Page 1 of 1 [ 9 posts ] 

Butters
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jun 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 64

10 Jul 2012, 8:43 pm

My partner is Aspie, I'm NT.

Just recently he's cut back on his anti-depressants because of the negative side effects.
Something I'm okay with tho I worry how it effects him. He's been a little moody, which is normal, he's kinda having withdraw symptoms. Just recently my mom passed so I've been a little distant.
I've been doing okay with it. But with him going through the withdrawal he's been distant from me as well. ( note we are long distance )

We recently got into a bit of a big argument over him being uncomfortable with showing affection, how we normally do over email and text, he sorta blew up on me saying that he never liked it and that it made him sad. Which I can understand. So I'm not going to do say it/ do it if it upsets him.

I suggested space for a couple of days due to all of the stress on both ends.

then he started saying things like " you hate me, I'll go find something to do we'll talk later "

I told him to stop, that I didnt hate him, that I loved him and I was just stressed...

His response was " if you love me why dont you want to talk to me? "
we agreed to talk later tonight as we are.

I told him I was sorry I hurt him and that I loved him and that I was feeling better, that I just needed to relax for a bit. I asked him how he was doing.

He said it was okay he loved me and that he wanted to drop that part of the conversation.

He started talking about his physical health how he thinks he might have a parasite ( which he's gonna go to the doctor about ) He referred to hating his life and " its everything I can do to keep from hurting myself "

So after we discussed the physical health I asked him how he was doing what was on his mind, that he seemed stressed and unhappy.... His reply to that was "I'm going to take a shower I'll be back on in a bit "

I feel he's shutting down on me, and entering a depressed state... I'm really worried about him. I dont want to push him, he doesnt have to come to me if he doesnt want to. I'm just really REALLY worried....

How can I help him? what can I do?



aspiemike
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,287
Location: Canada

10 Jul 2012, 8:52 pm

How old are the both of you? Be aware that Aspies can be pretty stubborn or at least I think that because I can be stubborn.
First off, I believe myself to be better off without medication. Look up foods that can help boost his dopamine and serotonin and try and suggest eating some of these foods.
The withdrawal effect should also wear out in a few days as well. Cannot guarantee he will snap out of his funk. I would suggest for him personally to get out and do something that makes him happy. Encourage fitness if you can.
Some space may be necessary as well. Hopefully he doesn't forget about you.



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,059
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA

10 Jul 2012, 11:04 pm

It sounds to me like you've both been stressed out lately because of what you've both been dealing with & are both more sensitive & moody than usual. It may be good if you both had a bit of space to deal with things. Let him know your there for him & want to listen if he wants to talk about anything & then try to tone the emotional discussions down & let him reach out to you.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


edgewaters
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Aug 2006
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,427
Location: Ontario

10 Jul 2012, 11:25 pm

I shut down on a regular basis, and your post describes me pretty well during that phase. For me it's a coping strategy. I get overwhelmed and I have to disengage from all personal interaction for a while (I can manage a very minimal amount of impersonal/scripted interaction, but not much, during these times).

But people get concerned, and concern is a very personal interaction, which disrupts the process. So, I sometimes get a wee bit hostile and push them off just so I can have the required time and space to shut down properly. If I can't shut down - I start burning bridges outright, cutting contact with people permanently until I can shut down.

Lots of reflection happens for me during a shutdown. A lot of processing going on. Which means I can emerge with different (sometimes radically different) views on things, and make new choices based on those views.



Butters
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jun 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 64

10 Jul 2012, 11:57 pm

Quote:
I suggested space for a couple of days due to all of the stress on both ends.

then he started saying things like " you hate me, I'll go find something to do we'll talk later "

I told him to stop, that I didnt hate him, that I loved him and I was just stressed...

His response was " if you love me why dont you want to talk to me? "



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,059
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA

11 Jul 2012, 12:08 am

Butters wrote:
Quote:
I suggested space for a couple of days due to all of the stress on both ends.

then he started saying things like " you hate me, I'll go find something to do we'll talk later "

I told him to stop, that I didnt hate him, that I loved him and I was just stressed...

His response was " if you love me why dont you want to talk to me? "

He's in depressed meltdown mode. I've been in that phase before & if he's like me; he'll calm down after he's left alone a while. to relax while listening to music, taking a nap ect.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


Wolfheart
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,971
Location: Kent, England

11 Jul 2012, 2:33 am

Just be supportive and reinforce positive self belief and faith in him, show him that you do have faith in him and you aren't willing to give up on him so easily. Show him that you care about him and you are willing to overcome obstacles with him.



aspiemike
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,287
Location: Canada

11 Jul 2012, 3:37 pm

edgewaters wrote:
I shut down on a regular basis, and your post describes me pretty well during that phase. For me it's a coping strategy. I get overwhelmed and I have to disengage from all personal interaction for a while (I can manage a very minimal amount of impersonal/scripted interaction, but not much, during these times).

But people get concerned, and concern is a very personal interaction, which disrupts the process. So, I sometimes get a wee bit hostile and push them off just so I can have the required time and space to shut down properly. If I can't shut down - I start burning bridges outright, cutting contact with people permanently until I can shut down.

Lots of reflection happens for me during a shutdown. A lot of processing going on. Which means I can emerge with different (sometimes radically different) views on things, and make new choices based on those views.


Don't think anyone could have said it better



Butters
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jun 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 64

12 Jul 2012, 1:56 pm

We talked I told him how I felt. We've been doing better now.