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uwmonkdm
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17 Apr 2013, 7:25 pm

In my past relationships I've always had the problem of rushing things.
I've met this new girl, and spent the night at her house, we just cuddled and kissed. I really like this girl, she understands things about me I haven't been able to explain to anyone.. and we feel incredibly comfortable around each other.
As usual, making out can lead to hands wandering and kissing necks etc.. how do I make sure we take things slow? I think it's silly to play the game of "are we taking it slow enough?" all the time, so I just want to do it (taking it slow that is), not talk about it all the time.

I really, really, don't want to mess this up. She knows I'm going for an AS diagnosis appointment tomorrow, and she actually thinks my eccentricities are cute/funny. We live about an hour apart, so when we visit it's probably going to be overnight, that's probably a bad idea huh?

There are things about her and my experience meeting her that I can't even explain, she's like no other girl I've ever met, I really don't want to do something foolish :?



starkid
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17 Apr 2013, 7:31 pm

What is foolish about how fast you're going if you both want to do it?



uwmonkdm
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17 Apr 2013, 7:32 pm

starkid wrote:
What is foolish about how fast you're going if you both want to do it?


That's usually been my thinking, but in my own experience, my friends' experiences, and most 'research'.. rushing into things is a bad idea.



charlottez
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17 Apr 2013, 7:53 pm

I know you said you didn't want to talk about going slow, but I think if you show/tell her what you just posted, that she'd understand and appreciate it because she'd understand the value of it. If you just decide to go slow without saying anything and she spends overnights with you, she'll probably wonder why and might take it as rejection. Most women like to know that a man doesn't want to screw things up. Knowing that alone is very endearing.



MountainLaurel
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17 Apr 2013, 8:24 pm

Quote:
We live about an hour apart, so when we visit it's probably going to be overnight, that's probably a bad idea huh?

Yep. If you "just want to do it (taking it slow that is)" don't sleep in the same bed (or even the same room) or lay down together. It's also important to seriously limit making out, because as you know, making out is to sex; what a steep slope leading to a cliff is to a sphere. Keep the sphere on level ground and it will not likely roll off the cliff.

This can work pretty well if both parties are committed to taking it slow. If she is just agreeing with your words but insists on making out, you're going to...well...go fast in this relationship also.

Or you can be your own man and take control of your own decision by either getting a motel room for yourself when you visit her or drive home. Dude, I commuted to work 2 hrs both ways for 12 years (that's 4 hours travel/day; 5 days/week; 50 weeks/year). A one hour drive both ways is, honestly, not a big deal.

Quote:
in my own experience, my friends' experiences, and most 'research'.. rushing into things is a bad idea.

I second this, more than once I felt that, had I not rushed into sexual intimacy; I would have saved myself a lot of trouble. And I also experienced the reverse; my fiance and I did take it slow and had a great time together. Taking it slow allowed us to actually relate as two separate human beings and not just fall back on sex as our pass-time (sex is actually not an effective way to really get to know or understand someone; it tends to be a powerful distraction from getting to know each other.)

My fiance and I lived 1&1/4 hours apart (when traffic conditions were light).



Last edited by MountainLaurel on 17 Apr 2013, 8:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

uwmonkdm
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17 Apr 2013, 8:52 pm

MountainLaurel wrote:
Quote:
We live about an hour apart, so when we visit it's probably going to be overnight, that's probably a bad idea huh?

Yep. If you "just want to do it (taking it slow that is)" don't sleep in the same bed (or even the same room) or lay down together. It's also important to seriously limit making out, because as you know, making out is to sex; what a steep slope leading to a cliff is to a sphere. Keep the sphere on level ground and it will not likely roll off the cliff.

This can work pretty well if both parties are committed to taking it slow. If she is just agreeing with your words but insists on making out, you're going to...well...go fast in this relationship also.

Or you can be your own man and take control of your own decision by either getting a motel room for yourself when you visit her or drive home. Dude, I commuted to work 2 hrs both ways for 12 years (that's 4 hours travel/day; 5 days/week; 50 weeks/year). A one hour drive both ways is, honestly, not a big deal.

Quote:
in my own experience, my friends' experiences, and most 'research'.. rushing into things is a bad idea.

I second this, more than once I felt that, had I not rushed into sexual intimacy; I would have saved myself a lot of trouble. And I also experienced the reverse; my fiance and I did take it slow and had a great time together. Taking it slow allowed us to actually relate as two separate human beings and not just fall back on sex as our pass-time (sex is actually not an effective way to really get to know or understand someone; it tends to be a powerful distraction from getting to know each other.)


Thanks, great reply.. very helpful.