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goldfish21
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26 Dec 2013, 11:06 pm

anna-banana wrote:
MXH wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
it can definitely work to sign up for eHarmony. but if you hav money to burn you may be better off getting a few therapy sessions to learn to build up some confidence. that will give you results that you can use online AND in real life.


I've been going to therapy for a couple years now. It's hard for me to make progress because I still can't see any distinction between confidence and arrogance...

because there is no difference. Confidence is made up term to talk of someone that has that cocky arrogance about himself.


lol. no.


cosigned; lol. no.

Confidence is knowing and believing in yourself, your abilities, capabilities & positive attributes, and naturally and intuitively thinking, feeling, and acting in ways that convey that you know & believe these things to be very real and very true.

Arrogance is having all of the above confidence with the added trait of believing that these traits make you superior to others and others inferior to you, and not in merely a technical sense, but in an unbecoming rude way that's rather unattractive and unappealing compared to the charisma of true confidence.


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Venger
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27 Dec 2013, 2:18 am

goldfish21 wrote:

Arrogance is having all of the above confidence with the added trait of believing that these traits make you superior to others and others inferior to you, and not in merely a technical sense, but in an unbecoming rude way that's rather unattractive and unappealing compared to the charisma of true confidence.


This sounds more like "overconfidence", and acting arrogant is often a trait that comes with it.



goldfish21
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27 Dec 2013, 2:32 am

Venger wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:

Arrogance is having all of the above confidence with the added trait of believing that these traits make you superior to others and others inferior to you, and not in merely a technical sense, but in an unbecoming rude way that's rather unattractive and unappealing compared to the charisma of true confidence.


This sounds more like "overconfidence", and acting arrogant is often a trait that comes with it.


I would say overconfidence is more like believing you're far better at something than you are and then ending up screwing up because of it.. ie overconfidently believing you can carry a heavy load, then dropping the whole thing and making a mess. That's a result of overconfidence, but it doesn't have the same tones of believing you're better than others because of your belief you can lift the load as being arrogant would.

At this point we're sort of splitting hairs, though.


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Venger
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27 Dec 2013, 2:47 am

One common example of someone being "overconfident" is a semi-ugly or average-looking guy that makes a lot of money. The ugly guy gets laid sometimes mainly cause he's rich, so he starts perceiving himself as being really good-looking even though he isn't.

I suspect this is extremely common among not-so-good-looking guys with great jobs. lol



goldfish21
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27 Dec 2013, 2:56 am

Venger wrote:
One common example of someone being "overconfident" is a semi-ugly or average-looking guy that makes a lot of money. The ugly guy gets laid sometimes mainly cause he's rich, so he starts perceiving himself as being really good-looking even though he isn't.


..I don't think ugly people are so deluded as to truly believe that money makes them more physically attractive. However, the attention they get from their money may make them feel good enough to feel confident in their looks even if they aren't the best looking person. I can see that happening, for sure.. but I can't imagine looking in the mirror and thinking I'm ugly, then stuffing my wallet with cash, looking in the mirror again and feeling better looking. That's some sorta nuts, imo. lol


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27 Dec 2013, 3:08 am

goldfish21 wrote:
but I can't imagine looking in the mirror and thinking I'm ugly, then stuffing my wallet with cash, looking in the mirror again and feeling better looking. That's some sorta nuts, imo. lol


Na, I'm sure it takes some brainwashing over a period of months before said ugly rich-guy starts thinking he's a "hunk" or whatever. lol



goldfish21
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27 Dec 2013, 3:47 am

Venger wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
but I can't imagine looking in the mirror and thinking I'm ugly, then stuffing my wallet with cash, looking in the mirror again and feeling better looking. That's some sorta nuts, imo. lol


Na, I'm sure it takes some brainwashing over a period of months before said ugly rich-guy starts thinking he's a "hunk" or whatever. lol


Even then.. I can't imagine someone being so gullible as to convince themselves that it's their looks that have improved and made them more attractive and not the large amount of money they've acquired.

Reminds me of the fat gross looking bikers with sexy young girls hanging all over them in the bars. The chances of these girls actually being physically attracted to these guys is extremely slim. They just hang around for the drinks, drugs, gifts and other things a lot of money can buy. It becomes even more obvious whenever one of these bikers falls on hard times and doesn't have stacks of cash in his pocket... as all of the sudden he doesn't have cute young girls hanging all over him anymore. These guys can't be as deluded to honestly believe they're sexually attractive to these girls and that it's anything more than the money that gets them the girls they attract. If they do, they are some kind of nuts.


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27 Dec 2013, 4:52 am

goldfish21 wrote:

These guys can't be as deluded to honestly believe they're sexually attractive to these girls and that it's anything more than the money that gets them the girls they attract. If they do, they are some kind of nuts.


