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KingofKaboom
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09 Jan 2014, 7:20 pm

Do NT's typically consider their group of friends as a potential dating pool? I mean I've been asked a lot of questions and been forced essentially into liking someone who enjoys teasing me and wants me to like them but has no interest in dating me. They asked a lot of personal deep questions about sex and personal views that I don't normally get into with friends. I know people often date from their groups of friends but is it normal? I don't feel I have the emotional range to be interested in someone and be just platonic friends too and not care when they get into a relationship. Maybe I'm just incapable of being in a relationship because of this but I don't see my friends as potential mates. Just as friends.


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leafplant
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09 Jan 2014, 7:44 pm

KingofKaboom wrote:
Do NT's typically consider their group of friends as a potential dating pool? I mean I've been asked a lot of questions and been forced essentially into liking someone who enjoys teasing me and wants me to like them but has no interest in dating me. They asked a lot of personal deep questions about sex and personal views that I don't normally get into with friends. I know people often date from their groups of friends but is it normal? I don't feel I have the emotional range to be interested in someone and be just platonic friends too and not care when they get into a relationship. Maybe I'm just incapable of being in a relationship because of this but I don't see my friends as potential mates. Just as friends.


they may not realise you find those topics taboo or are overly sensitive to them, especially if you answered them and not made it evident you are uncomfortable discussing that sort of thing.

I tend to ask people all sorts of questions (very likely aspergers) and it totally never occurs to me at the time that it may be inappropriate. Only later I go "oh, s**t, I probably shouldn't have said that". I'm just eternally curious about everything. Maybe your friends are like that too? Ask them and make sure you establish and maintain personal boundaries for yourself.



KingofKaboom
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09 Jan 2014, 7:49 pm

I have trouble following my own boundaries... Heck she once asked where I put my "stuff" after I fap. I was just "uh uh uhhhh uhhh uhm uhhh..." I didn't really want to answer that and never expected so personal a question to come up. She's NT and has a good group of friends and has had a long term relationship and plans this one to be long term too. I doubt I'll ever get any chance with her but this doesn't seem like something people ask others.


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leafplant
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09 Jan 2014, 7:55 pm

KingofKaboom wrote:
I have trouble following my own boundaries... Heck she once asked where I put my "stuff" after I fap. I was just "uh uh uhhhh uhhh uhm uhhh..." I didn't really want to answer that and never expected so personal a question to come up. She's NT and has a good group of friends and has had a long term relationship and plans this one to be long term too. I doubt I'll ever get any chance with her but this doesn't seem like something people ask others.


haha..omg that really is a bit much. Did you at least ask WHY she was asking all these questions. Sounds like she was checking whether she wants to have sex with you. Either that or just being aspie level inappropriate. I mean, it's a kind of question I do wonder about sometimes (you read such an awful lot and see stuff on tv etc.) so I'd be curious, but at the same time too grossed out to think about it too much or ask someone. I think I asked my ex about it and even he felt awkward answering even though we were completely intimate at that point. haha..still..I kinda like crazy people

Anyway, as far as you is concerned, you have to sit down and think about what feels right to you and what doesn't feel right to you and stick to that no matter how cute the girl is.



KingofKaboom
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09 Jan 2014, 8:02 pm

leafplant wrote:
KingofKaboom wrote:
I have trouble following my own boundaries... Heck she once asked where I put my "stuff" after I fap. I was just "uh uh uhhhh uhhh uhm uhhh..." I didn't really want to answer that and never expected so personal a question to come up. She's NT and has a good group of friends and has had a long term relationship and plans this one to be long term too. I doubt I'll ever get any chance with her but this doesn't seem like something people ask others.


haha..omg that really is a bit much. Did you at least ask WHY she was asking all these questions. Sounds like she was checking whether she wants to have sex with you. Either that or just being aspie level inappropriate. I mean, it's a kind of question I do wonder about sometimes (you read such an awful lot and see stuff on tv etc.) so I'd be curious, but at the same time too grossed out to think about it too much or ask someone. I think I asked my ex about it and even he felt awkward answering even though we were completely intimate at that point. haha..still..I kinda like crazy people

Anyway, as far as you is concerned, you have to sit down and think about what feels right to you and what doesn't feel right to you and stick to that no matter how cute the girl is.
We're online friends if it makes any difference... I'm trying to decide if I really want to be friends after getting a rejection I could understand. My aspie made me very literal so I didn't get the first one and she just kept letting me like her knowing I did. Maybe she does ask inappropriate things and I know I can come off as a perv but I always stop if it annoys them. It's just I want to decide if she ever did consider me and if it's worth the wait to see how her relationships turn out because no matter the situation it will be a long time before I can move near her. I will say for a long time she wanted me to move near her, until this new guy came up then she said I should try Colorado instead. She'd always wanted me moving close to her instead. She's planned two years with this guy a whole year in Europe backpacking together alone. I honestly don't see any chance anytime soon and don't plan to wait on her. But for the longest time I got the feeling she liked me. If it's all gone then I don't want to be her friend as much as I like having friends and have so few I don't want to think there is a chance when there never will be.


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Willard
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09 Jan 2014, 8:16 pm

KingofKaboom wrote:
for a long time she wanted me to move near her, until this new guy came up then she said I should try Colorado instead. She'd always wanted me moving close to her instead. She's planned two years with this guy a whole year in Europe backpacking together alone.


Unless you enjoy being humiliated and heartbroken, I strongly suggest you abandon all thoughts of any kind of intimate relationship with this girl and move on with your life.

I have lived through the very scenario you are describing. Being teased and led on for over a year, told that she wanted me to move hundreds of miles to live with her, indicating (I thought) she was interested in a serious relationship. I packed up everything I owned moved three states away, stayed with her for three days, while I found a job. Came home from my first night's work to find her drinking in the living room with some guy with a motorcycle. After enduring an hour of excruciatingly uncomfortable banality, finally she gets up to call it a night and says "You ready for bed?" Before I can answer, the two of them waltz off into the other room and close the door. I'd have got in my car and left right then and there, but all my stuff was still in her bedroom. So I spent the night on a wicker loveseat waiting for my property so I could drive home and look like a tool to my family. :oops:

Run, Forrest, run.



KingofKaboom
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09 Jan 2014, 9:19 pm

Willard wrote:
KingofKaboom wrote:
for a long time she wanted me to move near her, until this new guy came up then she said I should try Colorado instead. She'd always wanted me moving close to her instead. She's planned two years with this guy a whole year in Europe backpacking together alone.


Unless you enjoy being humiliated and heartbroken, I strongly suggest you abandon all thoughts of any kind of intimate relationship with this girl and move on with your life.

I have lived through the very scenario you are describing. Being teased and led on for over a year, told that she wanted me to move hundreds of miles to live with her, indicating (I thought) she was interested in a serious relationship. I packed up everything I owned moved three states away, stayed with her for three days, while I found a job. Came home from my first night's work to find her drinking in the living room with some guy with a motorcycle. After enduring an hour of excruciatingly uncomfortable banality, finally she gets up to call it a night and says "You ready for bed?" Before I can answer, the two of them waltz off into the other room and close the door. I'd have got in my car and left right then and there, but all my stuff was still in her bedroom. So I spent the night on a wicker loveseat waiting for my property so I could drive home and look like a tool to my family. :oops:

Run, Forrest, run.
So what do you think I should do about her still wanting to be friends? She says she cares about me and is angry with me for mean things I said. I stopped spamming for two days because I didn't understand the situation like I should have. It's gone down the rabbit hole now.


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