Success?
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt175858.html
I worked up the courage to ask out the guy I've been crushing on for the last few months. Horror.
The guy: Aspie.
Me: Notsomuch.
He agreed. Relief.
We met at a place down the street from where he works, and started out the same as usual: he rattled on about his special interest until I had an oppurtunity to break in and remind him (I think gently) that I already know pretty much everything he's telling me, and that this is in fact a date, and I'd like to talk a little more about him. Panic.
He didn't seem to know the difference between talking about himself, and talking about herpatology, which was kind of adorable. I ended up asking him a few questions, which he answered like a man being interrogated for homicide. He didn't ask any questions in return. Awkward, awkward silence.
So I changed the subject back to snakes. Relief.
...and he started talking about his life. And mine. And hinting around about getting together to do something the following weekend, which I picked up and totally ran with. Hallelujah!
I had kind of an awesome time, which I wasn't expecting. Really, I thought it would take a while for him to warm up and relax (a while as in weeks, maybe months). I also didn't really expect myself to be able to be blunt enough to express my intentions. I wasn't even sure I had it in me to ask him out- but I did, and yayz! Yayz!
Ran into him the following day. This was such a random thing. In all the time I've known him I've never once run into him, I've only ever caught him at his work. So there I am, and here is he, walking towards me, and... nothing. He doesn't see me, so as we're about to pass each other I reach out and touch his shoulder and say his name and he looks TERRIFIED. Confusion.
He pulls away (I realize I probably shouldn't have touched him. I've touched him before, but in a gentler setting, when we were already in close proximity). He looks away. He slows down to a rolling stop, mumbles hello and goodbye, and goes along his way, leaving me Mystified.
This is really wonderful!! ! I wouldn't read too much into the interaction of the last two paragraphs, it's just how some of us are when we encounter unplanned-for, on-the-spot socialization. As he gets to know you, you'll enter his "pattern buffer", most likely. {he'll feel more comfortable around you, as you infiltrate his senses/routine}
My god, I suck at the written word.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,886
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
I worked up the courage to ask out the guy I've been crushing on for the last few months. Horror.
The guy: Aspie.
Me: Notsomuch.
He agreed. Relief.
We met at a place down the street from where he works, and started out the same as usual: he rattled on about his special interest until I had an oppurtunity to break in and remind him (I think gently) that I already know pretty much everything he's telling me, and that this is in fact a date, and I'd like to talk a little more about him. Panic.
He didn't seem to know the difference between talking about himself, and talking about herpatology, which was kind of adorable. I ended up asking him a few questions, which he answered like a man being interrogated for homicide. He didn't ask any questions in return. Awkward, awkward silence.
So I changed the subject back to snakes. Relief.
...and he started talking about his life. And mine. And hinting around about getting together to do something the following weekend, which I picked up and totally ran with. Hallelujah!
I had kind of an awesome time, which I wasn't expecting. Really, I thought it would take a while for him to warm up and relax (a while as in weeks, maybe months). I also didn't really expect myself to be able to be blunt enough to express my intentions. I wasn't even sure I had it in me to ask him out- but I did, and yayz! Yayz!
Ran into him the following day. This was such a random thing. In all the time I've known him I've never once run into him, I've only ever caught him at his work. So there I am, and here is he, walking towards me, and... nothing. He doesn't see me, so as we're about to pass each other I reach out and touch his shoulder and say his name and he looks TERRIFIED. Confusion.
He pulls away (I realize I probably shouldn't have touched him. I've touched him before, but in a gentler setting, when we were already in close proximity). He looks away. He slows down to a rolling stop, mumbles hello and goodbye, and goes along his way, leaving me Mystified.
Wait, you mean he rambled on about his specialist interest, was all uptight about being touched, and was in general a totally awkward turtle-and it didn't turn you off completely? Has everything the internet has taught me about women been a lie?
_________________
Let's find that exit they call paradise...
CMaximus
Deinonychus
Joined: 3 Nov 2007
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 387
Location: Calgary, AB, Canada, Earth
It's extremely unlikely he already has a gf, if you think about it.
Frankly, I never know when it's time to begin doing things around someone like greeting them cheerfully every time I see them: I don't naturally know if it's too much or too little, and hearing your subsequent confusion from this guy's perhaps similar blind spot illuminates some of my own mistakes. (Thanks)
Keep it up, he sounds awkward and unsure of how to proceed if he's anything like me, but it sounds like he likes spending time with you.
curlyfry
Veteran
Joined: 13 Jun 2010
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,502
Location: Latitude : 45.373. Longitude : -84.955
He had the courtesy to say Hello and Goodbye, I think you can relax.
I would not see anyone either unless they were right in my face because I have such tunnel vision. I would have probably jumped if someone laid a hand on me. Maybe wave first in his line of sight and then say his name.
I second this, "surprises" this early on are difficult to cope with, especially if you really like someone...
diniesaur
Veteran
Joined: 2 Sep 2011
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 758
Location: in the Ministry of Silly Walks
Good job! I think he likes you, although don't be so sure if he's hinting at something because he might just seem like it. Don't worry about your random running into him; just don't touch him again without him knowing. Be patient.
