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lotusblossom
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01 Sep 2010, 5:13 am

Mutate wrote:
dont get rid of your PC. i might post some critisism of you tonite and you wont want to be curious and sleepless about it. 8)

Its the only way. I cant carry on as I am. Its like picking at a scab all the time and never letting it heal. I came so close to killing myself last night, Im in such a bad state at the moment. I need to do something to make things better, I cant carry on how things are.



jdcnosse
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01 Sep 2010, 9:28 am

lotusblossom wrote:
jdcnosse wrote:
The hardest part for me, was when we first met and dated, we were together all day every day. Like I was her support or something. And now, she wants space. And is dating some guy. And I doubt we'll ever get back together because even though logcially I know it's bad to act this way, I don't know why I keep doing it.

I think I need to like move away. Or pull an Alexander Supertramp. (reference here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_Supertramp)

I know how you feel there is something very attractive/romantic about Alexander supertramp.

Im going to get rid of my computer later today as I think thats the only answer, Im too lazy to go to an internet cafe or the library so it will stop me checking what he does online or checking to see if he has emailed me. I cant carry on as I am, torturing myself and making myself ill, so its better to have the inconvenience of no internet rather than keep doing this to myself.


I actually don't think he's romantic or attractive, just stupid lol

I'm actually very relieved to say that we worked everything out last night :)


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lotusblossom
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01 Sep 2010, 9:33 am

jdcnosse wrote:
lotusblossom wrote:
jdcnosse wrote:
The hardest part for me, was when we first met and dated, we were together all day every day. Like I was her support or something. And now, she wants space. And is dating some guy. And I doubt we'll ever get back together because even though logcially I know it's bad to act this way, I don't know why I keep doing it.

I think I need to like move away. Or pull an Alexander Supertramp. (reference here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_Supertramp)

I know how you feel there is something very attractive/romantic about Alexander supertramp.

Im going to get rid of my computer later today as I think thats the only answer, Im too lazy to go to an internet cafe or the library so it will stop me checking what he does online or checking to see if he has emailed me. I cant carry on as I am, torturing myself and making myself ill, so its better to have the inconvenience of no internet rather than keep doing this to myself.


I actually don't think he's romantic or attractive, just stupid lol

I'm actually very relieved to say that we worked everything out last night :)

great! I hope it stays good between you :D



jdcnosse
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01 Sep 2010, 9:36 am

lotusblossom wrote:
jdcnosse wrote:
lotusblossom wrote:
jdcnosse wrote:
The hardest part for me, was when we first met and dated, we were together all day every day. Like I was her support or something. And now, she wants space. And is dating some guy. And I doubt we'll ever get back together because even though logcially I know it's bad to act this way, I don't know why I keep doing it.

I think I need to like move away. Or pull an Alexander Supertramp. (reference here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_Supertramp)

I know how you feel there is something very attractive/romantic about Alexander supertramp.

Im going to get rid of my computer later today as I think thats the only answer, Im too lazy to go to an internet cafe or the library so it will stop me checking what he does online or checking to see if he has emailed me. I cant carry on as I am, torturing myself and making myself ill, so its better to have the inconvenience of no internet rather than keep doing this to myself.


I actually don't think he's romantic or attractive, just stupid lol

I'm actually very relieved to say that we worked everything out last night :)

great! I hope it stays good between you :D


Well unfortunately we're not dating anymore, but she finally figured out why we broke up, and why she only wanted to be friends. She's only 17, so she told me essentially she just wants to date more, live life, experiment, all that crap teenagers/college students do.


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Meow101
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01 Sep 2010, 8:53 pm

I still say a delete button for memories would be a great idea *sigh*....can't obsess about what you don't remember...

