Why don't more women make the first move?

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Daemonic-Jackal
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29 Feb 2012, 8:08 am

In the UK at least February 29th is the one occasion out of every four years when supposed courtship cliches become reversed. It is seen as socially acceptable where women can propose to their boyfriends & girls can ask out guys without being scrutinised.

But surely this should be an option every day instead of once in 1461 days.

So why don't more women make the first move? Especially those who regularly claim there are no decent guys out there but continuously reject every offer they receive (i.e basically assuming anyone who shows interest isn't good enough for them and then they wonder why they're constantly single) surely they would be doing themselves a favour by pursuing the men that they actually do like? It should be remembered men are not mind readers, we can't always tell if somebody likes us.

Or to look at it from another angle if Lesbian women can manage to make the first move on those they like, then why can't heterosexual women do the same?

Afterall this is the 21st century, we're suppose to be living in a much more liberal and equal society, traditional gender roles being reversed should not been seen as an issue anymore and if all things are meant to equal then surely it isn't fair that it should always be the guy who has to be making all of the effort.

Discuss.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Feb 2012, 8:12 am

So they can keep the upper hand in the dating game.

They don't need to do it.



smudge
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29 Feb 2012, 8:29 am

Men prefer to chase, whether they realise it or not. They get scared when a woman makes a move. Ask Alternative - he's my latest victim. But, he came to his senses in the end. 8)



rabbittss
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29 Feb 2012, 8:35 am

smudge wrote:
Men prefer to chase, whether they realise it or not. They get scared when a woman makes a move. Ask Alternative - he's my latest victim. But, he came to his senses in the end. 8)


No I don't. I like it when girls actually take the effort to express their interest in me. It doesn't mean I'd be interested back, but it's a nice ego boost when it happens..



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29 Feb 2012, 8:49 am

Simple. Society changes but to put it simply, there is too much choice now.
It's like you need the qualifications for a relationship nowadays.


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mv
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29 Feb 2012, 9:01 am

I have made men recoil when I was forward or assertive. It could be a generational thing, though (I'm in my 40's).



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29 Feb 2012, 9:11 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
So they can keep the upper hand in the dating game.

They don't need to do it.


This, its the sad reality. Plus i bet it feels much nicer to have people come to you than to be at the mercy of someone.



Erisad
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29 Feb 2012, 9:22 am

I've asked men out and it's rarely went over well. Maybe it's because I'm a fat girl and men don't want to be approached by girls like me. My current bf approached me first and that worked for us. :)



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29 Feb 2012, 9:26 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
So they can keep the upper hand in the dating game.

They don't need to do it.


Both of these are on target.



smudge
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29 Feb 2012, 9:27 am

MXH wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
So they can keep the upper hand in the dating game.

They don't need to do it.


This, its the sad reality. Plus i bet it feels much nicer to have people come to you than to be at the mercy of someone.


No way. If a woman likes a man, she wouldn't just leave it up to him to do the asking out.

Rabbitts: It may be an ego boost, but it still puts men off when they're asked out. They end up expressing a disinterest in you, because the chase is over for them. This has happened lots to me and other women I've spoken to. In my experience, a man will hint at me madly that he likes me, and this can happen for some time. Then when I make a move - he's immediately disinterested. It's about people wanting what they can't have.



MXH
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29 Feb 2012, 9:29 am

smudge wrote:
MXH wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
So they can keep the upper hand in the dating game.

They don't need to do it.


This, its the sad reality. Plus i bet it feels much nicer to have people come to you than to be at the mercy of someone.


No way. If a woman likes a man, she wouldn't just leave it up to him to do the asking out.

Rabbitts: It may be an ego boost, but it still puts men off when they're asked out. They end up expressing a disinterest in you, because the chase is over for them. This has happened lots to me and other women I've spoken to. In my experience, a man will hint at me madly that he likes me, and this can happen for some time. Then when I make a move - he's immediately disinterested. It's about people wanting what they can't have.


Exactly, women should try and approach guys. Theres the rare few that try it once in their lives but if it were more mainstream I think it would actually make women more societal equals to men.



rabbittss
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29 Feb 2012, 9:35 am

smudge wrote:
MXH wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
So they can keep the upper hand in the dating game.

They don't need to do it.


This, its the sad reality. Plus i bet it feels much nicer to have people come to you than to be at the mercy of someone.


No way. If a woman likes a man, she wouldn't just leave it up to him to do the asking out.

Rabbitts: It may be an ego boost, but it still puts men off when they're asked out. They end up expressing a disinterest in you, because the chase is over for them. This has happened lots to me and other women I've spoken to. In my experience, a man will hint at me madly that he likes me, and this can happen for some time. Then when I make a move - he's immediately disinterested. It's about people wanting what they can't have.


The only thing keeping me from going out with the girls who have hit on me or asked me out, is that I don't find them attractive physically, and don't know them. so I can't comment on their personalities. Personally I find Online dating Ideal. It's lets you know something about the person before you actually meet them in person. like a job application. It helps me guage how much of a chance we actually have. So far it's not worked out at all.

