what are asperger men problem

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''One thing that many people with OCD are frustrated by is difficulties in establishing and maintaining romantic relationships. Many people with OCD are single and those who are in a relationship or are married often report a significant amount of relationship stress.''

You notice how it's both gender that struggle. but when comes to asperger only men struggle in relationship at a higher odd. (not saying no asperger women does but men have it worst)

Yeah, it does actually. No decent girl wants a slob. It's not the only thing, but it's definitely important. It also helps if you exercise and take care of your body. When guys exercise, it shows initiative and perseverance. You also have to be considerate and respectful. You need to be attentive to the woman. Most women can easily tell when a guy is desperate and it's a huge turn-off. There are body language books out there that are really helpful. You have to memorize them and apply what you learned to real life.

well thank you for thinking Im a unique person. well, let put this way. If I find a cool lady and she awesome and nice and she likes me, sure I would date her, why not.

you know, If a woman does not like me, then that her problem, not mine. why I should I feel so bad about myself because some woman hates me.
I accept myself. I know that Im an eccentric. unique man, that just how I am. If a woman can't accept me, then I have really no care for her any ways.
Believe it or not, I don't view women as sex object. I talk to woman like they are human. That what I mean when i say I have a ''eccentric no care attitude'' around women. I love talking to women. I love how so many women are so uptight and takes thing so serious. I mean women need to ''have fun'',and just ''relax'' we can't all be cool, good looking alpha male.

when I notice a women. I see a friend, a human being, some one to talk to. But sadly because of my autism and the way my brain is, my subject matter really get women off. and that why I think women just should have fun and no worry about silly subject and view me and other asperger men as human being. Not as some dorky,beta male with lack of confidence.

A lot of guys, also don't want to make the effort. It's not a case of "me Tarzan, you Jane" anymore...It's all a little more sophisticated now. I read that women are better at mimicking successful people and their behaviours.

You realize you're proving his point, right? All women gotta do is exist.

Well my problem is that (I'm told) whenever I meet someone, even if I'm flirting, i'll come off as strictly friend material. Like girls who meet me think that I friend zoned them all the time, when in reality I could very easily have a massive crush on them, and I just don't know how to act "crushy" or do the whole "I'm implying that I like you" motion. Even when they actually try to pursue me, and I still act "friendy". Or I just don't notice. Or I don't care. But the real reason is I just come off as a friender.

Don't most aspie guys have the same problem?

but here the problem and what Im talking about on this thread. why is that women with severe ocd have a very hard time keeping a relationship.
but a women with asperger has better odds of staying in a relationship than an severe ocd women.
how is that all these ''eccentric'' asperger women are able to maintain a relationship and why men tolerated them so much (that not a bad thing)
but many men will dump a women with severe ocd.

Did all this and still nothing. Believe it or not, doing all these things isn't an automatic fix. It can certainly help but is not the end-all be-all that everyone claims it is.

It's just insulting saying that aspie men don't have it worse. So many aspie women have boyfriends, and yet there's so many guys, on this board alone, who haven't had anyone ever.

yeah. If I dress nice. and I do exercise and do all that stuff but at the end of the day. Im still that ''crazy eccentric'' autism man.
dress nice and exercisng is not going get alot of asperger men the ladies.
this is the point of my op. why do so many asperger men struggle to get into a relationship but yet so many asperger women can get into relationship with no problem. but yet both gender have the same set of problems. take an average looking asperger man who dress like s**t, he gets no date.
Find an average looking asperger women who dress like s**t, she's get a date.
find a women with ocd and she goes out with a man and three days later, he dumps her. Find a man with ocd and he goes out with a woman and three days later, she dumps him. Notice the pattern. Both gender with bad ocd struggle to keep a relationship. Many people with ocd (both gender) are single. If they do get into a relationship and keep it, it's very hard for them. Alot of stress, for both gender. Yet with asperger it totaly on women side on getting dates.

Uncertainty in social situations or feeling ill at ease on whether people know what to do with your differences creates something like standoffishness. Standoffishness coupled with shyness is almost guaranteed lockout.

think about how relationships start. someone has to start talking to the other person. problem is that in todays world men are still making most of that initial contact, and being an aspie means that we may not like doing it, or not very good at it, and it makes it tougher to start a typical relationship where you dont already know someone from your daily activities.

in the past month there were 3 girls i wanted to start a conversation with and hopefully end with something aiming toward a date, but nomatter how much thinking i do, i couldnt figure out how to steer a conversation into the direction i want, or make an initial comment, or do anything. so for all 3 cases, i basically didnt even try. and with 2 of them i was already talking with them, i just had to think of a nice way to get a number or something. but if a girl asked me out, my odd personality would just be interesting rather than creepy. thats why im all for equal rights for woman, i need them to take 50% of the effort in asking people out on dates.

I would attribute it to shyness or creepiness.

for one thing what is considered a problem in one gender isnt always considered a problem in the other gender. Shyness is considered a fault in males while being desireable or atleast acceptable in girls. Also men usually will f**k anything and care more about vaginas than personality. Aspergers often effects a person's ability to work and oftentimes men are the breadwinners. lastly, women do not have to overcome the hurdle of approaching perspective partners.
aspie men are a lot of times doomed. I do find it funny though that guys like me who have mild aspie score less than guys like aspie otaku who scored 193/200 on the aspie test tht player

I've narrowed it down to two factors.

1- Inability to small talk.

- This is a direct result of mirror neuron issues. Cannot read the other person's reaction in real-time nor detect emotional content in real-time...the result is a catastrophic failure in the flow of a conversation. Short-circuit is a more descriptive way of putting it.

2- Hard to fake interest just to keep things going.

- I guess this is the 'too honest for own good' thing. Even if the person does not small talk with you they do tend to share what they are excited about with you. Normally this is used as an entry point in a conversation to establish further bonds, etc. But.. in my case at least... even if I try, it comes out sounding REALLY fake and makes things worse. Damned if you do, damned if you dont.


These two things screw any kind of bond-establishing routes when meeting someone new. Usually it takes months if not years of someone hanging around me/ or me them ... for me to pick up their patterns and THEN be able to interact in a so-so fluid manner.

..unless of course its something that requires a task to be done. In those cases people are shocked off their shoes how easily I organize, communicate and take orders or give them when required.

I'll try to address the question posed by OP:

It comes down to this: The traits that AS tend to convey are generally much more damaging to a male's attractiveness than to a woman's attractiveness.

Let's take the shyness for example: Shyness is usually seen as far more tolerable in women than men, where it is essentially seen as nothing more than weak, and nothing turns off women more than a guy that seems weak.

For another example with the same trait, shyness is very damaging to a man's ability to initiate on a woman, whereas being shy isn't nearly as detrimental to a woman in that respect, because they generally initiate far less (And there's no shortage of men that will chase after them even if they give off absolutely no signals).

There you have it. Life sucks more for men with AS, but we have no choice but to just get over it.