~kate


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zombiecide
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14 Sep 2010, 10:18 am

Maybe reading a bit about the works of Dr Helen Fisher regarding romantic love can help a bit.
I'm in no mind to actually sift through the articles and write some coherent abstract for you, but what I remember is that it seems that romantic love has the same effect as a drug addiction on humans, or rather that drugs use the circuits that developed to allow us to bond with a mate and start a romantic relationship. Maybe the obsessive part of it is worse for people on the spectrum because it's unproportionally more dominant than the other kinds of bonding menchanisms than in NTs?
Which means that breaking up with somebody is about as difficult as going cold turkey. I haven't had a drug addiction, but I had habit-addictions and ... well, getting over the one person I fell in love with so far was worse than getting rid of those habits.
But it's possible. I think what made it worse for you was that it wasn't an official end, but a 'time away from each other', because that leaves hope. And that kind of hope can make the obsessiveness and addiction-like behaviour worse.
So, be nice to yourself, but also be honest and realistic, and don't do things that may hurt you or others.


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pmccully
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18 May 2017, 11:06 am

Attaching to this thread, is very related.
My ex boyfriend wants to take a break and blocked me on facebook . I used to use it as comfort to at least see some photos of where we had been. Dating I guess 5 months. He came on really strong so I tried to slow it down by not going out with his family on mothers day or to NY this weekend with him. He left me alone on my birthday, which was aweful anyway because I turned 38 and it really bugs me. So I left a message on his phone i don't want to see him anymore. He sent me an email saying he wanted to keep going so I called him. We agreed to take a break for a few weeks to a month. I don't know what is going on and I can't think straight. I made a counselor appointment this weekend to help me become used to the idea I'm never going to be special to someone and that there is some thing inherently wrong with me. I'll just be lonely and unloved for the rest of my life and should really get used to the idea. I've run out of time. Why would anyone want to date an autistic 38 year old who's slightly over weight? All of the tropes are driving me nuts, I just wanted something real and I can't tell if he was just forceing the entire time. I can't tell anything. My birthday wish is to not feel anymore. I need these emotions ironed flat so I can at least do a proper job at work, which makes watching paint dry interesting.



Summer_Twilight
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19 May 2017, 9:46 am

Letting go takes time and especially if you really care about something who doesn't reciprocate. I can relate as I had two guys who I had crushes on next to putting my eggs into one basket both times as well.

1. Don't put your eggs into one basket

I was also scared that I wasn't going to find anyone else

3. Don't get mad at them because it would cause a conflict and make things harder (I learned that the hard way with guy #2).

Finally, I know what it's like to see someone who once associated with you as a love interest and you both have to avoid each other.

It happened to me with the second guy #2 after he let me down romantically two years earlier along with him having a low tolerance to my hyperactivity along with knowing that I was mad at him for saying "No" to me. So we just remained acquaintances on a chatroom because he could not handle seeing me "Face to face."

About 7 years ago, there was a funeral for a leader in our local autism community that we both attended separately. Even though he lived three miles from me, he did not bother calling me up to give me a ride. Yet, he called an ex-friend of mine (while we were still friends) and offered her a ride because she lived down the street from the funeral. Meanwhile, he avoided me the entire time and it was so hard.

How I let guy #2 go was just by meeting other people on a non-romantic basis and doing things that make me happy. If I needed to, writing him fake letters that never get sent.



pmccully
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19 May 2017, 10:25 am

I ended up on a phone call with him because he evaded my attempts to talk face to face. I tried to explain how unfair it is to ask me to wait for 3 months because he might want to be friends or more in that time. I can't do that so I told him so. I just give up. Weirdly i feel relieved even though this relationship turned out terribly.



Summer_Twilight
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20 May 2017, 7:06 am

If she is telling you that she wants space to date other people, it means that perhaps she still likes you but doesn't have you at the top of her list. It also means that if she doesn't make you a top priority in her life that she's not a good fit for you. If she is so bent on pulling this after 5 and a half months, what makes you think she is going to be faithful to you later on? If you ask me, I think she is being mean by leading you around like this and perhaps you need to ask her straight up:

"Look, I am really confused. Are you interested in me or not because I don't fool around and I am not going to play your games."