The difference between being in-love and loving someone.

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Politelysaying
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07 Jul 2010, 12:34 am

There is a big difference guys, being in-love is more of a feeling, where as love is more an action. When you're in-love, the flaws of the other person don't seem relvent but as the relationship continues, this tend to change, and the flaws become obvious. What makes love work, is being to deal with those flaws and continue the relationship. Why do you think marriages fail so much? Because of this very simple defination that seems to be escaping today generation. I find quite sad to find people, opting out just because they didn't meet this standard of (idealization). If I could give a perfect selection of movies touch on this are Good Will Hunting and Shandiola (Robin william and James Strewart Star in both). These talk about what is necessary to make such thing as love work and maybe it help you guys out. Great movies anyway though, so be sure to check them out. :D

Cheers,
Paul



n4mwd
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07 Jul 2010, 5:34 am

I think it boils down to the fact that no woman can truly be trusted. Its simply their nature to betray people. Some guys, especially NT's, become blinded to that fact because of the way she looks or the sex that she gives him. Eventually, he regains his ability to see the truth and that is when guys start thinking about divorce court. Some guys are far sighted and never do see the truth, and these guys stay married for a long time. And if you look at those marriages closely, they tend to be one where the guy has lowered himself to being a slave to the woman. Others are simply mutual friendships for the sake of kids or appearance.



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07 Jul 2010, 6:52 am

n4mwd wrote:
I think it boils down to the fact that no woman can truly be trusted. Its simply their nature to betray people. Some guys, especially NT's, become blinded to that fact because of the way she looks or the sex that she gives him. Eventually, he regains his ability to see the truth and that is when guys start thinking about divorce court. Some guys are far sighted and never do see the truth, and these guys stay married for a long time. And if you look at those marriages closely, they tend to be one where the guy has lowered himself to being a slave to the woman. Others are simply mutual friendships for the sake of kids or appearance.

I'm thinking from this post that you must have been really hurt by women in the past.

I hope you are able to heal enough to see that not all women are like this.



RICKY5
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07 Jul 2010, 4:27 pm

n4mwd wrote:
I think it boils down to the fact that no woman can truly be trusted. Its simply their nature to betray people. Some guys, especially NT's, become blinded to that fact because of the way she looks or the sex that she gives him. Eventually, he regains his ability to see the truth and that is when guys start thinking about divorce court. Some guys are far sighted and never do see the truth, and these guys stay married for a long time. And if you look at those marriages closely, they tend to be one where the guy has lowered himself to being a slave to the woman. Others are simply mutual friendships for the sake of kids or appearance.


Amen! Marriage is being made obsolete by the four sirens of the sexual apocalypse. Google it.

Sex is a very powerful Motivator/control
Device.



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07 Jul 2010, 10:10 pm

n4mwd wrote:
I think it boils down to the fact that no woman can truly be trusted.

Holy Sexist Comment, Batman!


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07 Jul 2010, 10:18 pm

n4mwd wrote:
I think it boils down to the fact that no woman can truly be trusted. Its simply their nature to betray people.
There is a difference Big between a victim and a volunteer!


8O are there volcanoes in New Zealand :?:



n4mwd
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07 Jul 2010, 10:38 pm

LostAlien wrote:
n4mwd wrote:
I think it boils down to the fact that no woman can truly be trusted. ...

I'm thinking from this post that you must have been really hurt by women in the past.

I hope you are able to heal enough to see that not all women are like this.


Of course I have been hurt by women. Pretty much all guys have been hurt by women at one time or another. And I still say that no women can be fully trusted. Some women are more trustworthy than others, but they'll all stab you in the back under the right circumstances. Its just their nature. Nothing personal. Not trusting them doesn't mean you can't love them. Married guys love their wives all the time. Most guys love their mothers. But trust is something different.

Just look at divorce court. Some guy was conned into thinking he could trust his wife. In divorce court she betrays him in every way imaginable.

I'm sure that most decent women don't intentionally set out to be untrustworthy, its just that they can't help themselves under the right circumstances. So if a guy starts a relationship with a woman, he should be very careful just what information he shares with her.



Ancalagon
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07 Jul 2010, 11:39 pm

n4mwd wrote:
And I still say that no women can be fully trusted. Some women are more trustworthy than others, but they'll all stab you in the back under the right circumstances. Its just their nature.

If you said no person can be trusted, I'd still say that's a bit too cynical, but this is just ridiculous. If you really think this, why don't you prove it? If every single female to have ever lived on the face of the earth was a backstabbing traitor by nature, surely the evidence would not be hard to find.

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Just look at divorce court. Some guy was conned into thinking he could trust his wife. In divorce court she betrays him in every way imaginable.

Not every divorce is like this. Not every woman is like this.

I've heard a number of nasty, despicable horror stories about divorce, but that doesn't make every woman in the world a backstabber.


