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MetalAspie
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21 Oct 2011, 1:14 am

Yes, "the cool guy" who's always posting about how to get with NT ladies has his own insecurities.

I'm currently seeing this girl. An extremely cute blonde chick. We're not official but I've slept in her dorm a couple times and been on a few dates.

My problem now is that I'm finding myself worrying about stupid s**t when I haven't seen her for a while. Like I wonder if she's mad at me, even if theres nothing for her to be mad at me for. Or I'll think she's off flirting with other guys, but she hangs out with a lot of them. But it's the same group of guys I hang out with, and they know I like her so I don't feel like they'd go with it if she was flirting with them. But then again, she probably isn't flirting with them at all and I'm probably just worrying about stupid s**t.

Yeah....



fallen_angel
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21 Oct 2011, 2:21 am

It's sweet when the 'cool guy' isn't really so cool and shows feelings.
But yeah I know what you mean. If you like someone everyone gets insecure but those worries are often irrational and ungrounded. I sometimes feel this way with online friends. When they don't respond after some days I think I have hurt them unintentionally or they pull away. Usually it isn't that way but still - I suppose we just think too much about the things we fear instead to rely on ourselves and the tie we build up with people.
People who are meant for each other in friendship or a romantic relationship won't tear apart, not by distance nor by days without talking/writing each other.
Try to keep your mind cool but not your heart and try not to worry too much : )



Wolfheart
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21 Oct 2011, 4:20 am

MetalAspie wrote:
My problem now is that I'm finding myself worrying about stupid sh** when I haven't seen her for a while. Like I wonder if she's mad at me, even if theres nothing for her to be mad at me for. Or I'll think she's off flirting with other guys, but she hangs out with a lot of them. But it's the same group of guys I hang out with, and they know I like her so I don't feel like they'd go with it if she was flirting with them. But then again, she probably isn't flirting with them at all and I'm probably just worrying about stupid sh**.

Yeah....


I was like this with an ex once and it ruined the relationship. Assume she likes you and you're the only guy she wants to be with and no other guy compares, assume it so much that you start to believe it. If you become insecure or show insecurity, it will lower your attraction value and you'll come off as needy and insecure. A guy that is desirable and has women after him doesn't worry if he will lose her, never ever show her that you're afraid to lose her. No matter how much you feel insecure inside, never ever allow yourself to become dependent on a girl. The main thing is to keep her on her toes in the first few months and build attraction.



DeanAdamFry
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21 Oct 2011, 10:43 am

Like what Wolfheart said, you have to put yourself in a position where you don't care either way if you get her or not, personally I know a few women who are interested in me but I keep them at arms length because they would only disturb my college work.

You can't put yourself in a mindset that she is the only one, there are millions of women out there and you shouldn't drop anchor on her, you got to be willing to leave at any time and not show you care, you got to be yourself at all times and show fake confidence when you feel insecure, she's only chatting to these blokes after all but even if they are your friends don't ever fall into a sense that you can trust your MALE friends to stay away from her, trust me on this don't do so but be cool about her hanging round with them and only get a little suspicious if she is hanging out with one male often (likely chances of this is she has an "interest" in him as well).

Overall if you keep your cool and be a laugh even when its you and her other male friends then it shows off that you don't care and it will make her attracted to you even more but keep an eye and ear out on those males though, chances are they are going to throw some "flirts" in to test the waters but it depends on what she is like and what she does when she is "interested", you have to keep an eye on what made you think she was attracted to you in the first place and if she is showing those signs to the other men.



karenina
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21 Oct 2011, 5:44 pm

Just remember that if she has known these guys for any length of time they'll have had a chance to show an interest in her if they have one, and she'll have had the chance to decide if she's remotely interested in them.

Apparently she's decided that for now she'd rather be with you. You've just got to trust her on that.

(from the viewpoint of a girl with *lots* of guy friends and an awesomely relaxed boyfriend)



Lilya
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22 Oct 2011, 5:51 pm

Wolfheart wrote:
MetalAspie wrote:
My problem now is that I'm finding myself worrying about stupid sh** when I haven't seen her for a while. Like I wonder if she's mad at me, even if theres nothing for her to be mad at me for. Or I'll think she's off flirting with other guys, but she hangs out with a lot of them. But it's the same group of guys I hang out with, and they know I like her so I don't feel like they'd go with it if she was flirting with them. But then again, she probably isn't flirting with them at all and I'm probably just worrying about stupid sh**.

Yeah....


