DW_a_mom wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
If you personally don't put much stock in physical appearance that's fine, express your personal opinion, but you don't get to speak for all women.
And didn't I already put that qualifier in there? I did not say ALL.
But given that I've known at least a few thousand women over my lifetime and had just as many conversations with other women about men, I do think I've got a pretty idea as to what MOST think.
Just read this thread: most of the comments are NOT about innate physical features, and you will note I ALSO limited my comment to the types of things men are BORN with, because I know that MOST women, as far as I can tell, DO care about things like grooming.
Also ... I chose the words "do not pick by" on purpose, because it isn't like most women don't notice physical features or have some preferences, but I think it is important for the men who read this thread to understand the difference: most women don't PICK based on those; it is the other stuff that is USUALLY the deal maker or breaker.
1000 is nowhere near most of the 3635000000 women there are in the world. You don't get to speak for all, most, or even many, just you.
Look at the thread about female appearance there are a lot of non-physical things mentioned there too. People like all kinds of things about their partners, if anyone was really exclusively interested in looks they'd get a real doll and be done with it.
Don't get all defensive and start riding the caps lock because I pointed out you overstepped. I'm not attacking you personally, I'm trying to be helpful so you don't make assertions that are impossible to back up or just aren't true.
If you replace "most women" with "me" or even "many women I know seem too" you would be more right.
And you are forgetting the context in which I originally posted: to someone being snarky and who probably started this thread for dubious reasons.
But, honestly, I'm puzzled. I've never seen a woman defend so strongly what I've always seen as a male myth that most women are superficial in selecting who to date. And I don't think most women are that superficial. I'll stand by it. You are correcting me for claiming that most women aren't so superficial as to place huge amounts of significance on innate physical appearance in choosing who to date, which means you take issue with the concept ... and I don't get it.
Still ....
Here is my edit to the first post, and I've already made it: "In my experience ...."
(ps - I had meant to say a "few" thousand, which is actually a statistically relevant sample, although it will skew due to my age and social circles.)
I did see that you were responding to snark, but for the standards of that poster it was relatively harmless and goofy. I suspect he started this thread to undercut criticism of the female thread but since the mods seem to be cool with both of them I'm not going to get into that argument with the originator of either thread.
I see it as more misogynistic to deny women their individuality and speak of them in group terms.
Not to mention that the idea that women aren't interested in aesthetics is a defense MRA's use when they try to claim that men are only attracted to hot women and hot women should be content with someone who is nice enough regardless of what they look like. It's the line of thinking that women shouldn't be just as interested in looks as men are that leads to women who express their standards or reject men they find physically unattractive (well within their rights) to being labeled superficial. Some people care about looks, physical attraction can be important to sexual relationships regardless of gender.
Don't put words in my mouth I'm correcting you for making a claim that *most* women are *anything* based on only your personal experience. That kind of statement is inherently false no matter what you are asserting.
I comment any time I see these kinds of generalizations (likely to the annoyance of many regular posters here), so again it's not about you or what you said, it's how you said it.
I appreciate that you made an edit.
I appreciate you taking the time to explain your feelings on this. I always try to be sensitive to the variety of experiences and preferences (I wrote the guidelines at the top of this forum, after all), but norms and perception do evolve, and what I assume is something positive may not always appear that way to a different group. Basically, the trap I ended up in here.