Should I pursue this relationship?

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chaotik_lord
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29 Jan 2011, 12:35 am

I met a guy on OKCupid several months ago. We connected over our mutual love of Doctor Who. He has expressed interest in joining this forum and speculates that he might also be on the spectrum He said if it made me uncomfortable, he would refrain from joining. I assured him that I wouldn't stop him, and he insisted there were other ASD sites. So I assume until I give the thumbs up, it is all okay.

Anyway, I don't know if we should really be moving past the friendship level. He's very gay at times, and while I find him attractive, I worry about many things. He has assured me that he is find with my FTM status (I'm a preoperative female-to-male transsexual). I am not as sure. I've been through that before, and I do not want to find myself involved six months from now and have him realize that he needs a cock not made of plastic.

Beyond Doctor Who, I haven't been able to lock down points of common interest, and I doubt whether he can make me happy over the course of my life. Why date if they aren't the one?

That said, I do enjoy his company, and I'm willing to explore being friendship, but not willing to lose a (rare) friend. It's clear from our texts that he is very emotioally involved (another confusion for me I do not share).

Any advice is appreciated.



Moog
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29 Jan 2011, 3:35 am

I say just enjoy what it is now.


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Technikilor
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29 Jan 2011, 3:39 am

I'd tell him your feelings.



HopeGrows
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29 Jan 2011, 12:49 pm

chaotik_lord wrote:
I met a guy on OKCupid several months ago. We connected over our mutual love of Doctor Who. He has expressed interest in joining this forum and speculates that he might also be on the spectrum He said if it made me uncomfortable, he would refrain from joining. I assured him that I wouldn't stop him, and he insisted there were other ASD sites. So I assume until I give the thumbs up, it is all okay.

Anyway, I don't know if we should really be moving past the friendship level. He's very gay at times, and while I find him attractive, I worry about many things. He has assured me that he is find with my FTM status (I'm a preoperative female-to-male transsexual). I am not as sure. I've been through that before, and I do not want to find myself involved six months from now and have him realize that he needs a cock not made of plastic.

Beyond Doctor Who, I haven't been able to lock down points of common interest, and I doubt whether he can make me happy over the course of my life. Why date if they aren't the one?

That said, I do enjoy his company, and I'm willing to explore being friendship, but not willing to lose a (rare) friend. It's clear from our texts that he is very emotioally involved (another confusion for me I do not share).

Any advice is appreciated.


OP, are you saying that he's very emotionally involved with you, but that you're not emotionally involved with him? And that you don't see a real future for your relationship? Because those are the biggest red flags I see in your post (if I'm reading you right). IMO, you should ask him how he feels about pursuing the relationship as a friendship only. It wouldn't be fair to him to allow him to believe that you're interested in romance if you aren't.

Are you connected with support specifically for the LGBTQ community? It might help to talk about your pre-op concerns with others who have been through it. Good luck.


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superboyian
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29 Jan 2011, 12:58 pm

Tbh, I just think you would need to talk to him and have a conversation about what you have on your mind because communication is a very important thing in any type of relationship.

Being truthful may hurt but it definitely gains trust in people so all I can suggest is be trueful towards him and hopefully he should be alright but I cannot guarantee you that it will go according to plan though?


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