I'm attracted to guys who probably wouldn't like me back...?

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LittleSwallow
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26 Aug 2011, 4:37 pm

but pursued by guys who i have no attraction to, no matter how much I try to fancy them.

I mean the guys I fancy would usually be the good-looking, confident, smart ones who are also nice too, but they wouldn't be the type of guys who would text a lot of girls hoping to get one of them to shift them (Irish slang for making out) or creepy in anyway.

But unfortunately that's the type I seem to attract. Im 18, and I have made out with 5 guys and I did not fancy any of them, but I felt like I had to be with them coz no one else would have me, because of me being quiet and "weird" to people. They were all either creepy, pervy, stupid (one guy drinks a lot when he is out, and i think he has lost some brain cells, coz he gave out his number on facebook for everyone to see. Idiot.), and just wanted to be with me coz they were horny and bored. I then I get messages and texts off these guys who are clearly not right in the head, because I keep ignoring them, but they still try to contact you, wanting to have dirty talk with you. And all of them were ugly, so they had nothing at all going for them. :/


I just hate it, because my other friends get so much better looking guys who are not creepy in anyway on night out to shift, while I get the ugly creeps.

And my little sister shifts more guys then I do, and all of them are really good-looking. On facebook she gets all these hot guys adding her and chatting to her.

It was such a slap to the face when i added these good-looking guys I see around on nites out who my friends would know, so out of boredom, i added them for a laugh, but it was such a slap in the face when I discovered that these same guys added my little sister as well, even though they would never have seen her before on nites out, cox we go to different places. You see she is really good-looking as well.


I know they say looks arent everything, but when you want to make-out with someone and have nothing serious, a personality doesnt really help.

So what should I do? Should I just go and ask them if they want to be with me or not? Im jsut tired these creeps, but i dont want to look desperate by going up to a guy who is clearly out of my league because of my AS. I dunno people say Im pretty as well, so I how come I dont get the guys I want?

I know this makes me sound like a slut, but there are worse i know out there, so please dont give out to me.



Wayne
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26 Aug 2011, 4:47 pm

If you're 18 and not looking for anything serious, you might have some luck with older good-looking guys. Unless you're seriously unhealthy, you're very likely to blow any girl their age out of the water looks-wise.

Other than that... take care of yourself physically (if you want good looking guys, they're going to want good looking girls), be interesting (if you don't like your own company, why would other people?), observe people as much as you can, and keep at it until good things happen.



AsteroidNap
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26 Aug 2011, 5:09 pm

LittleSwallow wrote:
I know this makes me sound like a slut, but there are worse i know out there, so please dont give out to me.


What you need, I think, is to build confidence. And you're being boxed in by the negative connotations of 'slut'. I hate the way this word is used to confine and limit perfectly natural sexual desire. To that point, I'd hazard a guess that your friends, and sister, don't give a damn if they're seen as 'sluts' or not. From your description, it sounds as though they're embracing, or owning, their sexuality. Am I wrong?

If all you're looking for is making out (shifting?) and such, then you'll have to unlearn and not care about this whole 'slut' labeling. Examine perhaps how you might have been sexually repressed? If you're Irish and thus Catholic, I can imagine a lot of pressure and guilt around sexuality.


hmmm, on that note, I have another thought, but don't know enough about Irish Catholic culture to really speak to it.



Last edited by AsteroidNap on 26 Aug 2011, 6:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Jory
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26 Aug 2011, 5:31 pm

Quote:
I'm attracted to guys who probably wouldn't like me back...? but pursued by guys who i have no attraction to, no matter how much I try to fancy them.


Yeah, welcome to my world. Did your plane just land?



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26 Aug 2011, 6:00 pm

LittleSwallow wrote:
I'm attracted to guys who probably wouldn't like me back ... but pursued by guys who i have no attraction to, no matter how much I try to fancy them.

