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Blondstrom
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08 Jul 2012, 6:43 am

^ Jakob, I like it. It's a good start you've got.

I guess I can post this here? I wrote it last night... it could use some tweaking, but I just thought I'd share it.

Anika, mon amour

Her wistful eyes and her soft, rose lips
a soul, alone, the yearn for that forgotten poem
Delicate like a flower, she flounders within her own mind

The need to be loved by not just anyone is filling her on empty
I see the hope as it dwindles past to almost just a fear of the unknown
The fear, it festers and fills her thoughts; breaking her dreams in two

I love her so deeply, yet she doesn't see me; I'm buried underneath these words
Our souls share a vibe and I want it to thrive, but alas, it's not to be
Romanticism runs deep, but the tragic is so meek that it layers thick and steep

My wish is ungranted, our lives left apart but joy! We are still in tune
Her wisdom's my pleasure, I wish it forever and I sing her song to the moon
So gentle in life, understanding and pure - despite her flaws a plenty

If only to save her, my heart's greatest favour and I shall ask of nothing more
For I'm still enamoured and I would likely just stammer; nothing more shall leave these lips
The silence, a blessing and my eyes will grow sightless, for her beauty eclipses all sight

And I will be fine, just laying this rhyme for all but her to see.


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EnglishJess
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08 Jul 2012, 9:10 am

So I thought I'd post another song, based on my experiences. I actually worte this before the other one, but I thought I'd post it anyway. Beware of repetition, though.

So here is Sympathy

You're only sorry cause you don't want to get hurt
You're only sorry cause you want some sympathy
You say you're sorry cause you think it'll be alright
But instead you end up crying upstairs all night

You're only sorry cause you don't want to miss out
You're only sorry cause you want it forgotten now
Well it won't work but still you try and try and try
Although sometimes it makes you really wonder why

You've got your heart set on a healthy bit of love
You've got your heart set on some love and sympathy
You know that it's not good to feel really bad
But everyone leaves you feeling really sad

You've got your heart set on a healthy bit of love
You're really wanting lots of love and sympathy
But now just look at the state you're in
You feel as thought you've lost everything and so

You're only sorry cause you want some sypmathy-y
You're only sorry cause you want some sypmathy-y
You say you're sorry cause you think it'll be alright
But instead you end up crying upstairs all night

You're only sorry cause you don't want to get hurt
You're only sorry cause you want some sympathy
You say you're sorry cause you think it'll be alright
But instead you end up crying upstairs all night

You really feel like you just want to get away
cause all you wanted was some get some sympathy
But all you can do is relieve yourself of hate
With heavy rock - your idea of escape

You really feel like you just want to get away
Cause all you wanted was to get some sympathy
But there's no other way no place to go
Only your own mind, so still stuck at home and so

You're only sorry cause you want some sypmathy-y
You're only sorry cause you want some sypmathy-y
You say you'e sorry cause you think it'll be alright
But instead you end up crying upstairs all night

You're only sorry cause you don't want to get hurt
You're only sorry cause you want some sympathy
You say you're sorry cause you think it'll be alright
But instead you end up crying upstairs all night

I'm only sorry cause I don't want to get hurt
I'm only sorry cause I want some sympathy
I say I'm sorry cause I think it'll be alright
But instead I end up crying upstairs all night

I'm only sorry cause I don't want to get hurt
I'm only sorry cause I want some sympathy
You throw me down expecting me to give up then
But instead I just bounce right back up again

I'm only sorrycause I want some sympathy-y
I'm only sorry cause I want some sympathy-y
I say I'm sorry cause I think it'll be alright
but instead I end up cryin upstairs all night

I'm only sorry cause I don't want to get hurt
I'm only sorry cause I want some sympathy
I say I'm sorry cause I think it'll be alright
But instead I end up crying upstairs all night

I'm only sorry cause I don't want to get hurt
I'm only sorry cause I want some sympathy
I say I'm sorry cause I think it'll be alright
But instead I end up crying upstairs all night

