How to say no when a guy asks for your number?

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bucephalus
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04 May 2011, 10:44 pm

EternalSunshine wrote:
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Just tell him that you aren't comfortable giving your number to him yet. If he isn't willing to wait until you are comfortable with it, you don't want him to have it anyway.


I don't think it's even really an issue of "yet". I don't want to be friends with him, period, and I don't and likely never will want to give him my number. But I don't know how I can reject his friendship without being mean.


You are not being mean. If you already declined his invitation to go out then he is out of order to ask for your number. Don't feel like you are creating an awkward situation in work because this guy is invading your privacy. Even if his intentions are good he should know the rules, surely. (we have to learn them so why would NTs be exempt?!) To put myself in Andrew's position, I wouldn't dream of asking a work colleague for the cell number unless there was a practical reason such as meeting up for drinks etc.


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08 May 2011, 6:08 am

Instead of saying no, you should have given him phone number for local pizza joint. :D



Daretodreamm
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01 Jun 2011, 4:12 pm

No one understands more than me about this situation. The same exact thing happened to me except in my case my "andrew's friend was my friend Hanna. Well anyway this guy asked me for my phone number via facebook and I answered him two days or so later when he aske me again, this time in person. Well the thing is is that I as well didn't want to be friends with this guy. What I did was tell him I didn't answer cause I felt akward giving him my #. I thought this would throw him off but that day afterwards, he again messages me saying "is that a no?" I still refused to give it to him (nicely) because he is the type of guy who would text/call me ALL the time. This was an especially akward situation. Especially since he could take a hint and couldn't resist messaging me again....



OneStepBeyond
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01 Jun 2011, 4:31 pm

oh I wish there was a definitive answer to this! I don't even know how to say no to random guys you meet out, let alone ones you see all the time. It makes me feel awful! I always think it's a bit presumptious to give a 'i'm not interested in you in that way' speech; incase they didn't mean it in that way at all. what is the appropriate reaction!?

(not that it happens to me all the the time:/)



mox
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17 Jun 2011, 2:48 am

BlueMage wrote:
The way you are acting is cliquey and rude, deciding you will only be friends with special people. You are missing an opportunity to make connections at work. It does not matter if he want to sleep with you unless you think he's going to force himself on you or something. If he keeps asking you out report him for harassment, but maybe he lonely and would not mind being just friends. Just be nice to him and shoot the sh** every once in a while.


I disagree completely. I think the OP has every right to evaluate people on an individual basis and determine whether she wants to be friends with them. She doesn't have to give her phone number to anyone. If she doesn't want a person to call, she should not give it out - that simple. As for being nice and shooting the sh**, she can do that at work. He doesn't need her number.


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jojobean
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17 Jun 2011, 3:19 am

I think you are best telling the guy that you are interested in that Andrew is nice but is too persistant and that worries you...thiis is 1 the truth, and 2 will make your friend protective of you which will help get Andrew off your back without you having to assert your self.

Jojo


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MollyTroubletail
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17 Jun 2011, 4:01 am

What's wrong with a simple "No, thank you"? You can simply say "No, thank you" to any request and still be polite.

Andrew: Can I have your number?
You: No, thank you.

Andrew: We're still friends, right?
You: No, thank you.

Andrew: How come you gave Joe your number but not me?
You: No, thank you.

Andrew: Why are you just saying "no thank you" to me all the time?
You: Because I mean NO, THANK you!

This has always worked for me, and believe me, it stops all sorts of awkward and unwanted conversations right away because the persistent person starts feeling ridiculous. Plus, you don't have to think of anything original to say, just the one phrase, and you don't owe anybody any explanations at all. You don't need to have one man protect you from the other, or to pass messages, or any other manipulations whatsoever. "No, thank you" is surprisingly simple and powerful and stands on its own.



jojobean
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17 Jun 2011, 4:08 am

MollyTroubletail wrote:
What's wrong with a simple "No, thank you"? You can simply say "No, thank you" to any request and still be polite.

Andrew: Can I have your number?
You: No, thank you.

Andrew: We're still friends, right?
You: No, thank you.

Andrew: How come you gave Joe your number but not me?
You: No, thank you.

Andrew: Why are you just saying "no thank you" to me all the time?
You: Because I mean NO, THANK you!

This has always worked for me, and believe me, it stops all sorts of awkward and unwanted conversations right away because the persistent person starts feeling ridiculous. Plus, you don't have to think of anything original to say, just the one phrase, and you don't owe anybody any explanations at all. You don't need to have one man protect you from the other, or to pass messages, or any other manipulations whatsoever. "No, thank you" is surprisingly simple and powerful and stands on its own.


you have a point....I have been living in the deep south too long :duh:


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