Okay I'd agree with that. The really ugly ones are probably sociopaths(ASPD) a lot of the time. (Narcissistic personality disorder often coexists with ASPD)

The overconfident line-of-thinking I described is probably much more prevalent among plain average-looking NT guys with :money: :money: :money:



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27 Dec 2013, 5:04 am

eharmony in my opinion is horse manure.



buffinator
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27 Dec 2013, 10:53 am

goldfish21 wrote:
Venger wrote:
One common example of someone being "overconfident" is a semi-ugly or average-looking guy that makes a lot of money. The ugly guy gets laid sometimes mainly cause he's rich, so he starts perceiving himself as being really good-looking even though he isn't.


..I don't think ugly people are so deluded as to truly believe that money makes them more physically attractive. However, the attention they get from their money may make them feel good enough to feel confident in their looks even if they aren't the best looking person. I can see that happening, for sure.. but I can't imagine looking in the mirror and thinking I'm ugly, then stuffing my wallet with cash, looking in the mirror again and feeling better looking. That's some sorta nuts, imo. lol


The fallacy of this logic is not viewing confidence as the desirable trait, rather than the result of a desirable trait. Confidence will get you just as far as looks or money even if you don't have anything to back it up. The difference between confidence and arrogance is not material, the difference is in how you are perceived. It is completely subjective.


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27 Dec 2013, 2:04 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
Venger wrote:
One common example of someone being "overconfident" is a semi-ugly or average-looking guy that makes a lot of money. The ugly guy gets laid sometimes mainly cause he's rich, so he starts perceiving himself as being really good-looking even though he isn't.


..I don't think ugly people are so deluded as to truly believe that money makes them more physically attractive. However, the attention they get from their money may make them feel good enough to feel confident in their looks even if they aren't the best looking person. I can see that happening, for sure.. but I can't imagine looking in the mirror and thinking I'm ugly, then stuffing my wallet with cash, looking in the mirror again and feeling better looking. That's some sorta nuts, imo. lol


Newt Gingrich.

Granted, he did enlist a number of prostitutes, but a lot of women willingly had affairs with him. The man is a human pile of mashed potatoes, and has looked that way forever.



goldfish21
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27 Dec 2013, 2:51 pm

buffinator wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
Venger wrote:
One common example of someone being "overconfident" is a semi-ugly or average-looking guy that makes a lot of money. The ugly guy gets laid sometimes mainly cause he's rich, so he starts perceiving himself as being really good-looking even though he isn't.


..I don't think ugly people are so deluded as to truly believe that money makes them more physically attractive. However, the attention they get from their money may make them feel good enough to feel confident in their looks even if they aren't the best looking person. I can see that happening, for sure.. but I can't imagine looking in the mirror and thinking I'm ugly, then stuffing my wallet with cash, looking in the mirror again and feeling better looking. That's some sorta nuts, imo. lol


The fallacy of this logic is not viewing confidence as the desirable trait, rather than the result of a desirable trait. Confidence will get you just as far as looks or money even if you don't have anything to back it up. The difference between confidence and arrogance is not material, the difference is in how you are perceived. It is completely subjective.


Nah, there are definitely words and actions that make people cross the line from confidence to arrogance. For example, many celebrities are confident - but Kanye west is arrogant.


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Eureka13
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27 Dec 2013, 3:12 pm

I always get a good laugh at the online dating profiles of men who are substantially overweight in their photos, ugly as a donkey's ass, and yet claim in their profile to be "fit and good-looking." Now that's what *I* call arrogance.



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27 Dec 2013, 8:44 pm

Here's what I do: I have free accounts on several dating sites including Zoosk and Gk2gk.com

If I find someone on the sites who use their real name and the city they're located, I look them up on Facebook, and send them a Friend request, offering to chat and get to know them.

My coworkers actually credit me for that, mentioning on the dating sites people will lie thru their teeth; you find out who they really are on Facebook. Hell, one of the girls that looked me up on Zoosk recently...has been in a relationship since September.

Glad I dodged that bullet.

The rest haven't responded, and all I'm trying to do is chat with them.

So, feel free to give that a try; worst case scenario, you're in my position, and they won't even talk to you.

If that's the case, there was probably no future with them to begin with.

If you really have to go out of your way for it, it probably isn't meant to be; that's the way I see it anyway.



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27 Dec 2013, 8:51 pm

I'm really bad at the whole online dating thing. I get so confused when talking to thse people, and they do to. They cant even remember who I am a lot of the time. I try to have a conversation and this one person completely forgot what I had said before. This other girl asked for more pics and after I sent them didnt respond to texts for a week, which I interpreted as "not good enough." and today I get texts from her??? WTF I already deleted all my info about you. Between that and getting stood up (for prepaid dates even) I'm starting to lose my cool with online dating.

And then theres even having these conversations. Getting someone to reply is hard enough but once I have them talking I have absolutely no idea what to say.


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BlackImage
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28 Dec 2013, 7:13 am

I used eharmony a year ago. its was a waste of my money and time. I met a guy from gk2gk over 2 years ago, still friends with him. Met a guy off oasis, still friends.
Met one guy from star trek passions lead to nothing cos he was over sensitive in me saying humor and personality is why i didn't want a relationship with him and cos i said 'humor and personality' he thought i didn't like him as a friend. I felt he was mad cos he got 'friend-zoned'. I've talked to my mum about him, my mum thinks it wouldn't worked out.