement like some other people are (or even as I myself once did a few months back). I see the merit in self-improvement (as long as one doesn't get to self-centered in the process), but without external validation, any self-improvement I could do is kinda pointless...

Sound
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14 Feb 2010, 4:41 pm

See, that's what concerns me - Why is doing something for yourself a bad thing if it does not detriment another person?

Hector
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14 Feb 2010, 5:07 pm

Northeastern292 wrote:

therange wrote:

Well, I can't help but falling for someone who reminds me of my mom. She's a respectable person, very level-headed, a college grad, not tacky, all things I value in the opposite sex.

Let me rephrase that: We all have some sort of Oedipus complex in us. It's keeping it in check that is important.

I think you're just reading too much into the term "mother figure". therange is just referring to that as being someone who has to take care of you like a mother typically takes care of a child. You could have a mother who didn't care for you at all and still have a "mother figure".

Some women I find more attractive for showing some of my mother's good qualities, but this also applies to showing good qualities of my friends and those of other people I respect so I'm not sure I should call that oedipal.

ToadOfSteel
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14 Feb 2010, 5:43 pm

Sound wrote:

See, that's what concerns me - Why is doing something for yourself a bad thing if it does not detriment another person?

Directly? nothing. But when you start to get used to only doing things to benefit yourself, you start slipping down the path to narcissism. I was fully narcissist when I was a kid, only caring about me, only liking something if I benefitted from it, getting violent if I lost at pretty much anything competitive, etc... And everyone downright hated me. I don't want to return to that way of living, ever again...

Sound
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14 Feb 2010, 5:55 pm

Doing things for one's own benefit, even with a constant basis, does not diminish the importance one already feels toward doing things for the benefit of others.
If you spent time focusing on yourself, it would not strip away your interest in the welfare of others. They are fully and utterly independent.

Those that focus on themselves, but care far less for others, would still not care for others if they cared about themselves less.

Boy you make this sound like The Dark Side of the Force or something.

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