How do go about being friends with someone with Asperger's?
No.
Even if it was, why is it your job to love and accept him?
The other option is to walk away.
_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I
No? Everyone here seems to be negative.
No.
Even if it was, why is it your job to love and accept him?
The other option is to walk away.
No, that is not how life is supposed to be.
No, people are not just meant to be loved and accepted for who they are, except by their mother, and even mothers try to make their kids turn into decent people.
If someone behaves like a sh***y person, why should anyone love them?
I don't think it's at all positive to let people treat you badly then just sit back and go "oh, that's ok, I'll love you anyway, tell me how I can be a better friend". Friendship has to go both ways.
_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I
nerdygirl
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,645
Location: In the land of abstractions and ideas.
I don't think we can EXPECT people to change, though it is possible they may change.
When we are continually mistreated and realize this is "how the person is", we have to make a decision. Will we stick by the person knowing that we will be mistreated, or will we walk away. This is a decision that each individual must make, and a lot of it has to do with their own personal emotional health & strength. One person may be able to "take" the mistreatment and not be any worse for the wear. Another person might be destroyed by staying with such a "friend"/partner.
Sometimes love has to be tough, and the best thing we can do to love another person is to let them experience the natural consequences of their behavior. If a person's behavior causes harm to other and refuses to make amends when attention is brought to it, then that person may well experience the loss of relationships as a result. It can be a very loving thing to do to let a person experience being alone as a result of bad behavior. Sometimes, staying with the person is coddling them and enabling the behavior.
Each person has to make a decision regarding the relationship and discern what the best course of action to take is. We cannot look from the outside and say, "You aren't loving because you're not accepting the person the way they are."
Yeah sometimes you do have to walk away I guess after you've tried. I'll keep him as a friend on Facebook I just won't talk to him or give him my attention. I think that's all he really likes anyway is attention which is why he has said several times he would commit suicide and act out in other ways. Some people are attention seekers and will threaten suicide as a way to get attention from others. He told me that saying nice things to him flatters his ego.
When we are continually mistreated and realize this is "how the person is", we have to make a decision. Will we stick by the person knowing that we will be mistreated, or will we walk away. This is a decision that each individual must make, and a lot of it has to do with their own personal emotional health & strength. One person may be able to "take" the mistreatment and not be any worse for the wear. Another person might be destroyed by staying with such a "friend"/partner.
Sometimes love has to be tough, and the best thing we can do to love another person is to let them experience the natural consequences of their behavior. If a person's behavior causes harm to other and refuses to make amends when attention is brought to it, then that person may well experience the loss of relationships as a result. It can be a very loving thing to do to let a person experience being alone as a result of bad behavior. Sometimes, staying with the person is coddling them and enabling the behavior.
Each person has to make a decision regarding the relationship and discern what the best course of action to take is. We cannot look from the outside and say, "You aren't loving because you're not accepting the person the way they are."
I don't agree. I think it's really best to assume when someone talks about suicide that they are in pain, and I also think it's a mistake to tell yourself he's only after attention as a reason to go.
The reason to be with him is you feel it makes your life better, or gives something worthwhile without too high a cost.
The reason not to, is if I'm reading your posts right, he isn't making your life better, and you don't see him or anyone benefitting from you being in a relationship with him....if that's accurate try to be sad over this and then move on.
I hope you find someone you are happy with soon
I will third that the talk of suicide is something that indicates a person needs help. Whether or not they need help because they might suicide is neither here nor there. Someone who is so desperate for attention or love or is feeling so alone that they would even consider talking about wanting to suicide needs help. Sometimes that help is just in the moment, or because of a melt down, and isn't indicative that they will suicide, but they need help either way.
The thing is, most laypeople are not trained or capable of helping people with suicidal ideation (whether it is because they are desperate for attention or are actually contemplating suicide). Really so many issues that come up on these boards and elsewhere online are things only professionals should be dealing with.
Nothing helped me with my suicidal thoughts or self-damaging behaviour until I got professional help (SSRIs and therapy).
To me, I think sometimes all it takes is one person one moment of showing concern, feeling and expressing love or compassion, treating a suicidal person like.....a person may save their life. Has that not been your experience?
To me, I think sometimes all it takes is one person one moment of showing concern, feeling and expressing love or compassion, treating a suicidal person like.....a person may save their life. Has that not been your experience?
Not with the people I have known who have suicided, which is too many. I wasn't suggesting that everyday people like us can't reach out to others (I think we always should), I said that I don't believe we are capable of helping people - what I mean is with the disorders that cause suicidal ideation. In the moment, possibly. The people I've known reached out, had friends, often had access to help, and suicided anyhow. Most folks who suicide successfully aren't the ones who discuss it in depth beforehand with anybody.
I could have been clearer about what I meant. To heal the underlying issues that lead to suicidal ideation, people need professional help.
Hey, it wasn't me who came out with "we should all be loved and accepted for who we are, isn't that how life is supposed to be?".
_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I
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