That seems common with both Aspies and Enties - people want something they don't have, and don't want what they do have. It seems that most children are like that. I don't know how often I've seen a kid beg his or her parents for that "special" toy, only to completely forget about it a week after they unwrap it. I've seen it less often in older people, although it does seem that many couples can't stand to be apart right up to the wedding, but once the honeymoon is over, they start growing apart.


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Grisha
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26 Aug 2011, 6:33 pm

Jory wrote:
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I'm attracted to guys who probably wouldn't like me back...? but pursued by guys who i have no attraction to, no matter how much I try to fancy them.


Yeah, welcome to my world. Did your plane just land?


Reverse genders and you'd be talking about me too.

I think everyone is like this to a certain extent.

The suggestions I've heard here sound pretty good, remember guys in general are very visual so do not neglect your appearance.

I'm sorry to report, but that's probably the most important factor with the guys you're after.



rasol
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27 Aug 2011, 11:13 am

I am in the same situation with the opposite sex as the thread starter described, except that I'm a male and not a female. The TS sounds like a reverse version of me.



LittleSwallow
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27 Aug 2011, 12:15 pm

AsteroidNap wrote:
LittleSwallow wrote:
I know this makes me sound like a slut, but there are worse i know out there, so please dont give out to me.


What you need, I think, is to build confidence. And you're being boxed in by the negative connotations of 'slut'. I hate the way this word is used to confine and limit perfectly natural sexual desire. To that point, I'd hazard a guess that your friends, and sister, don't give a damn if they're seen as 'sluts' or not. From your description, it sounds as though they're embracing, or owning, their sexuality. Am I wrong?

If all you're looking for is making out (shifting?) and such, then you'll have to unlearn and not care about this whole 'slut' labeling. Examine perhaps how you might have been sexually repressed? If you're Irish and thus Catholic, I can imagine a lot of pressure and guilt around sexuality.


hmmm, on that note, I have another thought, but don't know enough about Irish Catholic culture to really speak to it.


Sure tell me anyway, I'm not a great practising Catholic to begin with anyway. :P



LittleSwallow
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27 Aug 2011, 12:17 pm

Jory wrote:
Quote:
I'm attracted to guys who probably wouldn't like me back...? but pursued by guys who i have no attraction to, no matter how much I try to fancy them.


Yeah, welcome to my world. Did your plane just land?


Yep, and really wish I can get a flight out. :/ :(



Paganpothead
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27 Aug 2011, 5:47 pm

LittleSwallow wrote:
Jory wrote:
Quote:
I'm attracted to guys who probably wouldn't like me back...? but pursued by guys who i have no attraction to, no matter how much I try to fancy them.


Yeah, welcome to my world. Did your plane just land?


Yep, and really wish I can get a flight out. :/ :(
doesn't sound half bad, get me a ticket too.



KWifler
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27 Aug 2011, 7:12 pm

Choose one:

1) If you aren't sending signals to the attractive people, then they may be overlooking you. Less attractive people have to take a chance and try to convince others that they are worth a relationship, whereas more attractive people tend to "click" and it may be difficult to get with them if you have difficulty with social cues. The easiest method is to glance over, make eye contact and smile frequently.

2) How are you getting with creeps in the first place while other girls are getting with attractive men? Also realize that most men have the same pervy, creepy and stupid ideas, regardless of their looks. By now, you probably have a reputation of accepting the less desirable types. Reject them right away and save yourself the disappointment.

3) I can't believe that you have been all across the country and have not found any attractive people who are interested in you. Don't take a plane just yet. Perhaps you just need a fresh start at some other venue.



LittleSwallow
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02 Sep 2011, 1:02 pm

Paganpothead wrote:
LittleSwallow wrote:
Jory wrote:
Quote:
I'm attracted to guys who probably wouldn't like me back...? but pursued by guys who i have no attraction to, no matter how much I try to fancy them.


Yeah, welcome to my world. Did your plane just land?


Yep, and really wish I can get a flight out. :/ :(
doesn't sound half bad, get me a ticket too.


