On mildly intoxicated socialising and "seduction"

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caek
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17 Oct 2010, 4:23 pm

I've been out of a relationship for a few months now.
(was dysfunctional, so would rather not use it as basis for future behavior.)

Met an awesome girl at a party, failed at holding intrest, must improve.
(she was shy too, so not all my fault. :-P )

I was wondering what the instructions are to as closely mimic regular folks as possible in non-verbal behaviors?
(me and friends are 20ish, girl was 18.)

When should I ditch my usual (overly) polite word choice and behaviors for local norms?

(Aspergers, mildly affected except when it comes to "natural" conversation.)

P.S. I stop being able to translate thinking words(big words) into spoken word (short words) after imbibing alcohol, is there a way around this?)



Shadwell
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17 Oct 2010, 4:26 pm

I guess I got lucky and found someone who likes me for who I am. It will turn many people off, but they're bound to find out sooner or later.



Last edited by Shadwell on 18 Oct 2010, 4:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

caek
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17 Oct 2010, 4:38 pm

I'd disagree with the just being myself thing.

Sure I'm awesome 'n all, or at least adequate.

But the non-verbal stuff is a large part of the getting of the girl, I can be confident, I can make bad jokes, but the "off-ness" that I've heard a lot of people with aspergers also display is a large hurdle to allowing one's target of affection to feel comfortable.

That's what I'm looking to minimise, I'm not asking for pick up lines here =P.



techstepgenr8tion
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17 Oct 2010, 5:31 pm

So if I understand this right the problem is that while other people just get more sloppy as they drink, things fall down for you differently - ie. you don't get less philosophical nor does your vocabulary shrink but rather the sensor that keeps you from using too many big words around people falls off and you start feeling like the buzz-kill of the party?

Yeah, I've had the same experience often enough - hate it. I don't know what kind of advice I can give aside from just trying to keep that governance on no matter how much you've had to drink (ie. continue to not get philosophical or use big words). Or, at times where you can't say anything that will go over people's heads or seem weird or off for the situation - just don't say anything. Rather, if they're playing something like pool or ping pong, get involved. If its beerpong - get involved. Common experience and immediate things to talk about will at least take some of the burden off of your back to generate conversation off the top of your head. As for your underlying personality traits that cause you to think that way in the first place - sorry - that's not going away.



caek
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17 Oct 2010, 5:36 pm

So drink less or talk less.

=D

I think I can do that.



techstepgenr8tion
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17 Oct 2010, 5:40 pm

caek wrote:
So drink less or talk less.

=D

I think I can do that.

And find situations where momentary/superficial conversation provides itself.



Shadwell
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18 Oct 2010, 4:26 pm

caek wrote:
I'd disagree with the just being myself thing.

Sure I'm awesome 'n all, or at least adequate.

But the non-verbal stuff is a large part of the getting of the girl, I can be confident, I can make bad jokes, but the "off-ness" that I've heard a lot of people with aspergers also display is a large hurdle to allowing one's target of affection to feel comfortable.

That's what I'm looking to minimise, I'm not asking for pick up lines here =P.


Woman do seem to like confidence, not all confidence, but it can be really difficult being an aspie. Being yourself can be a part of the whole confidence thing. Not there isn't things we all need to improve on, but usually an aspies "off-ness" isn't really any weirder than some of the things normal people do like running on a tread mill. I think we can pick up on the whole non-verbal thing with a little research, it does help and is interesting but they always seem to smell us out eventually.