Truth about Asperger marriage failure rates?

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Sagroth
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17 Jan 2012, 1:20 am

Unfortunately, there aren't many(if any) viable long-term studies on the matter. What there is is a prevalence of negative anecdotes online and elsewhere, which may go a long way towards coloring perceptions.

With that said, I'm a diagnosed Aspie, my wife might be on the spectrum(at the very least she has a confirmed diagnosis of ADHD and BPD), and we've been living together for 8 years, and married for three(this month). Our relationship is the happiest(and most secure) part of both of our lives at the moment.

So bad odds or no, for me the chance was worth it.


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hyperlexian
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17 Jan 2012, 1:45 am

The-Raven wrote:
As someone with a psychology degree I would recommend not basing your worries/prospects on study results and instead just trying your best at relationships. No one can know whether they are in the 80% or the 20% so the results are meaningless, after all you have managed to have a condition that only 1% of people have so something happening to the majority makes no difference really. You dont want to do the 'self fulfilling prophecy' thing.

mom77 wrote:
It would also be interesting to see statistics of aspie-aspie marriages

the statistics are 30% end in murder lol
LOL and the rest of it is wise advice. well said, The-Raven.

i was in a very long-term relationship (married 16 years, together 20) and it has now ended. we are (truly) best friends and i would never go back and change things because they brought me to where i am now. it was a beautiful experience and it worked for us at the time, but it no longer works for us now.

i don't totally understand why a "failed" relationship is really such a big deal to some people... it doesn't have to be the end of the world - if you still like/respect each other at the end then it's grand, and if you don't like/respect each other anymore then be glad you got out. :shrug:


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Jono
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17 Jan 2012, 2:28 am

JCJC777 wrote:
I've seen various internet references to marriages in which one partner is Asperger having high failure rates. These seem to derive from this source: "Preliminary research performed in Holland suggests that the divorce rate for couples in which one partner has AS may be as high as 80%.” from "a Relate leaflet", in p42 of 'Asperger Syndrome and Long-Term Relationships', by Ashley Stanford.

However I suspect this may have been a pretty thin study. Has anyone seen any harder information?

Then we'd have a better idea about the challenge we face....

Thanks


There simply isn't any research available that conclusively shows that aspies are much more likely to get divorced than the average. In fact, there has hardly been any research on the subject at all. The 80% figure comes from a Dutch study that I think lacked a control group, although Maxine Aston has quoted and propagated that figure millions of times over.



OddFinn
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17 Jan 2012, 3:25 am

Only 50 % of my marriages have failed.


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Wolfheart
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17 Jan 2012, 4:12 am

I agree, broken marriages and relationships can be productive but it takes a certain mindset to see the silver lining. If you think of dating as a process to filter out what you are truly looking for and take everything as trial and error, you will have a better outlook on marriage and dating.

I think a good rule to go by is to only marry someone once you have lived with them for 5 or 10 years.



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17 Jan 2012, 8:29 am

I wonder if people with AS are more likely to rush into marriage due to the difficulty they have in forming relationships.



nick007
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17 Jan 2012, 8:36 am

xmh wrote:
I wonder if people with AS are more likely to rush into marriage due to the difficulty they have in forming relationships.

I think we'd be less likely to rush into it due to a history of previous relationships problems & tendency to get overwhelmed & withdraw; we'd be more cautious


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17 Jan 2012, 1:01 pm

TheygoMew wrote:
The majority of marriages end in divorce. This isn't about aspergers.
This is misleading, because 49% of all marriages involve a remarriage for one or both spouses.

More encouraging, and accurate, is the statistic that 81% of college graduates, over 26 years of age, who wed in the 1980s, were still married 20 years later.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce#United_States



The_Face_of_Boo
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17 Jan 2012, 4:08 pm

The truth is, for me at least:

most of you WP members are doing (or at least did even once in the past, most of you have exes!) better than me in that field, so i am not sure how true those stats you're talking about.

I might be of the 1% , and it's not the same 1% you're talking about; it's the opposite.



Sagroth
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18 Jan 2012, 1:24 am

It bears mentioning also that the 17th was my wife and I's 8th year anniversary of getting together(and 3rd year of being common law married).


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munch15a
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18 Jan 2012, 10:34 pm

yeah a few things I would like to see some have been said already

is the success rate better when the person was diagnosed

this would help as answer the question of should i say


is the marriage rate high among undiagnosed or diagnosed

i foresee a situation were you are more likely to get married undiagnosed but its more long lasting if you have been


what is the divorce rate compered to other disorders and compered to the mean population

how long did the marriage list

are they more successful for AS to AS marriage

what happened to the two parenters after the divorce did they remarry and such



xmh
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19 Jan 2012, 3:03 am

nick007 wrote:
xmh wrote:
I wonder if people with AS are more likely to rush into marriage due to the difficulty they have in forming relationships.

I think we'd be less likely to rush into it due to a history of previous relationships problems & tendency to get overwhelmed & withdraw; we'd be more cautious


My thinking was that people with AS have difficulty forming relationships, so if they get into one that seems to be working they may rush into marriage in an attempt to cement the relationship.



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19 Jan 2012, 8:31 am

hyperlexian wrote:
\i don't totally understand why a "failed" relationship is really such a big deal to some people... it doesn't have to be the end of the world - if you still like/respect each other at the end then it's grand, and if you don't like/respect each other anymore then be glad you got out. :shrug:


It's a big deal because a failed relationship means i failed. Also, I won't know if i'd ever be able to find anyone else...



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19 Jan 2012, 8:55 am

i get what you mean, ToS, but i guess my goal wasn't to maintain a brick and mortar institution that would endure even if it became non-functioning. as long as the worke for us and fulfilled our needs, we maintained it, but once it became unfixable it became time to tear it down for a new building or an empty lot or whatever. dismantling it doesn't necessarily equal failure unless you were determined to keep it intact no matter how unfunctional it was. and love isn't a guarantee for anyone


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ToadOfSteel
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19 Jan 2012, 9:01 am

Would you rather live in a drafty, run-down house with no heating, or be homeless? As bad as the former is, its still way better than the alternative of the dark cold lifelessness that being alone is.



hyperlexian
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19 Jan 2012, 9:38 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Would you rather live in a drafty, run-down house with no heating, or be homeless? As bad as the former is, its still way better than the alternative of the dark cold lifelessness that being alone is.

homeless, absolutely. the run-down house is colder than you can imagine, and possibly full of vermin and squatters.


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