Also, if it's a date, please tell him it's a date so he knows. If it's not a date, tell him it's not a date. Unless he's a lot higher functioning than I am, which doesn't seem to be the case from your descriptioin, this will relieve him of a lot fo anxiety.
Also, if it's a date, please tell him it's a date so he knows. If it's not a date, tell him it's not a date. Unless he's a lot higher functioning than I am, which doesn't seem to be the case from your descriptioin, this will relieve him of a lot fo anxiety.
Thanks for the feedback. When I said he seemed to be hinting at getting together this weekend, it was because he mentioned something he wanted to see this weekend, and then asked me if I had plans. I said no, but I'd be interested in seeing (same thing) and from there, we made plans to go together. I'm a little concerned at this point, because I asked him to call or text within a few days, and he hasn't. This was last Saturday, and it's now Thursday night. We were to get together tomorrow.
Question: if he doesn't call by tomorrow morning, should I call/text him? Or would that be seen as pushy? I've never been in this position before. That's not to say I've never been blown off, but normally I can assume I'm being blown off if that's how it feels.
As far as the touching goes, he never had an aversion to touch, before. I can understand how I might have taken him off guard, but we were practically on top of each other when I reached out. If I'd tried to wave at him at that point I would have hit him, anyway lol. I'll be more careful in the future. Supposing there is a future
Do you think that the unexpected run-in could have completely spooked him off? I don't understand this. At all.
Also, if it's a date, please tell him it's a date so he knows. If it's not a date, tell him it's not a date. Unless he's a lot higher functioning than I am, which doesn't seem to be the case from your descriptioin, this will relieve him of a lot fo anxiety.
Thanks for the feedback. When I said he seemed to be hinting at getting together this weekend, it was because he mentioned something he wanted to see this weekend, and then asked me if I had plans. I said no, but I'd be interested in seeing (same thing) and from there, we made plans to go together. I'm a little concerned at this point, because I asked him to call or text within a few days, and he hasn't. This was last Saturday, and it's now Thursday night. We were to get together tomorrow.
Question: if he doesn't call by tomorrow morning, should I call/text him? Or would that be seen as pushy? I've never been in this position before. That's not to say I've never been blown off, but normally I can assume I'm being blown off if that's how it feels.
As far as the touching goes, he never had an aversion to touch, before. I can understand how I might have taken him off guard, but we were practically on top of each other when I reached out. If I'd tried to wave at him at that point I would have hit him, anyway lol. I'll be more careful in the future. Supposing there is a future
Do you think that the unexpected run-in could have completely spooked him off? I don't understand this. At all.
Personally, I think you may be reading too much into his failure to text. Remember that he has difficulty seeing things from your point of view and may not have the slightest idea he is "supposed" to text you. Texting him at the point at which it is logical to coordinate your weekend would probably be just fine, although I suspect that he will contact you at or by that point.
diniesaur
Veteran
Joined: 2 Sep 2011
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 758
Location: in the Ministry of Silly Walks
Also, if it's a date, please tell him it's a date so he knows. If it's not a date, tell him it's not a date. Unless he's a lot higher functioning than I am, which doesn't seem to be the case from your descriptioin, this will relieve him of a lot fo anxiety.
Thanks for the feedback. When I said he seemed to be hinting at getting together this weekend, it was because he mentioned something he wanted to see this weekend, and then asked me if I had plans. I said no, but I'd be interested in seeing (same thing) and from there, we made plans to go together. I'm a little concerned at this point, because I asked him to call or text within a few days, and he hasn't. This was last Saturday, and it's now Thursday night. We were to get together tomorrow.
Question: if he doesn't call by tomorrow morning, should I call/text him? Or would that be seen as pushy? I've never been in this position before. That's not to say I've never been blown off, but normally I can assume I'm being blown off if that's how it feels.
As far as the touching goes, he never had an aversion to touch, before. I can understand how I might have taken him off guard, but we were practically on top of each other when I reached out. If I'd tried to wave at him at that point I would have hit him, anyway lol. I'll be more careful in the future. Supposing there is a future
Do you think that the unexpected run-in could have completely spooked him off? I don't understand this. At all.
Personally, I think you may be reading too much into his failure to text. Remember that he has difficulty seeing things from your point of view and may not have the slightest idea he is "supposed" to text you. Texting him at the point at which it is logical to coordinate your weekend would probably be just fine, although I suspect that he will contact you at or by that point.
Exactly. You need to call him so you can set up plans. If he doesn't answer, you can text or email asking if he still wants to come tomorrow. I don't think he'll think you're pushy, and even if he does, it might not bother him.
curlyfry
Veteran
Joined: 13 Jun 2010
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,502
Location: Latitude : 45.373. Longitude : -84.955
spongy
Veteran
Joined: 17 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,055
Location: Patiently waiting for the seventh wave
Glad to see that you finally gathered the courage to ask him out and things went quite well.
Hope you have fun at your next day and he starts feeling more comfortable around you/asking you questions about yourself and not focusing so much on herpetology.
_________________
Please take the time to answer this quick survey to help improve the community
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt255139.html