What constitutes "damaged goods"?

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Shebakoby
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16 Jun 2010, 1:23 am

I've been hearing about this a lot, in conversation and just randomly over the internet: the concept of "damaged goods" and how it relates to someone being unsuitable for a relationship.

Now the only things I can think of that would make a person "Damaged goods" are previous abuse, or a history of cheating.

Are there other ways to be 'damaged goods'?



Villette
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16 Jun 2010, 1:43 am

Some picky guys think a non-virgin is damaged goods ... especially in Asian countries. Chances are, if you change boyfriends a lot and sleep around quite often, they see you as a hook-up.



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16 Jun 2010, 1:54 am

I have a friend who thinks anyone who isn't 100% emotionally self-sufficient has "damaged goods"--this would pretty much be everybody.

Basically, if she is in a relationship where she has to give emotional support, show empathy, consider anyone else's feelings, or endure burdens or inconveniences, then the partner has "damaged goods". And if you tell her something she doesn't want to hear, she will call you a "manipulator".

As for myself, I agree 100% with Shebakoby on the topic.


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nick007
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16 Jun 2010, 2:33 am

I think "Damaged goods" is someone who was in a bad relationship & they are having some problems dealing with things. They may be slow to trust because they wer lied to or they may want to take things slowly because they are worried about someone using em if they take it fast, Unlike most guys; I actually like "Damaged goods". I have some issues myself & am very far from perfect so maybe we could help each other work true our issues & grow stronger for it. I do NOT see "Damaged goods" as being damaged


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GoatOnFire
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16 Jun 2010, 2:40 am

I'm not sure what other guys would think if this term is being applied to women.

If I were to apply a meaning I would say that damaged goods means she has kids.


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16 Jun 2010, 3:36 am

Shebakoby wrote:
I've been hearing about this a lot, in conversation and just randomly over the internet: the concept of "damaged goods" and how it relates to someone being unsuitable for a relationship.

Now the only things I can think of that would make a person "Damaged goods" are previous abuse, or a history of cheating.

Are there other ways to be 'damaged goods'?


"Damaged goods" is a term people use to try to inflict pain by attempting to instill a sense of inferiority in them, by attacking them on subjects the individual had no control over.

For example, rape victims are often the subject of this type of insult.

It is a difficult insult to navigate due to it's illogical nature. If the insultee protests "I am not" they are conceding to the insulter that he or she has achieved the goal of upsetting them, and opens the doors for the insulter to launch a second attack in which they can re-iterate how that person meets the definition of "damaged goods"

An alternate response would simply be to ignore the insulter, on the grounds that you can't argue with stupid. You might choose to inform the person of this, but bear in mind a person who uses such an insult as "damaged goods" really has little in the way of cognitive funcitoning, and as there exists no magical smart stick to whack them with, they really are not worth your time.



hale_bopp
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16 Jun 2010, 4:52 am

I don't know what it means. I'm probably damaged goods in more than one way.



auntblabby
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16 Jun 2010, 4:55 am

in your grandfather/mother's age, there was a saying for the used-and-discarded female, "the sadder but wiser gal." there are many sadder-but-wiser men also. sometimes it takes being burnt to learn to avoid playing with fire. i guess this would represent the positive aspect of being "damaged goods." but there will always be superficial types who see damaged goods as just being "damaged bads" instead.



nick007
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16 Jun 2010, 6:11 am

auntblabby wrote:
in your grandfather/mother's age, there was a saying for the used-and-discarded female, "the sadder but wiser gal." there are many sadder-but-wiser men also. sometimes it takes being burnt to learn to avoid playing with fire. i guess this would represent the positive aspect of being "damaged goods." but there will always be superficial types who see damaged goods as just being "damaged bads" instead.


Some people want someone naive that they can take advantage of. I hear guys on some dating sites talking about how they don't want "damaged goods" & I think some of those guys are extremely selfish jerks who only want someone to take care of them. Some of those guys seem to be "damaged goods" to me cuz they talk about how they had bad experiences with women who had issues over being used by other guys; guys who say they do not want "damaged goods" seem to be humongous hypocrites


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hale_bopp
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16 Jun 2010, 6:18 am

I often see men writing they want people with "no baggage" on dating sites. Is that a similar thing?



Tim_Tex
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16 Jun 2010, 6:20 am

I think they're the same thing. Nobody of either gender is baggage free.


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Northeastern292
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16 Jun 2010, 8:29 am

Villette wrote:
Some picky guys think a non-virgin is damaged goods ... especially in Asian countries. Chances are, if you change boyfriends a lot and sleep around quite often, they see you as a hook-up.


Actually, on the web cartoon Neurotically Yours, the main character, Foamy the Squirrel, compares a divorcee to being certified pre-f_____ and all of those car commercials with "certified pre-owned".

In my opinion, I think the term "damaged goods" tends to be be a bit derogatory.



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16 Jun 2010, 8:42 am

I'm damaged goods and I'll be the first to admit to it. The first girl I had feelings for was when I was 8, I was still crying over her while I was in middle school. First girl I proposed to cheated on me, I told her to get out of my house (she was living with me) and I've yet to shed the first tear and when me and my current girlfriend broke up a while back I was out on a date with another girl the next night. I just find it harder to care with every girl that passes by and I'm not the only one that notices it.



auntblabby
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16 Jun 2010, 8:52 am

it is one thing to be damaged goods, but it is quite another to create more damaged goods in turn.



billsmithglendale
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16 Jun 2010, 11:16 am

I'm thinking the definition is being taken too broadly here -- Most people get rejected, dumped, or otherwise negatively impacted at some point in their life. They move on, they get over the depression (which can last 2 years), and they find more happiness.

IMHO, damaged goods constitute something with a much longer, life-spanning disability or impact. My guesses for this:

1. A history of sexual abuse (this will pretty much ruin a person for life, and vastly inhibit their ability to have normal sexual relations)

2. Severe psychosis or neurosis (borderline personality disorder, extreme obsessive compulsive disorder, bipolar disorder, etc.)

3. A history of physical or mental abuse -- just like #1, a lot of trust issues and bonding abilities get affected here.

I think you guys, with maybe one or two rejections or getting dumped on your belt, are overreacting. This stuff happens to NT's too, and probably the people who are the most successful in love have also had the most rejections, just out of sheer numbers of times they tried and failed to make the connection.



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16 Jun 2010, 12:28 pm

I was called damaged goods by a couple of guys in high school. Some of the reasons they gave was because I'm physically disabled and was abused in my past. I think it's a subjective term that everyone has a different definition for, though.