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foreveryoung
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28 Jun 2010, 7:46 pm

Taking a brief look around, it looks like the past few months I haven't missed anything other than people taking about the pet names they give their internet girlfriend.

I've come back to share information and to help those who want to be helped. I will not waste time criticizing those who just want to whine and have instant results and don't want to change. You can't teach an old dog new tricks. What I will do is volunteer information to those who want it.

I've discovered yet another key to happiness: Keeping oneself's busy while also having fun keeping busy. For example, I've been busy planning family stuff, and also just came back from a two week vacation in Orlando and Virginia Beach. My band (the one I was going to quit because they weren't playing enough songs I liked) has its first gig in two weeks and my relationship with everyone in the band is great. Not only that, they've let me chose songs I want to play.

What I learned with the band is that much like a relationship, it's about compromise...meeting in the middle. The people on here who truly want a relationship, and don't want to just vent about not having one...it will take some compromise to get that relationship. You will not find whatever dream partner you've been concocting in your head.

On the vacation, I learned that if you're busy, you don't have time to think about your problems, including the being single "problem." Not only that, you're more likely to meet someone when you're busy, because 1.)There are more people out there (men and women), 2.)People can notice that you're having fun and enjoying your surroundings and they want to get to know you.

I'm sorry to see, by glancing the love and dating board, the number of "Will I ever find a boyfriend/girlfriend" threads...but to those of you who belong to that camp who want to listen, here it is: The problem isn't the lack of a boyfriend or a girlfriend. The problem is the empty void in your life that you think having a boyfriend or girlfriend will fill. It won't, speaking from first hand experience. It will work as a supplement, nothing more, nothing less.

Idle hands are the devil's playpen. By just dreaming, you're giving yourself more time to think about your problems, and in turn, manifesting those problems into neediness and feeling like you need a relationship. Not only that, you're being counterproductive because if you were busy, you'd have more chances to meet people.

Here's another secret: I'm not Mr. Relationship experience, have only had one myself, but I can tell you from the one I had and from the many I've heard about in detail, that they aren't this Disney or Twilight or Romantic Comedy experience. They involve a lot of work, that to be honest, would be even more work for an Aspie.

A really good movie that indicates what it takes to find a relationship and make it work is Groundhog Day. Bill Murray didn't fully get the attention of the Andie McDowell character until he was happy and well-rounded. I'd consider that movie a must watch for anyone that either wants a relationship or is under the delusion that a relationship will solve all of their problems.

I probably won't be posting much, as I won't attack people or try to help the helpless. Rather, I'll add to what other people already say so that people know I'm not choosing sides.



Sparrowrose
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28 Jun 2010, 8:33 pm

foreveryoung wrote:
A really good movie that indicates what it takes to find a relationship and make it work is Groundhog Day. Bill Murray didn't fully get the attention of the Andie McDowell character until he was happy and well-rounded.


Agreed. He started helping people and reading and learning things and through that he became the kind of person Andie McDowell would want to be with instead of the needy poseur he was originally when he was trying to "win her" without really respecting her.

I've found the same thing you say -- it is when I'm really in to something cool in my life that a potential partner happens along and makes me aware of them. And if I'm into my own stuff, I have "more me" to offer them. If I'm just looking for a person, I don't have any cool stuff of my own to bring to the table and I just come across as needy and clingy.

Good advice.


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Seanmw
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28 Jun 2010, 9:07 pm

foreveryoung wrote:
Taking a brief look around, it looks like the past few months I haven't missed anything other than people taking about the pet names they give their internet girlfriend.


i suspect that bit is about me :lol:

and actually more like cell phone girlfriend for the most part. It's the primary mode of communication we use.
Though yeah, i have noticed a few copycats jumping on the bandwagon and making similar threads.


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Sparrowrose
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28 Jun 2010, 10:29 pm

I hadn't noticed the pet names threads. For the record, he calls me "birds" and I call him "cows"


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Northeastern292
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29 Jun 2010, 2:34 pm

foreveryoung wrote:
I've discovered yet another key to happiness: Keeping oneself's busy while also having fun keeping busy. For example, I've been busy planning family stuff, and also just came back from a two week vacation in Orlando and Virginia Beach. My band (the one I was going to quit because they weren't playing enough songs I liked) has its first gig in two weeks and my relationship with everyone in the band is great. Not only that, they've let me chose songs I want to play.


