Internet friends are not real friends(!)

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kraftiekortie
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31 Jan 2015, 10:21 am

LOL....I was forced to make real friends until I was 36 years old; before then, there was no Internet in my life.

I think actual person-to-person contact renders a friendship "more real," though Internet friendships could be just as fulfilling in a personal sense.



0_equals_true
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01 Feb 2015, 7:24 am

People who are unrealistic will be unrealistic online or offline.

There is always a tenancy to project. Some people are particularly unrealistic and even obsessive online simple because there are so many gaps, especially at the start. This can cause problem in this sort of personalty, because they could either be exploited, or they could read into something that is not there.

There is no reason why you can't have online friends, just be realistic about it.

Personally I have found my friends online, though I wouldn't ever call them online friends. They weren't actual friends online, and not everyone I met through online contact became my friend.

For me "online" friends in the literal sense doesn’t do anything for me. It is just a means to find potential friends.

If you want online friends, that you hang out as friend online with, then you need to find someone similarly minded. Even with modern cultures, this is only a subset of the population.



sorrowfairiewhisper
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20 Feb 2015, 8:08 pm

@ equals true.

I did have a few internet friends that lasted a few years, regularly exchanged lengthy emails but gradually we drifted apart and they eventually stopped speaking, it all stopped when they met people, got married ect.I don't use any social networking sites anymore, can't be bothered with them , people airing out their problems status by status and moaning on these sites.
Genuine friends are hard to come by, whether it's online or offline like you said, even in real life, you see someone in a physical sense, theirs a chance they're just as likely to be "fake" in personality as those who hide behind a "profile" picture and aren't who they say they are. I've never met anyone genuine, neurotypical or aspie really not long term friends anyway, people come and go, people change ect. When you form friendships online, its a chance you take. Least online you can block someone if they're horrible and you don't have to see them again, unlike real life if you encounter people, they're harder to get away from. If you do however have a long term friend online you've spoken too and exchanged lengthy messages, like pen paling then yes i'd guess you can class them as friends, especially if you know so much about each other ect.



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20 Feb 2015, 9:14 pm

Meeting people online is just like meeting people anywhere else. The forum or game or whatever is just a platform to get to know people. If all you do is talk back and forth on a forum I wouldn't say that is a real friend, or maybe a casual friend. However, if you've spent a lot of time talking with someone and actually get to know them, they can absolutely become a real friend.

There are a few friends that I have, two people in particular, who are some of my best friends in the world. If someone told me they aren't the same as real friends, I would laugh in their face. Saying that a friend you have that you met on a messageboard isn't a real friend is about as stupid as saying that a friend you met at work isn't a real friend because you met them at work.

Regarding the previous post about a person's online personality being different from the way they are in real life seems weird to me. I know that it happens, but for me, what you see is what you get. Granted, you don't show every bit of your personality on a forum, especially one like this, but personally I (don't try to be anything other than what I am. The exception is that in writing you don't see all my weird quirks. On other boards where i feel more relaxed, they see some of my quirks, as they have to do with words.



sorrowfairiewhisper
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20 Feb 2015, 9:33 pm

What I mean't to say was, it's just as likely someone will pretend to be something they're not whether it's online or real life. Some people are fake and yet some are genuine and what you see is what you get, all i'm saying is that it isn't always the case, it takes a while to really get to know someone and get a feel on what sort of person they are.
You're right! talking to someone briefly on a forum or a brief chat doesn't equate friendships, that is more of an acquaintance. How people act and what they say or do, truly defines a person and the more you talk to that person, the more obvious it becomes what type of person they are. Forming friendships online or in real life are good but sometimes due to natural causes people drift apart or sometimes people change.



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12 Feb 2017, 9:33 am

Sure not. Would that make me see online friends lightly? My answer is No.

It would require a lot of efforts and devotion for me to maintain any online relationships. I would be able to gather more information seeing a person face-to-face as opposed to texting, which can easily lead to misunderstanding from either side. Feeling connected/cared for is what really matters.


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sorrowfairiewhisper
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29 Jun 2017, 6:26 pm

palmtoka wrote:
Sure not. Would that make me see online friends lightly? My answer is No.

