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Soledad
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09 Jul 2010, 8:46 am

When I tell people that people ignore my messages, they often tell me that those people are busy but they really arent. and I know this from experience with actual proof that these people are ignoring me. I am often right, if not always. and I used to give people the benefit of the doubt about these types of situations.

Why dont NTs care about being ignored? But care so much about people ignoring me?
People tell me its not important, but its important to me and the reason they tell me its not important is because they say its just cause we arent suppose to care. but we can say that about a bunch of situations. Like how NTs or any person aspie or not gets upset that someone doesnt return thier love. Its upsettting, but we can all say its not important, which some of us do, but we still stay upset.

Why dont NTs care about being ignored? But care so much about people ignoring me?

and people always tell me "you are talking to the wrong people then" or "You need some new friends" ..as if theyd be any better. then when I get new freinds the same crap happens. I get ignored. I DONT GET IT!! !! who are the right people? and why dont NTs have feelings about this stuff?



Asp-Z
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09 Jul 2010, 10:32 am

Because NTs have loads of friends yet tend to only actually care about a few of them. They'd get upset if one of their good friends ignored them, but they'd give a different reason for it, they wouldn't say it just because of that.



Lene
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09 Jul 2010, 10:34 am

ok, firstly, you have every right to be pissed off at friends who don't reply to your messages.

But what's that going to change?

Nothing.

And what can you do to make them reply?

Nothing.

You could always get new friends, but as you've said, they just do the same.

You could be a hermit and ignore everyone, but that'd probably hurt you more than them in the long run.

So you're kind of stuck with it. So you may as well not let it get to you.

I know that's easy for me to say; it's not me that's pissed off right now, and if it were, I would be ranting too.

But I know that in my past there have been instances where flakey 'friends' have blown me off. I could sit around wasting my time hating them for it, or I could just move on. I chose to move on; I am on friendly terms with the 'friend' but I don't waste time investing any emotional energy in her anymore, nor do I give a damn what she does or whether she ignores me. It's surprisingly liberating not to give a toss about why certain people act the way they do, especially if you know that you haven't done anything wrong.

Repeat after me: "meh. B*tch/b*st*rd. Who cares?" Let the power of "meh" being your guiding light...

I'm not being entirely tongue in cheek here. Sometimes you seriously do just have to let things slide. It's difficult at first but it becomes better with practice. I find it helps to remember that most of the time, these people aren't thinking about trying to offend or hurt you. They're just not thinking full stop.

Ever hurt someone accidently without realising, and then later on beat yourself up for not realising? It's kind of the same thing. The nice people feel bad. The not-so-nice ones never even realise they've messed up in the first place, or if they do, they don't give it a second thought. So neither should you!



Soledad
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09 Jul 2010, 6:28 pm

But it seems like the people who don't care if people reply (which are most people) are the ones who do it.



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09 Jul 2010, 7:24 pm

Because they have 40 friends, to worry about.


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grandtheftrondo
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10 Jul 2010, 1:19 am

Oh NT do care about being ignore. That's a normal reaction. But the important thing is what you do after being ignored. NT would say well either what i am saying is not interesting if alot of people are ignoring me so I am not going to say that anymore or they are just not that close of a friend to you to care. Instead of thinking why are they ignoring me start thinking what am I doing to make them ignore me. Sometimes the stuff you say are just not interesting to them. But you know what it could be interesting to some other people. If someone ignores me, I would think alright you don't want to listen fine I'll just talk to someone else and walk away.



Lene
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10 Jul 2010, 6:32 am

Soledad wrote:
But it seems like the people who don't care if people reply (which are most people) are the ones who do it.


Well, in that case that's a good sign! It means it's nothing personal; they're just being all-too-human and presuming everyone else on the planet is just like them.

grandtheftrondo has a good point; if one person doesn't listen, find another. Someone's gonna have an ear free.



Soledad
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12 Jul 2010, 10:26 am

Lene wrote:
Soledad wrote:
But it seems like the people who don't care if people reply (which are most people) are the ones who do it.


Well, in that case that's a good sign! It means it's nothing personal; they're just being all-too-human and presuming everyone else on the planet is just like them.

grandtheftrondo has a good point; if one person doesn't listen, find another. Someone's gonna have an ear free.


Nah, i'd rather not find anyone to talk to. f**k everybody.



NinjaHermit
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12 Jul 2010, 12:04 pm

Lene wrote:
You could be a hermit and ignore everyone, but that'd probably hurt you more than them in the long run.


It is, however, what I've decided to do, well pretty much. I think there are very few people that you meet in life that actually care about you. Most people I know seem to be quite OK with the fact that the majority of people don't care that much and take it as part of life.

I know that personally I'm not, and despite recently having tried to do better out in society I've found that when it all falls apart there are 3 or 4 people I care about who even if they're not physically present at least care about me. I'd rather concentrate on those handful of good people than everyone else out there. It took me 15 years to find the first good person in life, over the past decade I've added a couple more despite all the moving city, uni, trying to make new friends stuff etc. I've spent more times lying awake at night wondering why some people have left me feeling lost and betrayed than I care to remember, but unless you can honestly say you would be completely happy alone then you have to keep trying.

Everyone will hurt you and let you down, eventually you'll meet those few that do so a lot less and they're the people worth keeping in touch with.



Soledad
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12 Jul 2010, 12:28 pm

NinjaHermit wrote:
Lene wrote:
You could be a hermit and ignore everyone, but that'd probably hurt you more than them in the long run.


It is, however, what I've decided to do, well pretty much. I think there are very few people that you meet in life that actually care about you. Most people I know seem to be quite OK with the fact that the majority of people don't care that much and take it as part of life.

I know that personally I'm not, and despite recently having tried to do better out in society I've found that when it all falls apart there are 3 or 4 people I care about who even if they're not physically present at least care about me. I'd rather concentrate on those handful of good people than everyone else out there. It took me 15 years to find the first good person in life, over the past decade I've added a couple more despite all the moving city, uni, trying to make new friends stuff etc. I've spent more times lying awake at night wondering why some people have left me feeling lost and betrayed than I care to remember, but unless you can honestly say you would be completely happy alone then you have to keep trying.

Everyone will hurt you and let you down, eventually you'll meet those few that do so a lot less and they're the people worth keeping in touch with.


Yea, I agree, the majority of people are OK that most people don't care. In fact from my experiences they actaully seem to like it. People I meet always tell me "wherever you go not everyone's going to like you", but they say in in a tone that sounds as if they like the challenge of being disliked, rather than not caring either way. A guy from my class said "there's always gonna be someone putting their hands in your koolaid, when you get a gf there's going to always be guys trying to get with her, when you get a job your boss is gonna bother your", and he kinda smiled as if he liked it.

Do these people like these things their telling me?