I think I just hit on one of my major problems. I want to know the person's personality BEFORE I can think of them as dating material, but in the process of learning about them, I get overlooked as dating material.



Daemonic-Jackal
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29 Feb 2012, 9:42 am

smudge wrote:
MXH wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
So they can keep the upper hand in the dating game.

They don't need to do it.


This, its the sad reality. Plus i bet it feels much nicer to have people come to you than to be at the mercy of someone.


No way. If a woman likes a man, she wouldn't just leave it up to him to do the asking out.

Rabbitts: It may be an ego boost, but it still puts men off when they're asked out. They end up expressing a disinterest in you, because the chase is over for them. This has happened lots to me and other women I've spoken to. In my experience, a man will hint at me madly that he likes me, and this can happen for some time. Then when I make a move - he's immediately disinterested. It's about people wanting what they can't have.


Think you're confusing the term wouldn't with shouldn't. I've had plenty of female friends come to me asking for advice along the lines of "I really this like guy but I can't ask him out because it's not the normal thing or (insert other excuse here)"

Also that happens the other way around as well, some women will happily lead a guy up the wrong path then as soon as he asks them out gets turned down without any second thoughts. Luckily speaking from my own experience here I managed to learn to see through that trick very early on, so thats saved me from a lot of hassle over the years.

Also you speak about people wanting what they can't have, maybe that's why some women won't give guys (and vice versa) who aren't scared of commitment and actually want a relationship a chance, because there's no challenge or chase for them.


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Last edited by Daemonic-Jackal on 29 Feb 2012, 10:04 am, edited 4 times in total.

rabbittss
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29 Feb 2012, 9:47 am

Daemonic-Jackal wrote:

Also you speak about people wanting what they can't have, maybe that's why some women won't give guys who aren't scared of commitment and actually want a relationship a chance, because there's no challenge or chase for them.


That was always my feeling. They don't want guys that are like that already, They want the ones they can bring around to their point of view.. and it rarely works out. I mean sure, maybe you can create a committed family man out of the loser drummer for a local rock band.. who washes dishes at his uncles restaurant to make cash for pot.. but I wouldn't care to put a wager on it..



smudge
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29 Feb 2012, 10:09 am

Daemonic-Jackal wrote:
Think you're confusing the term wouldn't with shouldn't. I've had plenty of female friends come to me asking for the advice along the lines of "I really this guy but I can't ask him out because it's not the normal thing or (insert other excuse here)


Nope, I meant wouldn't. Well, I guess unless we did a massive survey then we're never going to know what the majority does, and then again, people lie.

Daemonic-Jackal wrote:
Also that happens the other way around as well, some women will happily lead a guy up the wrong path then as soon as he asks them out gets turned down without any second thoughts. Luckily speaking from my own experience here I managed to learn to see through that trick very early on, so thats saved me from a lot of hassle over the years.


Hmm, I'm not so sure about this one. A lot of men confuse friendly signals as flirtatious, and that's probably why that happens. There's this thing with both sexes about only having same-sex friends as well, and if a man and woman are together alone, then it's assumed it's just because they're attracted to each other. I really wish people were more open to opposite-sex friendships.

Also, I've noticed that men only tend to show a friendly interest to women they're attracted to, even if the man or woman are taken. I've made male friends, only for them to stop talking to me after I've shown a disinterest in them romantically. It hurts me too, and that's why I tell guys repeatedly that I'm not interested in them as more than friends. I'm paranoid about it, and although it's sexist, it makes me resent men a bit, as a whole.

Daemonic-Jackal wrote:
Also you speak about people wanting what they can't have, maybe that's why some women won't give guys who aren't scared of commitment and actually want a relationship a chance, because there's no challenge or chase for them.


Exactly, for both sexes.



Daemonic-Jackal
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29 Feb 2012, 10:20 am

smudge wrote:

Hmm, I'm not so sure about this one. A lot of men confuse friendly signals as flirtatious, and that's probably why that happens. There's this thing with both sexes about only having same-sex friends as well, and if a man and woman are together alone, then it's assumed it's just because they're attracted to each other. I really wish people were more open to opposite-sex friendships.

I've made male friends, only for them to stop talking to me after I've shown a disinterest in them romantically. It hurts me too, and that's why I tell guys repeatedly that I'm not interested in them as more than friends. I'm paranoid about it, and although it's sexist, it makes me resent men a bit, as a whole.


And a lot of men will also read flirtatious singles as nothing more then friendly banter/behaviour which was my original point in the thread opener stating that we aren't mind readers. I'm not saying you're wrong, infact I know there is some truth in what you are saying, but what I'm getting at is that 'signal senders' aren't the way forward especially in this day and age seeing ah how they can be so easily mis-read, which is I why I think women should show a bit more courage when it comes to pursuing someone.

I've also had female friends stop talking to me after I've told them that I like someone else (not realising at the time that female friend like me because they never said anything) so again that's something that works both ways.


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