I was like this with an ex once and it ruined the relationship. Assume she likes you and you're the only guy she wants to be with and no other guy compares, assume it so much that you start to believe it. If you become insecure or show insecurity, it will lower your attraction value and you'll come off as needy and insecure. A guy that is desirable and has women after him doesn't worry if he will lose her, never ever show her that you're afraid to lose her. No matter how much you feel insecure inside, never ever allow yourself to become dependent on a girl. The main thing is to keep her on her toes in the first few months and build attraction.


Very PUA talk Wolfheart... I disagree. If you don't point out to her that you have feelings for her, there's nothing at all stopping her from flirting with other guys or dating them. Don't get paranoid, but if she is your match, don't ignore her.


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It's not the sinful, but the stupid who are our shame - Oscar Wilde


Wolfheart
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23 Oct 2011, 5:14 am

Lilya wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
MetalAspie wrote:
My problem now is that I'm finding myself worrying about stupid sh** when I haven't seen her for a while. Like I wonder if she's mad at me, even if theres nothing for her to be mad at me for. Or I'll think she's off flirting with other guys, but she hangs out with a lot of them. But it's the same group of guys I hang out with, and they know I like her so I don't feel like they'd go with it if she was flirting with them. But then again, she probably isn't flirting with them at all and I'm probably just worrying about stupid sh**.

Yeah....


I was like this with an ex once and it ruined the relationship. Assume she likes you and you're the only guy she wants to be with and no other guy compares, assume it so much that you start to believe it. If you become insecure or show insecurity, it will lower your attraction value and you'll come off as needy and insecure. A guy that is desirable and has women after him doesn't worry if he will lose her, never ever show her that you're afraid to lose her. No matter how much you feel insecure inside, never ever allow yourself to become dependent on a girl. The main thing is to keep her on her toes in the first few months and build attraction.


Very PUA talk Wolfheart... I disagree. If you don't point out to her that you have feelings for her, there's nothing at all stopping her from flirting with other guys or dating them. Don't get paranoid, but if she is your match, don't ignore her.


Yes but you can do that without turning into an insecure desperate emotional mess. If you become too clingy or needy, it will ruin your chances. Neediness is far from attractive, can you picture a time when a bum begged you a little too aggressively for money and made you feel uncomfortable? When you beg, or give off the vibe of neediness, you instantly lower your value, You’re basically saying “I need you to approve of me, please, please, please”. In the first few months, women like to kept on their toes, the reality is that people like a challenge, men and women.



Grisha
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23 Oct 2011, 9:15 am

Wolfheart wrote:
Lilya wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
MetalAspie wrote:
My problem now is that I'm finding myself worrying about stupid sh** when I haven't seen her for a while. Like I wonder if she's mad at me, even if theres nothing for her to be mad at me for. Or I'll think she's off flirting with other guys, but she hangs out with a lot of them. But it's the same group of guys I hang out with, and they know I like her so I don't feel like they'd go with it if she was flirting with them. But then again, she probably isn't flirting with them at all and I'm probably just worrying about stupid sh**.

Yeah....


I was like this with an ex once and it ruined the relationship. Assume she likes you and you're the only guy she wants to be with and no other guy compares, assume it so much that you start to believe it. If you become insecure or show insecurity, it will lower your attraction value and you'll come off as needy and insecure. A guy that is desirable and has women after him doesn't worry if he will lose her, never ever show her that you're afraid to lose her. No matter how much you feel insecure inside, never ever allow yourself to become dependent on a girl. The main thing is to keep her on her toes in the first few months and build attraction.


Very PUA talk Wolfheart... I disagree. If you don't point out to her that you have feelings for her, there's nothing at all stopping her from flirting with other guys or dating them. Don't get paranoid, but if she is your match, don't ignore her.


Yes but you can do that without turning into an insecure desperate emotional mess. If you become too clingy or needy, it will ruin your chances. Neediness is far from attractive, can you picture a time when a bum begged you a little too aggressively for money and made you feel uncomfortable? When you beg, or give off the vibe of neediness, you instantly lower your value, You’re basically saying “I need you to approve of me, please, please, please”. In the first few months, women like to kept on their toes, the reality is that people like a challenge, men and women.


I absolutely agree with you about the absolute necessity of not appearing "needy" but the almost total indifference that seems to be suggested by the PUA literature seems a bit extreme to me as well.

The PUA approach seems to treat establishing relationships as being very much like defusing a bomb: one false move and it blows up in your face. Even the literature acknowledges that this happens frequently with this approach and guides you to avoid the condition on "one-ism" as a countermeasure.

I feel that if a relationship is that volatile to begin with, it ought to be a huge red flag, unless of course a single sexual session is your only objective...