I agree with this one. Girls don't go for guys that don't stay busy and have fun.

foreveryoung wrote:
What I learned with the band is that much like a relationship, it's about compromise...meeting in the middle. The people on here who truly want a relationship, and don't want to just vent about not having one...it will take some compromise to get that relationship. You will not find whatever dream partner you've been concocting in your head.


Definitely. I've always had dreams about that dream girl, but I've ended up simplifying it down to three S's: smart, sexy and a sweetheart.

foreveryoung wrote:
On the vacation, I learned that if you're busy, you don't have time to think about your problems, including the being single "problem." Not only that, you're more likely to meet someone when you're busy, because 1.)There are more people out there (men and women), 2.)People can notice that you're having fun and enjoying your surroundings and they want to get to know you.

I'm sorry to see, by glancing the love and dating board, the number of "Will I ever find a boyfriend/girlfriend" threads...but to those of you who belong to that camp who want to listen, here it is: The problem isn't the lack of a boyfriend or a girlfriend. The problem is the empty void in your life that you think having a boyfriend or girlfriend will fill. It won't, speaking from first hand experience. It will work as a supplement, nothing more, nothing less.

Idle hands are the devil's playpen. By just dreaming, you're giving yourself more time to think about your problems, and in turn, manifesting those problems into neediness and feeling like you need a relationship. Not only that, you're being counterproductive because if you were busy, you'd have more chances to meet people.


I'll agree with this one quite strongly. My mom and stepdad hawked at me on this one for ages, and for good reason too. Idle hands are indeed the devil's playpen/workshop. I swear we wouldn't need a huge police force if everyone had a job. Just my two cents on that one.

foreveryoung wrote:
Here's another secret: I'm not Mr. Relationship experience, have only had one myself, but I can tell you from the one I had and from the many I've heard about in detail, that they aren't this Disney or Twilight or Romantic Comedy experience. They involve a lot of work, that to be honest, would be even more work for an Aspie.

A really good movie that indicates what it takes to find a relationship and make it work is Groundhog Day. Bill Murray didn't fully get the attention of the Andie McDowell character until he was happy and well-rounded. I'd consider that movie a must watch for anyone that either wants a relationship or is under the delusion that a relationship will solve all of their problems.


Thanks. Another movie to add to the trillions of movies I still have to watch!! !!



Bugzee
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29 Jun 2010, 5:36 pm

Welcome back, therange. How come your using a new account? Was your old one banned?



foreveryoung
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29 Jun 2010, 8:15 pm

Bugzee wrote:
Welcome back, therange. How come your using a new account? Was your old one banned?


No. I made a new password that I wouldn't be able to remember so I wouldn't go on anymore. I was sick of the whining on the site (no one in particular, I mean that) and the repetitive posts, plus I obviously had my own issues to deal with (the guilt about liking beautiful women and wanting to have sex with them and the "should I wait for the one" debate.)

I also realized, that realistically, I'm in no position to meet "the one"...in my current living situation, financially, and also the fact that I want to meet, get to know, and experience more women than just one in my life. Also my family and I might be moving in the near future. So I realized "Why not instead worry about Mrs. Right Now?" That doesn't mean be a manwh0re...but rather just date a girl that may very well be an ex girlfriend or ex fling in the near future. If anything, you get conversation, sex, and more dating experience out of it, and maybe that woman might be the one or know someone who turns out to be the one.



Asp-Z
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30 Jun 2010, 11:45 am

Forever Young. That's a good song. Dunno if you're intentionally referencing it, but it's what it made me think of.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrcpxxEMnj0[/youtube]



Sparrowrose
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30 Jun 2010, 2:21 pm

Being from an older generation, these are the songs I think of when I hear the phrase "forever young":


Bob Dylan:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCGekQgywZI[/youtube]

Rod Stewart:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gVsQZ2hVj8&feature=related[/youtube]


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"In the end, we decide if we're remembered for what happened to us or for what we did with it."
-- Randy K. Milholland

Avatar=WWI propaganda poster promoting victory gardens.