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metalab
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26 Mar 2012, 3:18 pm

I'm sure theres been so many threads like these, but heres mine, and me seeking advice for me personally.

I am really borderline aspie or atypical autism. When I was a teenager it was much more obvious, even up to the age of 21 or 22, it was sitll very apparent I was not neurologically normal. But I am now 26 and the for the past 3-4 years I have really PUSHED myself hard and broken myself down, hard, in order to recondition into myself more neurotypical instincts, and to reboot the portions of my brain that autistic tendencies left dormant.

I feel I have completely reconnected the portion of my mind that can sense empathy and accurately percieve body language, even though I don't know what exactly to do with all those perceptions. I can now very easily carry on a conversation with someone for hours, no problem, in a way that they would never ever guess I was on the autism spectrum disorder. I have forced myself to withstand and adapt to overstimulation, I can look people in the eye for extended periods of time. My heart rate and flight or fight response no longer goes through the roof as much when I am placed in overly stimulating situations. I can relate more to human empathy and sense it more now, even though I don't always know how to react to it.

Most people who meet me now, I don't think I register to them as 'austistic' so much anymore, maybe just overtly obsessed with computers in a way that makes me a little quirky.

So in terms of having friends, making friends, having a proffesional life, being able to make social connections for business and just for new friends. I am doing quite good, in this regard I would almost say I am fairly socially fluent now.

However romantic dating is a completely other beast, as I am sure you know, and I just cannot figure out what combination of things or how to interact in certain ways will make me desirable.

I believe I am actually very good looking, so looks I don't believe are any issue in it. Women do actually express interest in me all the time, but when it gets to interacting with them, I freak them out, or it becomes very apparent to them quickly that something weird is going on with me. Which you know how sensitive most girls are to that type of thing, the slightest little oddity throws up a huge red flag for most of them. In groups of friends where I have girls who are just friends, they do see me as a bit weird and crazy. My intense interests lay in computers, computer graphics, mathematics, modern philsophy and ancient esoteric traditions. I assume you can probably guess how that went for me for a while, I have concocted probably the craziest theories and thoughts that anyone knows, and for a while would attempt to excitedly explain these to people.

When meeting girls now in a romantic sense I have strictly forbidden myself from talking about technology, philosophy or anything esoteric at the begining. Which leaves me attempting to do this thing where you try to be 'fun', and you try to sort of, as I read on some websites that have dating tips "try to invoke emotions of playing in a playground in kindergarten". But the thing is, in kindergarten, on the playground, I would sneak back in the corner in isolation and stack rocks or dig holes. I am missing an entire portion of normal childhood 'play' in my neurology. So I don't know if I can invoke standard 'fun' emotions of play, my sense of fun is different than others.

I can actually be very humorous to people who know me, but my sense of humor is odd and very literal. People who don't know me well often tell me that they cannot tell when I am joking. Which leaves me having to add alot of disclaimers "I am just joking", or people leaving actually believing I am genuinely insane.

This is really starting to depress me. It seems that my years of hard work developing myself socially to survive in the proffesional business world and just to make new friends (mostly guy friends) is still nothing compared to how far I will have to go to develop enough socially to interact romantically.

I've had a girlfriend before, that lasted 1.5 years, and she left saying we lacked passion and I was boring. Really now looking back I can tell she only was with me because she liked the way I look and I was her ideal physical type. Numerous times she would tell me that I am lucky I am so good looking, and thats the only reason she stays. But really she didn't like me, she didn't like the fact I spent so much time on the computer, she didn't like the fact I'd rather dig into deep meditative conversations rather than engage is silly banter about things. She didn't like how intensely analytical I was of everything, or that I liked to be very formulaic in everything. She wanted that "fun" aspect, go out for a night, run around crazy, not care or think about anything. Which seems most girls want? But I can't really do, and I never really developed that ability because I genuinely enjoy being intelligent more than being stupid. Which that isn't to sound condescending, I don't say that meaning intelligence is better than being stupid, and that people who enjoy being stupid are actually stupid. I completely understand the desire to just want to mindlessly run around for a night talking about nonsense and having 'fun', but my mind will keep getting caught and sucked into analytical and philsophical and mathematical modes of thought. Disallowing me to just 'flow' with 'fun'. All I really wanted to do on nights of 'fun' was just stay inside with her and have both of us draw, or paint, or make art of some kind.

I don't know what to do with this anymore. I'm starting to lose hope in dating sites, and it really depresses me to think I may be into my 30's before I develop the proper social skill to fit in with women romantically.

I've heard of aspie dating sites but I am incredibly hesitant to go to those because I am so borderline on the autism scale now. I think I actually appear more neurotypical than aspie now to most people, and someone who is really really aspie might not suit me well... But I don't know.

Has anyone else gone through feelings like these?



Last edited by metalab on 26 Mar 2012, 3:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

CrazyStarlightRedux
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26 Mar 2012, 3:27 pm

Hey there, good for you for managing your quirks in social situations!

I went the opposite route, mainly due to someone messing my mind up with his sick little jokes...but I have adapted my life to cope with what happened.

Anyway, it depends on how you approach them, whether you smile when approaching or just a thunder stricken face etc.

I would never say that your interests scare off woman....but that would bore them if you don't know when to stop. Woman do like an interesting man...but you have to spread that interest out.

I hope that this helps.


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