Speech and all that

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I am finding myself unable to talk to people. Ignoring the actual finding people with common interests and stuff, I still feel like I have nothing to say. It's like there's a blank spot in my head. I can't think of anything to say unless it is specific. Like I need them to move out the way or ask a question directly related to something. It all seems a bit futile and inefficient. Conversations seem more interesting in my head than they ever do in reality.

It's like I tried to ask someone how they were and they went into a five minute monologue about things. I was bored by the 45 second mark, and I don't think they even let me talk really afterwards. Not that I really had anything to say.

Is there an effective way to generate stuff to say? Stuff that doesn't feel completely false or pointless?

I think learning to listen is better than learning to talk.

That is one thing about our autistic wiring. We usually don't have the mental facilities to come up with loads of stuff for idle chitchat. We can only do so if we have scripted and practice doing it for awhile.

I'm horrible at smalltalk too. I usually just try to enable the other person to keep the conversation going by asking questions about what they've said. Unless the conversation is about work, World of Warcraft, or a current/past interest, I just don't have much to talk about.

Small talk is an art. But it is one you can learn .

Next time you are with a group of people who are talking about meaningless stuff, take note of the sorts of things they are saying. Store that up for future use. So the next time someone gets chatty with you, you can respond correctly.

Here's the kicker, though - it can be the same thing over and over and over again. Seriously. Small talk isn't about rational thought or knowledge or even intelligent creative ideas. It's the same set of phrases over and over again.

I work at a grocery store and interact with hundreds of people a day. How on earth can a borderline do this? Simple - people talk about the same thing over and over and over again. "It's hot." "It's cold." "Don't you get bored?" "Wow, you're fast at that." blah blah blah - all the same stupid thing. So I respond with what I think is the correct response and judge what they respond with (both facial expressions and words) as to how acceptable it was. I make slight adjustments to each response until I get a positive reaction from most people.

Then I memorize that response and say it every single time someone brings it up.

Some set responses - as an example:


Them: "That's a real bill! I made it this morning!"

Me: "Tell your boss you did a good job."


Them: "Don't you find it really cold in here?"

Me: "I keep busy."


Them: "Don't you find it really hot in here?"

Me: "Yeah, it is." ::shrug:: "What can you do?"


Them: "How are you today?"

Me: ::smile:: "Miserable." ::laugh::


I do this hundreds of times a day. HUNDREDS. Small talk is about figuring out the set responses and delivering them correctly. Nothing more. Don't get freaked about it - just watch other people and use their responses as a base for yours.

SSRI's made me able to talk nonsense without any effort with practically everyone, while otherwise I'm practically mute if there is no useful things to say. I don't think that was a good solution tough.