Crying upstairs all night
Crying upstairs all night
Crying upstairs all night
Crying upstairs all night

Cause I want some sympathy.



minotaurheadcheese
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08 Jul 2012, 7:32 pm

I've been working on a novel for a long time, but never have anyone unbiased to provide feedback. If anyone's interested, you can find a few pages of it here. I can also post more if desired.

http://thelonelands.wordpress.com/2012/ ... y-novel-4/


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TeaEarlGreyHot
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09 Jul 2012, 6:26 pm

Life

So fleeting
So precious
Held close to the breast
As it claws at your heart
And caresses your cheek
Calming yet chaotic


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EnglishJess
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11 Jul 2012, 4:09 am

This is just a first verse of a song I don't have a name for yet, but I wanted to share it because it shows how I feel.

Have you forgotten someone?
Yes, have you forgotten me?
I'm sure that you will remember
if I told you directly, but oh
I was too shy
But I want you to make my day,
Put your arm around my shoulder,
And take the sad away.



minotaurheadcheese
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14 Jul 2012, 10:58 pm

A song I wrote as part of the fantasy novel I've been working on for several years. It has a melody in my head, but no matter.

The ruts in the West road run deep, deep,
As deep as the blood in my veins
But in springtime, my joy melts away all my sorrow,
And they all wash away with the rain

The limbs of the oak tree reach high, high
As nearer the sunlight they grow
But the roots lie in earth that is deep as a mountain
And I find home wherever I go

The rushing young river flows fast, fast
As fast as the short day is gone
But as rivers entwine and flow down to the ocean,
I'm not leaving, I'm just moving on


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"And there are days when I would be away . . . Oh, wherever men of my sort used to go, long ago. Wandering on paths that other men have not seen. Behind the sky. On the other side of the rain." -Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell


AlexDSSF
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15 Jul 2012, 12:27 am

Hey, everyone. I haven't been to WP in a while. I've been busy with school and job-hunting and working on my first novel. I wanted to self-publish it, but self-publishing packages are expensive, even at their cheapest. I tried finding an agent, but I received over a dozen rejections. So, months after completing my manuscript, I decided to post it all online. Hopefully, someone will discover me that way.

My first novel is called SAINT GRAZIANO THE GOOD, and you can find it @ http://saintgrazianothegood.wordpress.com



i_Am_andaJoy
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15 Jul 2012, 9:34 pm

@AlexDSSF- I have not done it myself, but you can self publish for free on amazon.com, so you might want to check that out too!

I find it hard to stay motivated with writing, this is because when I write, I want people to basically just tell me how wonderful it is... but I've been thinking I need to find some kind of writer's group, so that I could stay motivated. Hopefully other writers could give criticism and suggestion nicely.

I will have to go through this thread properly, looks like there are some people with novels in progress. Maybe we could help each other out. Read everyone's stuff once a month and give comments or something.


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BrandonSP
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16 Jul 2012, 7:17 pm

Another fantasy story's first chapter. This one's supposed to have a Stone Age tribal setting.

Quote:
Garbhan had finally arrived in Isihlamba, the new homeland he would fight to live in. Sweat beaded his lean white muscles and soaked his fur tunic as he helped row his warband’s coracle up the Umfula River. This country’s heat contrasted with the icy winds swirling across his native Sliabh, but better to endure a little warmth than starve on that tundra. Mere gazing around the place already showed Garbhan its natural wealth. Papyrus reeds lined the riverbanks while hippopotamuses, crocodiles, and waterfowl frolicked in the water. An innumerable variety of fish, none of which Garbhan had ever seen before, drifted or dashed underneath the river’s surface. Colorful flocks of birds speckled the emerald crowns of sycamore fig trees.

“No one would ever go hungry living here,” Garbhan said.

