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NorthernLights
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15 Mar 2010, 4:10 pm

Sigh.

Anyone else here go from zero-to-sixty in about half a second in the torqued-off dept due to what I politely refer to as "overly helpful" people?

I'm talking about the people who insist on sticking their hands/noses into projects/other things that I have going on (for example, a relatively minor car repair that I plan on doing when I've got the time to do, when the part is available from the dealer, etc) even though I have made it abundantly clear that I genuinely appreciate the availability of the assistance that they propose BUT I would very much prefer/enjoy completing said-project myself in my own time.

I'm not talking about life and death or valuable-property-saving stuff. With these people it ranges from insisting on going to the store and buying the fishing rods/reels that we'll need for halibut fishing (not as gifts--they'd rather just buy the stuff than explain what kind we'll need or let me research and carry it out myself), "butting in" to home/car repair projects that I have to put on hold from time to time due to the fact that my work requires that I travel away from home for weeks at a time.

I've been very clear--and polite and kind!--whenever I've declined their gracious and generally well-meaning but totally unwanted/unnecessary offers of assistance/intervention...but...they always seem to 'strike' when I'm out of town, stopping by to see my wife (they're her friends way moreso than they are my friends) and taking it from there.

I'm a highly competent professional making life/death decisions virtually every day as a matter of course, so it's not like I cannot or do not get these things done...but...for some reason this kind of behavior by people like the ones that I"m describing drives me insane. :evil: I try not to let it get to me, but every once in a while I just get so frikkin' insulted and pissed.... :twisted: :twisted:

I'm an INTJ...and the Wikipedia description for INTJs "says it all" as far as I'm concerned about how I think, how I do things, etc. I'm tempted as hell to print the Wiki page up and hand it to them with the most pertinent commentaries highlighted, but that would be extremely lame/dorky, plus it might come across as me "blaming" my personality and behavior on things that I can't control, which I absolutely do not consider to be the case. Rather, it's just how I'm "wired" as an INTJ so it's tempting to think that maybe if I explained to them where I'm coming from in terms that I haven't tried before---and believe me, I've tried to tell them that I appreciate their help but I'd like to learn how to do it myself or to have the satisfaction of doing it myself, pretty simple, reasonable, elementary human needs, I think---then perhaps they'll finally get it and leave things the hell alone when I ask them to!

I LIKE being an INTJ, and I'm fiercely proud of my independent streak as well as my ability to figure things out for myself and get them done, usually better than other people in the end.

Am I over-reacting? I don't think that I am....I can't see what I could do/say differently on my part, but I sure as hell can think of how THEY could do things differently! :evil:



Taupey
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15 Mar 2010, 5:21 pm

I'm an INTJ too and I cannot stand those kind of people! You obviously have more patience than I do. I say "No Thank You" one time. Then I tell them to go **** themselves. They are annoying, rude and insulting. They never want to take NO for an answer. If they refuse to listen to what I am telling them, I have no problems getting my point across. Those kinda people know exactly what they are doing. I don't trust them. From my experience, those kind of people have always had an agenda and it didn't have anything to do with wanting to help me.



NorthernLights
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15 Mar 2010, 8:18 pm

Unfortunately I agree with you, Taupey, about the trust and agenda stuff. That's part of what I find disturbing about my reaction, the fact that I think that they are "up to something."



carzak
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15 Mar 2010, 8:44 pm

I think people like that are insecure to some extent and mostly want to try to help for the ego boost they get. They don't really care whether they're being helpful, until you make a remark about it, which will likely offend them if not done in the most tactful way (but even that's no guarantee). Then they try to put the guilt on you... "I was just trying to help!" It's a familiar scenario to a lot of people.



NorthernLights
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15 Mar 2010, 9:58 pm

Ego boost...yes, I can see that with the people I'm talking about at the present moment. Thing is, they'd be entirely tolerable if they'd just back the hell off most of the time. Funny though, how you mentioned the trying to turn it around on me/guilt thing....today they emailed me telling me to learn to be gracious and humble and just accept it. All THAT did was piss me off even more since they are the ones who were responsible for the whole thing to begin with. All they f+cking had to do was just leave it alone.... :roll:



Taupey
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15 Mar 2010, 10:26 pm

You hit the nail on the head Carzak! They try to turn it around and make you look like the bad one. Is that kind of behaviour Passive-Agressive?

Edit: corrected word