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book_noodles
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07 Jul 2010, 11:54 pm

I can't see the difference :? I saw "Good Will Hunting" ... and "Good Wilt Hunting," which is an episode of Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. Ahem. Neither helped clarify the concept.


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08 Jul 2010, 12:12 am

Ancalagon wrote:
n4mwd wrote:
And I still say that no women can be fully trusted. Some women are more trustworthy than others, but they'll all stab you in the back under the right circumstances. Its just their nature.

If you said no person can be trusted, I'd still say that's a bit too cynical, but this is just ridiculous. If you really think this, why don't you prove it? If every single female to have ever lived on the face of the earth was a backstabbing traitor by nature, surely the evidence would not be hard to find.

Quote:
Just look at divorce court. Some guy was conned into thinking he could trust his wife. In divorce court she betrays him in every way imaginable.

Not every divorce is like this. Not every woman is like this.

I've heard a number of nasty, despicable horror stories about divorce, but that doesn't make every woman in the world a backstabber.


So what then? Why should a guy gamble on losing everything for what boils down to playing into a reward cycle of diminishing returns?



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08 Jul 2010, 5:12 am

RICKY5 wrote:
So what then? Why should a guy gamble on losing everything for what boils down to playing into a reward cycle of diminishing returns?


It's interesting that you accuse Toad of poisoning himself (it's true, he does), when I think you have a similar problem. Where he is fatalistic about his ability to attract women, you are fatalistic about the shape of relationships.


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LostAlien
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09 Jul 2010, 4:47 am

n4mwd wrote:
LostAlien wrote:
n4mwd wrote:
I think it boils down to the fact that no woman can truly be trusted. ...

I'm thinking from this post that you must have been really hurt by women in the past.

I hope you are able to heal enough to see that not all women are like this.


Of course I have been hurt by women. Pretty much all guys have been hurt by women at one time or another. And I still say that no women can be fully trusted. Some women are more trustworthy than others, but they'll all stab you in the back under the right circumstances. Its just their nature. Nothing personal. Not trusting them doesn't mean you can't love them. Married guys love their wives all the time. Most guys love their mothers. But trust is something different.

Just look at divorce court. Some guy was conned into thinking he could trust his wife. In divorce court she betrays him in every way imaginable.

I'm sure that most decent women don't intentionally set out to be untrustworthy, its just that they can't help themselves under the right circumstances. So if a guy starts a relationship with a woman, he should be very careful just what information he shares with her.

If I was to say to you that no men could be trusted, how would you feel?

I know that I can be trusted by my nearest and dearest (I am a woman). I have been hurt by men in my life through betrayal but I know that there are men who can be trusted (even though I'm met only a few). It is better to have the viewpoint that both genders are capable of disloyal/untrustworthy behaviour (but not all of each gender).



nick007
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10 Jul 2010, 2:28 am

Politelysaying wrote:
There is a big difference guys, being in-love is more of a feeling, where as love is more an action. When you're in-love, the flaws of the other person don't seem relvent but as the relationship continues, this tend to change, and the flaws become obvious. What makes love work, is being to deal with those flaws and continue the relationship. Why do you think marriages fail so much? Because of this very simple defination that seems to be escaping today generation. I find quite sad to find people, opting out just because they didn't meet this standard of (idealization). If I could give a perfect selection of movies touch on this are Good Will Hunting and Shandiola (Robin william and James Strewart Star in both). These talk about what is necessary to make such thing as love work and maybe it help you guys out. Great movies anyway though, so be sure to check them out. :D

Cheers,
Paul


I think you are talking about the difference between infatuation & love. Lots of people mistake infatuation for love. I think infatuation is when you want to be with the person because of self-centered rezones; you may like how he/she looks or may like the way he/she does something for you or the way he/she handles themselves in a certain situation. Being in love is about caring for the other person; you want to be with him or her because you care about em & want to make em happy. It's really great when both those things are in place at the same time but I think infatuation is something that can happen quick & suddenly fade but love is something that takes time to develop & is much more lasting. Even if the relationships ends very horribly; if you wer only infatuated with em, your feelings will disappear but if you really loved em, you mite still care about em


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Siobhanit
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11 Jul 2010, 8:38 am

I had to giggle a little to myself when I first read this post because I have started to believe the very same thing about men!

Think about it: one man can father a child everyday while one woman can only conceive roughly once every year. I've been studying a lot of neurology and human sociobiology lately, and this is drawing me closer to the conclusion that serial skirt chasing is more of a fact of life than an aberration.

:-(



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11 Jul 2010, 12:45 pm

Siobhanit wrote:
I've been studying a lot of neurology and human sociobiology lately, and this is drawing me closer to the conclusion that serial skirt chasing is more of a fact of life than an aberration.


That's correct.


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11 Jul 2010, 12:57 pm

What you want: Monogamy
What you get: Serial Monogamy


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