The difference between flirting and just being nice

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polymathpoolplayer
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24 Sep 2009, 2:59 am

SilverStar wrote:
Here are some signs that women are flirting, although, nothing is definite, beacuse some are friendly and outgoing, and not mean anything by it. You have to pay close attention. Some guys will act the same way when they like you.
I'd say it's a lot more than "some".



MartyMoose
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24 Sep 2009, 7:02 am

I've heard alot of NTs say they have the same problem



Hector
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24 Sep 2009, 10:06 am

Yeah, this is another one of those tests which even the socially capable can fail. For one thing, perhaps the person who is "flirting/being nice" is not a great communicator. Similarly pretty much everyone is stumped when it comes to telling the difference between people who are shy around them and people who really just don't want to have anything to do with them.



MDD123
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24 Sep 2009, 10:53 am

It's almost impossible to beat the system, you either pick up on their subtle hints and respond with more subtlty, or you act overt and they shoot you down for being obvious. Like I've said before, when I'm done with school, I'm getting the hottest mail order bride I can find and I'm gonna let everyone who had a chance just watch the fireworks.



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27 Sep 2009, 11:16 pm

I saw the gas station girl again. She asked me what my evil villain name was. I said my name is Landon, but I guess I go by Agent L. She laughed and said she was gonna start calling me that from now on. :P


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racooneyes
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27 Sep 2009, 11:25 pm

You should ask her out. When she told you she was finished work in 2 hours was your 1st chance, each time she talks to you and you don't ask her out you miss another chance. At some point she'll think you've rejected her and stop talking to you. If she's initiating those 'evil powers' conversations and making random funnies with you I'd say you're in :wink:


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idiocratik
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28 Sep 2009, 1:18 am

racooneyes wrote:
You should ask her out. When she told you she was finished work in 2 hours was your 1st chance, each time she talks to you and you don't ask her out you miss another chance. At some point she'll think you've rejected her and stop talking to you. If she's initiating those 'evil powers' conversations and making random funnies with you I'd say you're in :wink:


Well, I'm pretty sure I've missed dozens of chances in the past since I'm completely oblivious to flirting. I still don't think that's what's going on. So there you go.


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SINsister
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28 Sep 2009, 10:45 am

idiocratik wrote:
Well, I'm pretty sure I've missed dozens of chances in the past since I'm completely oblivious to flirting.


Ditto. At uni, I didn't realize that a male pal's roommate was interested in me until the night when a bunch of us were hanging out in their dorm room smoking out, and the dude in question purposely sat practically on top of me on their couch. To say that I was shocked would be an understatement; I wasn't into the guy, though (he had issues with hygiene that I won't delve into here. *P-U*).

Then there was the matter of stinky boy's roommate (my pal). I'd had a massive crush on him, which I never divulged, of course; he eventually began dating a girl from his dorm, so our friendship sort of fizzled (I didn't feel like playing the role of tormented third wheel). We kept in touch though, and years later, whilst chatting on IM, he and I discovered that the attraction during our college days had been *mutual* - I'd had NO CLUE that he was interested in me, because I can't "read" people (and I'd had such low self-esteem back then that I couldn't imagine that my feelings for a guy would ever be reciprocated); he'd never made a move because he'd considered me to be out of his league.
Ahhh, the irony, and the tragedy. :(


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racooneyes
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28 Sep 2009, 12:38 pm

Yes I'm exactly the same, so many times I've missed things and friends ask 'why didn't you do anything?' and I'm like 'huh?... what?' lol The thing I said above about her acting funny after a while cos she see it as rejection has happened to me a few times too, it's really weird and unpleasant when that change occurs even if you hardly knew them.

I think what she's doing is called an overture, just a beginning, she's not sayin she wants in your pants but that she's interested in you and would like to get to know you better. Even if you don't want to get romantic with her she could still be a friend/aquaintance. You never know until you try? The phrase 'strike while the iron is hot' comes to mind. I know it doesn't seem as easy as all that but these things don't come naturally for us so getting the experience (+ or -) is essential for the times when it could be important to you.

And don't feel bad if you don't do anything. Just make sure to keep what you've seen in mind and see if you recognise it next again in future. No need to do anything then either but if you begin to see a pattern it's hard to ignore. Sounds like there will be a next time too, I'm not ugly but very rarely had girls come on to me like that (I missed it when it did happen lol).


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28 Sep 2009, 8:35 pm

I overheard gas station girl telling someone she wanted to go into the military. That's a huge turn-off for me. Oh well.


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Eto
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28 Sep 2009, 9:24 pm

Homer_Bob wrote:
As far as I can reckon, flirting is being too nice while being nice is just nice. If a girl gets all playful with you and cutesy and goes out of her way to get your attention; perhaps that is flirting. I'd figure a girl would be flirting with me if she perhaps gave me more attention then anyone else. If she's like that with everyone, then she's just too friendly with people. That's what I would assume anyways.


This is sorta how I try to figure it out. This guy has been talking to me a bit the past few days and complimenting me, and for a while I was trying to figure out if he was flirting, before realizing he's the gregarious extroverted type that's friendly/flirty with practically everyone.

As far as I know, I've never actually been flirted with. And if I have, I've brushed it off as someone being nice, because I don't see why anyone would flirt with me anyway. And if they are being flirty, I don't know how to actually respond to it.

As for how I flirt? Uh. I don't. Not intentionally, anyway. My friend told me I was practically flirting the other day when I was just being nice, so I have no idea.


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