Nice to hear I'm not the only one in this situation. :/



zen_mistress
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03 Sep 2011, 4:43 pm

My advice is to be patient. Get to know some guys, a whole range of them, as friends and dont worry about dating them. Sooner or later a good one will show up. And dont forget, there are plenty of good looking shy guys around. :)


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04 Sep 2011, 5:33 pm

LittleSwallow wrote:
but pursued by guys who i have no attraction to, no matter how much I try to fancy them.

I mean the guys I fancy would usually be the good-looking, confident, smart ones who are also nice too, but they wouldn't be the type of guys who would text a lot of girls hoping to get one of them to shift them (Irish slang for making out) or creepy in anyway.

But unfortunately that's the type I seem to attract. Im 18, and I have made out with 5 guys and I did not fancy any of them, but I felt like I had to be with them coz no one else would have me, because of me being quiet and "weird" to people. They were all either creepy, pervy, stupid (one guy drinks a lot when he is out, and i think he has lost some brain cells, coz he gave out his number on facebook for everyone to see. Idiot.), and just wanted to be with me coz they were horny and bored. I then I get messages and texts off these guys who are clearly not right in the head, because I keep ignoring them, but they still try to contact you, wanting to have dirty talk with you. And all of them were ugly, so they had nothing at all going for them. :/


I just hate it, because my other friends get so much better looking guys who are not creepy in anyway on night out to shift, while I get the ugly creeps.

And my little sister shifts more guys then I do, and all of them are really good-looking. On facebook she gets all these hot guys adding her and chatting to her.

It was such a slap to the face when i added these good-looking guys I see around on nites out who my friends would know, so out of boredom, i added them for a laugh, but it was such a slap in the face when I discovered that these same guys added my little sister as well, even though they would never have seen her before on nites out, cox we go to different places. You see she is really good-looking as well.


I know they say looks arent everything, but when you want to make-out with someone and have nothing serious, a personality doesnt really help.

So what should I do? Should I just go and ask them if they want to be with me or not? Im jsut tired these creeps, but i dont want to look desperate by going up to a guy who is clearly out of my league because of my AS. I dunno people say Im pretty as well, so I how come I dont get the guys I want?

I know this makes me sound like a slut, but there are worse i know out there, so please dont give out to me.


Zen Mistress gave some good advice.
I would also like to add that you shouldn't be so obsessed over getting 'good looking' guys like our modern culture tries to brainwash us to do.You're pretty young,so I'm sure you're still under a lot of that pressure.I remember how it was back then too.

But Beauty really is only skin deep,and a persons looks will eventually fade.If you want a real long term relationship and not just a fling you should just find a guy that you share great chemistry with and not worry so much about his looks.Think about it....you think the guy will still be hunky at 60 if you married an adonis for his looks?If he doesn't have a good personality to go with the face you're up the creek without a paddle.



Zinnel
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05 Sep 2011, 5:08 am

to be honest i hav no problem with the way the women who are attracted to me look its their personalitys i cant stand


as for ur attracting people who ur attracted to one is to greet them, and act like u know they allready like u, it will give u the confidence u need to "in the case of a female attracting a male" act submissive to them, kinda redundant yes but this same advise has worked for alot of my female friends



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05 Sep 2011, 2:32 pm

Jory wrote:
Quote:
I'm attracted to guys who probably wouldn't like me back...? but pursued by guys who i have no attraction to, no matter how much I try to fancy them.


Yeah, welcome to my world. Did your plane just land?


Story of my life. I think it is a barrier I put up to never have to deal with people. I do the same with friends, just like mean people that I know are going to end up being horrible and validating all my screwed up perceptions of people.
Hmmm. I am going to stop doing this, leads to nothing.

But well, about being attracted to guys you that wont like you back... I have found the really attractive guys are really mean and full of themselves anyways, so aren't really worth all that trouble. All the attention they get makes them horrid. :D Well not all, but many. Maybe you should just try and get to know the ones that do like you, and after knowing them better who knows what will happens. Looks are overrated and fade quickly anyways...


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