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whitetiger
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04 Feb 2009, 2:47 am

My AS boyfriend is completely selfless. He gives, gives, gives. But, he has an addiction problem lately that he's getting help for (a certain prescription drug) and when he's coming down off it he's very selfish. At least he admits it and is now getting help.

Still, I'm worried about this relationship, having AS too.

I get burned out from too much interaction. I get overwhelmed. I get over-stimulated from sensuality.

BF is afraid if we live together it could ruin our relationship. We both need our space too much. Still, I'd like to live with him eventually. We saw Mozart and the Whale and we decided that the reason the couple had problems was that they moved in together too early and it was too intense for them.

Managing intensity.. help!



beef_bourito
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04 Feb 2009, 10:00 am

i'm very much of the mindset that people should wait as long as possible before moving in together. i've seen so many relationships break down after people move in together. case in point, my roommates: they were in a relationship and he moved in with her out of convenience (the house is really close to campus, they already did all their groceries together, and he was looking for a place to live). they broke up within 6 months of living together, i think it was even less than that. so you really need to get to know them and you have to be completely sure you can live together before you make that leap. it would also help to make certain needs clear. i, for example, need some alone time, as many others here do, where i don't want to be disrupted and need to be completely alone or i get antsy and irritable. if you have needs like this your boyfriend needs to know them before you move in together.



garyww
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04 Feb 2009, 3:55 pm

Track down some of the threads by Millie. They will interest you.


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ford_prefects_kid
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04 Feb 2009, 5:13 pm

I would imagine it would depend on the place you would be living together.

For example, I need a lot of space but I also find it soothing to be able to regularly see my boyfriend. We live very close and frequently spend the night at each other's respective places, so we practically live with each other- just in our own separate rooms.

I think the transition to living together would be smooth enough for me personally if I maintained my own room where I could be in undisturbed solitude whenever I needed it. Also, it would help if our separate work/school schedules were such that we would each be home by ourselves on occasion.

My father is NT, but he shows a lot of AS traits- I think a big key to the success of his 25 year marriage is that he has his own studio/office where he spends a good part of his time at home, and the rest of the household- my mom included- avoids that area when he is doing his own thing.