It would require a lot of efforts and devotion for me to maintain any online relationships. I would be able to gather more information seeing a person face-to-face as opposed to texting, which can easily lead to misunderstanding from either side. Feeling connected/cared for is what really matters.



Agree with comment above!

Also I class some people as friends, others acquaintances . Depending on how often we've spoken, if we talk quite often as supposed to just exchanging a couple of messages back and forth, the amount of time you've met and kept in touch ect.

Also would you say someone more of a friend if you've chatted via webcam as supposed to those you just exchange messages with but never actually seen face to face?



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29 Jun 2017, 7:32 pm

This is a conundrum for me. For a good 15 years I'd say, I relied more on the interactions with people online than offline even though on the surface I had a very active social life growing up.

This day and age, while I know there are real people on the other side of the computer I'm speaking to...I just don't feel the same engagement I did when I was younger, feeling subconsciously isolated from the world and more socially anxious.

I guess friends are as real to you as you need them to be.


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sorrowfairiewhisper
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29 Jun 2017, 9:33 pm

TheSpectrum wrote:
This is a conundrum for me. For a good 15 years I'd say, I relied more on the interactions with people online than offline even though on the surface I had a very active social life growing up.

This day and age, while I know there are real people on the other side of the computer I'm speaking to...I just don't feel the same engagement I did when I was younger, feeling subconsciously isolated from the world and more socially anxious.

I guess friends are as real to you as you need them to be.



I agreed with your last statement, especially on the one about friends are as real as you need them to be, very true!

sorry to hear that you'll feel more socially anxious and isolated, i'd guess even if online interaction fills somewhat of a void, it's true that it isn't the same as actual face to face interaction. However it helps us aspies feel less lonely, as we struggle with interaction.



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30 Jun 2017, 6:06 am

Thank you. And this place helped me a lot when I was alone and didn't have much interaction for a period of time.

I don't really feel anxious these days. I did a lot only a good 3-4 years ago.


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sorrowfairiewhisper
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30 Jun 2017, 12:04 pm

TheSpectrum wrote:
Thank you. And this place helped me a lot when I was alone and didn't have much interaction for a period of time.

I don't really feel anxious these days. I did a lot only a good 3-4 years ago.



I'm glad that this forum helped you, i'd guess we're lucky to live in this technological era on where we can find interaction from anywhere, especially if we can't connect with others locally.

Sounds like you've overcome your anxiety now, which is good.



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09 Jul 2017, 6:54 am

I had some internet friends who weren't really friends but I had others who were. I also met my two exes & current girlfriend on forums & I've been living with my current for 5 years now.


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09 Jul 2017, 3:37 pm

I'm no longer feeling the real/fake false dichotomy. Wasn't anyway. Does anybody want to lay out, textbook, what that actually means?

Everyone is real.


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09 Jul 2017, 3:46 pm

cberg wrote:
I'm no longer feeling the real/fake false dichotomy. Wasn't anyway. Does anybody want to lay out, textbook, what that actually means?

Everyone is real.

A botfarm in Moscow disagrees...

I think the point is that in person people act differently than they do online because of the anonymity online conversation provides. Whether people are more 'real' about their thoughts online or in person is debatable.



cberg
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09 Jul 2017, 4:16 pm

I wasn't writing about servers. ALL thoughts are real.

We do not yet possess thinking machines, we can only think like machines. If that's unsettling, please don't. That's best left to those with experience of serious self-restraint.


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Kitty4670
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14 Jul 2017, 1:12 am

Internet friends are not real friends… what are they? Are they ghost or robots. Some internet friends are not real friends & others are real friends. I believe people think what they want to believe, not everyone will agree, everyone is different. For a really long time now, I added friends to Facebook, they were mostly game friends & not really my friends. I have people on Facebook I talk to, we go back MANY years ago, I met those people online in early 2000, we share a love for the same musician, I met them on a fan site. One friend became my best friend, we could talk for hours, I even call her my sister. Unfortunately we drifted apart, she is still on my Facebook, but we don't talk to each other like we used to.