Why do people rush into relationships?

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n4mwd
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04 Sep 2010, 6:22 pm

rmgh wrote:
Shebakoby wrote:
they are desperate and hormones make them idiots.

I agree with this.


I third it.

A lot of people have trouble differentiating love from lust. Lust is temporary, love is permanent.



nick007
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04 Sep 2010, 6:25 pm

rmgh wrote:
nick007 wrote:
I rushed in a relationship years ago. We wer freinds a while before but things got serious pretty fast after it became romantic instead of just a friendship. I was obsessed with her & dependant on her & extremely insecure but I also truly loved her with all my heart & I had NO desire to be with anyone but her. It was also the only time in my life when I ever felt truly happy & she also seemed a lot happier than she was when we met

What happened? If I can ask.


It's very complicated but the short version is we both had some serious issues & things fell apart & I had a mental breakdown. It was a long distance thing & she was having some issues with drugs & alcohol & I had issues about being insecure & lots of other stuff.


n4mwd wrote:
rmgh wrote:
Shebakoby wrote:
they are desperate and hormones make them idiots.

I agree with this.


I third it.

A lot of people have trouble differentiating love from lust. Lust is temporary, love is permanent.


That's very true. I was lucky cuz I didn't have the lust till after I had the love


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04 Sep 2010, 6:38 pm

Sometimes it's about religion. Two people fall for each other, and they can't restrain themselves when they're together. They end up having a sexual relationship, and they don't want to be criticized by their religious community for being in love.

Preachers are as much behind people rushing into marriage as insecurity and desperation. Marriage might be a quick and strong way to say 'don't leave me', but it's usually not the reason people propose.

At least that's been the case in Oklahoma.

I've been down that road, so I know...


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nick007
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04 Sep 2010, 7:21 pm

Pregnancy is another rezone to


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04 Sep 2010, 8:04 pm

nick007 wrote:
Pregnancy is another rezone to

I forgot about that one. A lot of people get married just because they don't want to be a single parent.

I half expect the dad to have been a sociopath, and the kid to grow up just like him. That's part of the reason I just don't get involved with single mothers.


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04 Sep 2010, 11:11 pm

And these people plan their lives around the person they are enamored with, without even considering their own financial stability or their careers, and what they truly want in life. The only thing they are thinking is "my life is meaningless and worthless if I don't have him/her".


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shine_on
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05 Sep 2010, 8:28 am

When you are in the early stages of a romantic relationship you think about the other person a lot and want to be with them. Most of the time life is wonderful and so you think about the possibility of a more permanent arrangement. Unfortunately this is not the best time to make this decision - the beist time is about two years later when the romantic scales have fallen from your eyes and you are ready to make an informed and rational decision whether you want to commit yourself to this person with all their (and your) strengths and weaknesses.



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05 Sep 2010, 8:42 am

Because our underlying condition is severe loneliness and getting to know someone who seems perfect makes people want to keep that. It's fear of losing it and then being lonely again. It's very sad actually.



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05 Sep 2010, 2:20 pm

Shebakoby wrote:
they are desperate and hormones make them idiots.


^ That

They could also have some secondary motive to get into a relationship, be it economics, lack of emotional safety (fearing to be along for 5 seconds), variations of selfish motives (they "need" someone to do stuff for them) - or other more bad stuff.


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05 Sep 2010, 2:33 pm

Although there a a myriad of reasons - I contend one of the main ones is loneliness.



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06 Sep 2010, 4:57 pm

While there is no set rule as to when it's ok to get engaged, or make long-term plans, I feel that < 6 months is simply not long enough to make such plans.


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06 Sep 2010, 5:01 pm

From my experience: pure desperation. "OMG I have to get into a relationship because being single sucks so bad and AAAHHH!" *turns to nearest lowlife* "Will you go out with me?"



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06 Sep 2010, 5:06 pm

If you hang around waiting, thinking about it logically, then you'll probably never do it.


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06 Sep 2010, 5:23 pm

I knew on my first date that I was going to marry my husband someday.

I guess, some people trust that instinct and are willing to run with it.

Me; not so much. I wanted to check for all the hidden skeletons before making it "final." I spent 2 1/2 years in that process, from first date to "I do."

But, still, I really did know. Perhaps we could have rushed it all and come out just fine; it's not like taking our time changed the end result.

So ... I think it comes down to each person's willingness to accept certain risks, and confidence in their instincts. Plus, maybe if other factors exist to push the time line.


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DW_a_mom
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06 Sep 2010, 5:26 pm

n4mwd wrote:
rmgh wrote:
Shebakoby wrote:
they are desperate and hormones make them idiots.

I agree with this.


I third it.

A lot of people have trouble differentiating love from lust. Lust is temporary, love is permanent.


Yes, some people mistake lust for love.

But ...

I can say that my certainty on my first date that I was going to marry this man had nothing to do with lust. I just, knew.

Granted, I knew an extraordinary amount about him already, given that he was friends with my sister, so that probably helped.

My love at first sight friends did not fall in lust. They somehow fell in love. Instinct somehow told them what information would confirm as time evolved.

We've all done the lust thing enough times to know what is different, and meeting the right person is ... different.


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Last edited by DW_a_mom on 06 Sep 2010, 5:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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06 Sep 2010, 5:30 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
I knew on my first date that I was going to marry my husband someday.

I guess, some people trust that instinct and are willing to run with it.

Me; not so much. I wanted to check for all the hidden skeletons before making it "final." I spent 2 1/2 years in that process, from first date to "I do."

But, still, I really did know. Perhaps we could have rushed it all and come out just fine; it's not like taking our time changed the end result.

So ... I think it comes down to each person's willingness to accept certain risks, and confidence in their instincts. Plus, maybe if other factors exist to push the time line.

It's also a factor of whether they're actually willing to do what it takes to make a marriage work. If you felt strongly enough to get married, then it's automatic that you've got chemistry.

The rest is just maintaining that chemistry and not destroying the relationship. If you've got two genuinely good people who really want to make things work, it'll work.

Chemistry doesn't vanish. People just hide who they are and change. Rushing into a marriage you really need to be cautious of shady people. Some people lie through their teeth and you'll never know.


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