Odd situation and I am confused

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I had been hanging out with a guy for 5 months and although I have had not feelings for him I think he is a cool friend. I had noticed that he had been trying to give off hints that he wanted to date me by taking me out to dinner, attempting to hold my hand, snuggle with me and say things like "I love you" even though I did not want to date. I made it clear to him that I am not interested period. We both decided to hang out as a brother and sister situation and have been doing that for a while. Lately though I noticed that he has seemed to brush me off the last few times in terms of getting together. "I have plans with this person or that person sorry."

He called me yesterday morning after 10:45 when I was at my congregation getting ready for services. I picked up the phone and said hello assuming that he might want to hang out. Instead, he called to talk to me after claiming that no one else was seeming to pick up their phones or was reachable the night before. Yet I noticed that he did not bother to try and reach me the night before either. Anyway, he supposedly had a family member of his sticking their nose in his business about a choice that he was making. I said that I was sorry to hear that and invited him to a carnival at my congregation later that day and I was again brushed off with how he had made plans with someone else. I then said that I really could not talk because I was getting ready for services.

The conversation after that went like this

Me: "I really can't talk right now. I have services at 11:00."
Him: "We'll talk later."
Me: " I will be busy all day and then I am going to go home and rest right after."
Him: "It helped that I got to talk to you for a little while bye."

We hung up and I had somewhat of an icky feeling.

He's upset because you are rebuffing him. He wants the relationship to be sexual. In my opinion, when this happens the relationship either becomes sexual or it's over. Friendship can't be sustained when the two people aren't on the same page.

I agree with Ann, that he wanted more than friendship, and because you've made it clear that's not what you want, it's changed the friendship for him and he's doing things like blowing off spend time with you now.

Sometimes rebuffing someone can be taken in good nature and the friendship may go on -- I've had that happen.

But a lot of times the person does indeed lose interest in the friendship either right away of fading away. He might still use you to talk to if he's bored, as it seemed with that phone call when "nobody else was picking up their phone", but it looks like he can't sustain interest in a platonic friendship with you now that he knows he's not going to get anywhere with the more intimate advances.

.

Having been in this type of situation before as the guy, and knowing I wanted the friend badly enough for a relationship or sex and she didn't want that, the best thing to do in a social sense is to just fade out. It might be easier to sustain friendship later on if done respectfully as well. And yes, if me and that friend aren't on the same page, we usually stop communicating. That just seems more respectful as well as saying something like "Wish you the best moving forward."

Be warned though... this guy's frustration that you don't want more may come out. If your friendship with him didn't end before that point, the frustration coming out probably will.

This is what also confuses me. Last month he purchased a pass for me to attend an anime convention which will be happening in May. He also came over to my house and we did a movie night with some other friends of mine and he seemed fine there. So I am baffled at to why he is suddenly fading out on me now.

he has given up on getting you to date him. it is frustrating that he wants more and you only want to be friends. he cares about you and doesn't want to feel bad for dumping you as a friend because you won't be sexual with him. he is trying to save face while separating himself from you emotionally, for his on protection. it sucks spending a lot of time with someone you have a crush on but they aren't interested.

I know what's it's like to spend time with someone who just wants to be friends and you like them. I have been there. I don't mind him losing his interest in me. What annoys me is the fact that he called me up because he just wanted something and that he could not call me last night.

The part that baffles me is that he doesn't come out and says what he feels OP. At least that way he will know for sure and he can decide what course he wants to go instead of trying to pussyfoot his way around the issue.

But of course, that is also me making the assumption that this really is about him wanting to date you given the details of the posts.

I just feel that in the back of my mind that he just isn't so good for me and I felt that way yesterday after getting off the phone with him.

If you're having that feeling about him, that's a good sign to trust. Whenever someone gives you a not-great feeling about yourself or about them after contact with them, you might be better off spending less time in touch with them, or even just letting them drift out of your life.

I think this guy isn't a real friend after all, so best to cut him loose.

It sounds to me like he thinks you are dating.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

Olive Oil Mom:

That's just it. He would never admit the truth to me. Instead, he would call me his bestie of big sister. This was while he was trying to do the other moves which made me feel uncomfortable.