what are asperger men problem

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LoriB
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07 Dec 2012, 6:55 am

WantToHaveALife wrote:
because men are expected to do the approaching, initiating, asking out, so any form of a social deficiency is going to hurt men more than women in this area o
f life

Though it may not completely level the playing field it is one reason on line dating is a great place for someone who behaves socially I a way that may confuse women. Though I firmly believe AS... At least on the low end... Is not a deficiency. This frustrates me. Why is "not the same" a deficiency, negative, bad, wrong?? It is a shame to me that those of you who have so much difficulty with embracing your traits and loving them were not brought up being told how great they are. I was always able to see the great parts of my son whrn he was growing up.. and although there are things about some behaviors that were frustrating as a parent there are no more frustraiting behaviors from him than there are with his NT sister. Just in different areas. He would ask me as a young child. "Mom, am I different/weird/strange" my answer... With a huge smile and hug was always yes... and that is what I love most about you. Just be who you are and be happy with that. You don't have to be like everyone else to be happy or to be a good person. He has all the Aspie traits. He is socially uncomfortable. He has a girlfriend and two other close friends and they are all inseparable and just click together. But he still gets social anxiety when he knows they are all getting together. He wants to do it but the thought overwhelms him and we work on how he deals with it. People are drawn to him and he still does and says things that NT wouldn't and sometimes people say something to him about it. He really doesnt care. He accepts himself. Honestly that is all it takes weather you are AS or NT..

As for who decides. It is not one person or the other. Women are just as insecure in the start of a relationship and have just as many fears of rejection as a man does. You can chose not to believe it but it doesn't change the facts. I am a woman and I know how I felt in dating situations. I know all the conversations I have had with girlfriends when they start dating a new guy and hoping he will call or ask her out again and not reject her. In all those situations 100% of those girls would say the decision was his not hers. It does become difficult for an AS to "read" that her not calling is her waiting for him to call and not a rejection etc.. but a relationship is always a mutual decision not a choice by one gender or the other.

BlueMax. What is the title of your new thread? I have not been able to get on as much because things got hectic around here (busy not relationship hectic) but I always love your posts.



spongy
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07 Dec 2012, 7:10 am

WantToHaveALife wrote:
because men are expected to do the approaching, initiating, asking out, so any form of a social deficiency is going to hurt men more than women in this area of life


Is there anyone pointing a gun at you telling you to approach women/ask them out?

I havent asked anyone out properly in my entire life(scared of possible replies...) yet I kept waiting and eventually somebody came along, we hit it off and she asked me out.

Will this happen to every male?
I dont know but I can tell you that if you are this bitter about approaching females none of them are going to go out with you(been there, girls avoided me even at buses and whatnot)



WantToHaveALife
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22 Feb 2013, 12:23 pm

spongy wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
because men are expected to do the approaching, initiating, asking out, so any form of a social deficiency is going to hurt men more than women in this area of life


Is there anyone pointing a gun at you telling you to approach women/ask them out?

I havent asked anyone out properly in my entire life(scared of possible replies...) yet I kept waiting and eventually somebody came along, we hit it off and she asked me out.

Will this happen to every male?
I dont know but I can tell you that if you are this bitter about approaching females none of them are going to go out with you(been there, girls avoided me even at buses and whatnot)


no, obviously us guys are not forced to do it, but if we guys want a girlfriend, we can't be passive about this because almost all girls are old-fashioned and feel it is the guys job to take action and make the first move, approach, start conversation and ask out, as in it is very extremely hardcore rare for a girl to be the initiator and do the asking out, pursuing, etc.



Yuugiri
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22 Feb 2013, 3:44 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
because almost all girls are old-fashioned and feel it is the guys job to take action and make the first move, approach, start conversation and ask out

Source?


_________________
Averages
AS: 138.8
NT : 54.6


The_Face_of_Boo
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22 Feb 2013, 4:01 pm

DialAForAwesome wrote:
Boo is actually kind of a bad example, he was blessed with good looks right off the bat, so his chances are automatically higher than that of most other aspie men.

Although I do normally agree with you, aspiesandra. :)


I was not always blessed with good looks (so not right off the bat) and good physical characteristics.
I looked very unhealthy and ugly for almost my entire school life (under-weighted, extremely skinny as almost like a Somalian kid suffering famine), my teeth were very terribly unaligned beyond imagination, and as the white dog guy said, I am very short too.

Overall, I am not that good-looking.



The_Face_of_Boo
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22 Feb 2013, 4:07 pm

spongy wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
because men are expected to do the approaching, initiating, asking out, so any form of a social deficiency is going to hurt men more than women in this area of life


Is there anyone pointing a gun at you telling you to approach women/ask them out?

I havent asked anyone out properly in my entire life(scared of possible replies...) yet I kept waiting and eventually somebody came along, we hit it off and she asked me out.

Will this happen to every male?
I dont know but I can tell you that if you are this bitter about approaching females none of them are going to go out with you(been there, girls avoided me even at buses and whatnot)


um...are you two still dating? just curious.