To those who are on OKCupid, does this happen often?

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biostructure
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21 Jan 2011, 10:13 pm

Yes, similar things have happened to me. Just once lately there was a woman who was obviously really interested, and the last I heard from her she was visiting relatives because one had passed away. She told me that we should get together when she was back in the area, but then next thing I know the profile is gone. It seems she must have changed her mind about being in a position where she wanted to date. There have been other instances where people I had gotten a reply from deleted their profiles, but no others that had actually expressed an intent to meet in person.

Oh... and there recently was one who canceled her profile, but gave me an email address where I could contact her. I haven't tried sending her a message yet. Though in this latter case, it was actually her political activism that caught my interest, so while of course there is always the possibility that some woman is into me for dating/sex, I wasn't thinking of that when I messaged her.



Jono
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22 Jan 2011, 5:43 pm

biostructure wrote:
Yes, similar things have happened to me. Just once lately there was a woman who was obviously really interested, and the last I heard from her she was visiting relatives because one had passed away. She told me that we should get together when she was back in the area, but then next thing I know the profile is gone. It seems she must have changed her mind about being in a position where she wanted to date. There have been other instances where people I had gotten a reply from deleted their profiles, but no others that had actually expressed an intent to meet in person.

Oh... and there recently was one who canceled her profile, but gave me an email address where I could contact her. I haven't tried sending her a message yet. Though in this latter case, it was actually her political activism that caught my interest, so while of course there is always the possibility that some woman is into me for dating/sex, I wasn't thinking of that when I messaged her.


Do you just move on when that happens. The thing that worries me is that there aren't many compatible people left in my area. Although one of the two girls I sent new messages to on Friday seems to of just joined this week.



biostructure
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22 Jan 2011, 7:47 pm

I am in a way lucky to have quite a few people in my area, and while there are times when I feel like I've seen all the profiles of the ones I'd be interested in, then next thing I know a bunch more people have joined. The discouraging thing for me is that I don't feel I have much of a sense of who would be compatible with me, beyond the percentage score that OKCupid itself gives. Also is the concern that no woman would be interested in me at my current level of interpersonal development--or rather no woman who lives nearby and whom I can find.



Jono
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23 Jan 2011, 7:16 am

biostructure wrote:
I am in a way lucky to have quite a few people in my area, and while there are times when I feel like I've seen all the profiles of the ones I'd be interested in, then next thing I know a bunch more people have joined. The discouraging thing for me is that I don't feel I have much of a sense of who would be compatible with me, beyond the percentage score that OKCupid itself gives. Also is the concern that no woman would be interested in me at my current level of interpersonal development--or rather no woman who lives nearby and whom I can find.


What do you mean by interpersonal development? The reason why I'm asking is that I had an argument with my mom about this yesterday. She thinks that if you don't socialize enough and go out with friends, you're not going to do it with a partner. She also thinks that no relationship can be successful if you mostly like talk about a special interest. Although, I've had friends that I socialized with and included me before, despite me having AS. I don't see why a girlfriend wouldn't do the same thing.



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27 Nov 2011, 2:45 am

I was talking to a guy for a year and a half on OKCupid. We got along really well and had enough in common. We really seemed to be enjoying each other's company. After I hadn't heard from him in a while I checked my inbox to see if he sent me a message that OKCupid didn't tell me about. His profile was deleted and now I'm sad. In his last message he had just told me that he was there to listen to me even if he didn't have a lot to say (I was having trouble with work), and then he just disappeared. I'm mad at him for lying to me. I have heard of people having their account deleted by someone else somehow, but OKCupid doesn't care enough to do anything. Still, it's just as easy as making another profile and looking up the person you were talking to before.



The_Face_of_Boo
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27 Nov 2011, 6:42 am

Yeah, I 'met' at least three who deleted their profiles.

One of them was a week ago, she was chatting me and she was whining something like "okc is so fake, I am thinking of deleting my account" , and she did.

Btw, jono, what happened with that girl from the other city?



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27 Nov 2011, 12:15 pm

I actually met my current boyfriend on OKCupid. We only had two or three lengthy exchanges on OKC chat before exchanging email addresses and communicating that way so deleted accounts weren't an issue. We've been in a long-distance relationship for about five months now and things seem to be going well.

I couldn't find anyone on OKC who lived near me; my boyfriend and I live about 300 miles apart so we can't see eachother very often. He has AS and it was after meeting him that I started reading up on it and began wondering if I have it myself. In regards to special interests, I do have a tendency to annoy him by going on about squirrels too much but we communicate about those sorts of things and so it works. In a lot of ways our temperaments are very similar and so we're able to relate to eachother though at the same time our mutual tendency toward anxiety can be hard on both of us. Still, it's nice to feel understood.

I found that most of the people who messaged me on OKC were the creeper types who go after women many years their junior. I found that being aggressive in sending messages to people who interested me seemed to work better than waiting for compatible people to contact me. Part of that is just me though, since I'm kind of turned off by guys who are really forward in their initial message, saying that they will do whatever it takes to "get me" or something like that. Sort of sends a chill down my spine. Then there was that guy who messaged me and went on and on about my eyes and asked me what my favorite color of crayon was. And the guy who tried to convince me that all guys on OKC were just looking for sex and would play mind games until they got it.



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27 Nov 2011, 12:38 pm

That always happens with dating sites, you talk to people then they either disappear or blow you off. Dating sites are nothing but competition. Once a girl thinks she found someone better, she'll never speak to the other guy (or guys) again.


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27 Nov 2011, 12:50 pm

You might as well go to a bar or club. You'll get treated the same way there, but at least you'll get some potential action out of the deal.



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27 Nov 2011, 12:55 pm

Jono wrote:
biostructure wrote:
I am in a way lucky to have quite a few people in my area, and while there are times when I feel like I've seen all the profiles of the ones I'd be interested in, then next thing I know a bunch more people have joined. The discouraging thing for me is that I don't feel I have much of a sense of who would be compatible with me, beyond the percentage score that OKCupid itself gives. Also is the concern that no woman would be interested in me at my current level of interpersonal development--or rather no woman who lives nearby and whom I can find.


What do you mean by interpersonal development? The reason why I'm asking is that I had an argument with my mom about this yesterday. She thinks that if you don't socialize enough and go out with friends, you're not going to do it with a partner. She also thinks that no relationship can be successful if you mostly like talk about a special interest. Although, I've had friends that I socialized with and included me before, despite me having AS. I don't see why a girlfriend wouldn't do the same thing.


I don't have friends/go out, and sometimes all I do is talk politics with my boyfriend. :lol:


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27 Nov 2011, 5:36 pm

MarigoldConstance wrote:
I was talking to a guy for a year and a half on OKCupid. We got along really well and had enough in common. We really seemed to be enjoying each other's company. After I hadn't heard from him in a while I checked my inbox to see if he sent me a message that OKCupid didn't tell me about. His profile was deleted and now I'm sad. In his last message he had just told me that he was there to listen to me even if he didn't have a lot to say (I was having trouble with work), and then he just disappeared. I'm mad at him for lying to me. I have heard of people having their account deleted by someone else somehow, but OKCupid doesn't care enough to do anything. Still, it's just as easy as making another profile and looking up the person you were talking to before.


Now why did you have to necro this thread? No one has posted in it since February.



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27 Nov 2011, 5:40 pm

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5-5jx7dAQE[/youtube]



Jono
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27 Nov 2011, 5:51 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Yeah, I 'met' at least three who deleted their profiles.

One of them was a week ago, she was chatting me and she was whining something like "okc is so fake, I am thinking of deleting my account" , and she did.

Btw, jono, what happened with that girl from the other city?


Check the dates, Boo. Nothing really happened to her. This thread is actually from before I met her.

Regardless, she decided to break up with me last night, admitting that due to a change in circumstances, our relationship can't continue to work like it was. It seems like neither of us wanted to split though and she said that she still wants to keep in touch with me. I might post more details on that later in another thread because there's some stuff I want to ask about.



The_Face_of_Boo
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27 Nov 2011, 6:37 pm

Jono wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Yeah, I 'met' at least three who deleted their profiles.

One of them was a week ago, she was chatting me and she was whining something like "okc is so fake, I am thinking of deleting my account" , and she did.

Btw, jono, what happened with that girl from the other city?


Check the dates, Boo. Nothing really happened to her. This thread is actually from before I met her.

Regardless, she decided to break up with me last night, admitting that due to a change in circumstances, our relationship can't continue to work like it was. It seems like neither of us wanted to split though and she said that she still wants to keep in touch with me. I might post more details on that later in another thread because there's some stuff I want to ask about.


Sorry, I didn't notice the dates.



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27 Nov 2011, 7:03 pm

Jono wrote:
I've posted this in my other thread, but I notice nobodies replying to it anymore. I've got a question. I've been corresponding with a girl on OKCupid for three weeks now, since new years day. Now as I was writing my last reply to her, I got a message saying she had just logged in. Then I tried sending the message, at which point I got error saying "your message could not be sent because an unknown error occurred". So I copied my message into a text editor so that I could paste it and send it again after checking if I was still logged in. I was but it seemed she had just deleted her profile. Later I found that the version of her profile just before she had deleted it, was still open in the web browser when I had checked it earlier to see when she was last on-line. When I looked at it more closely, I found that she had changed her settings from looking for short-term/long-term dating to just looking for new friends. I don't know when she had changed it because I can't remember when last I looked at that but it did say she was looking for someone to date when I first started chatting to her. It's as though she changed her mind about wanting to date someone and then deleted her profile when she realised I was hoping to meet her with the intent of dating.

Has this happened to anyone else here?


You are analyzing it far too much, the best thing you can do is treat it as a learning experience and move on. Treat every experience as a learning experience, don't take it personally or make any personal or emotional attachments unless she shows direct indicators of interest and you have both decided to engage in an intimate relationship.

The trouble is that people on the spectrum aren't so great at reading indicators of interest so you are probably better off scrapping the dating websites and approaching women in real life, you'll get a more direct response.