“Thanks for stating the obvious, Tiger Bait,” Fearghus said. He shared Garbhan’s yellow hair and blue eyes, as all Sliabhans did, but he had a broader chest and thicker musculature.

Garbhan’s face burned red. “Why must you always speak to me like that? Do it again and I’ll shove you into the river!”

The rest of the warband snickered, but Fearghus’s laugh boomed. “Ha, you’ll have enough strength in your dreams!”

“For Thunder’s sake, both of you cut it out once and for all!” Saran said. His horned helmet and braided beard showed him as the band’s elected Warchief. “Fearghus, please don’t bring up that tiger hunt ever again. Many winters have passed since then. Garbhan’s a man now whether you like it or not.”

“Would you rather I use his earlier nickname?” Fearghus asked.

The Late Speaker, Garbhan remembered. It referred to his not being able to speak until he had seen five winters since birth. “No, you may not!” he said. “Honestly, that one was even worse!”

“No one insults each other in my band as long as I’m Warchief, understand?” Saran said. “If we want to earn our homes in this new land, we must fight together, and that means getting along with each other. Put your boyish bickering behind!”

Fearghus glared at Garbhan and muttered unintelligible curses under his breath. Garbhan jerked his head away from him and continued rowing.

Elephant’s skulls hung from poles standing on opposites sides of the river. Both of these displays marked the border of Tembo, one of the Isihlamban kingdoms. Once the Sliabhans rowed their coracle passed the banners, the copses of fig trees along the river gave way to mud huts with thatched roofs. These buildings would have dwarfed the stick lean-tos Shliabhans used for shelter back in their native country. Native villagers raced from the huts and crowded together to stare at the alien white visitors who had entered their country.

The incredulity was mutual between the two races. Unlike the Sliabhans, who covered themselves with tunics, the Isihlambans wore only hide loincloths on their lithe and black bodies, and the children had nothing at all. For all their nakedness, the Isihlambans decorated themselves with jewelry made from gold, animal fangs, and shiny stones, and many had feathers sticking out of their woolly hair.

Garbhan shuddered inside. His warband had come to help them yet only Thunder knew what fate lay in store for him if he or his peers somehow offended people from such an unfamiliar culture. If that happened, fighting them off would only land him in deeper trouble.

The Sliabhans beached the coracle and disembarked. The Isihlamban crowd stepped back as they approached.

“Do not fear us, people of Tembo, for we arrive in peace,” Saran announced in the traders’ language. “As a matter of fact, we have come to help defend your land. Please take us to your leader.”

“No need for that,” a voice replied from the audience. “I’m already here.”

The Isihlamban people parted to reveal a young woman crowned with ostrich plumes. Her slender curves, colored like a moonless midnight, shone brighter than her gold ornaments. As she strutted towards the Shliabhan warband, she glanced at Garbhan and curved her luscious lips into a smile.

Please let her be smiling at me, he thought.

“Khanyisile, Queen of Tembo, does condescend to you,” the woman said. “Welcome to the land of Isihlamba. I understand you men of Sliabh have come to help us fend off our enemies?”

Saran knelt before Khanyisile while the rest of the warband prostrated. “Indeed we have,” he said. “Our original country has grown cold and barren, so we come to your fine kingdom seeking new lives. I trust your generosity will let us join your people as long as we serve them.”

“Ah, no service is strictly necessary for you to enter our community, but we do greatly appreciate your coming to our aid in this time of need. Nonetheless, I imagine you must have tired while rowing that boat here all the way from Sliabh. A welcoming feast shall be in order for your rest and pleasure.”
#

Firelight and villagers’ shadows danced on the huts’ walls to drums and singing. Game roasting on a spit spread its aroma across the village’s central plaza. Queen Khanyisile presided over this procession in front of her large hut, flanked on both sides by her council of elders, whereas the Shliabhan warriors dined and chattered with the regular Isihlambans---except for Garbhan. He could not take his eyes off the Queen.

“Why are you gawking at her like that?” Fearghus asked. “You’ll creep her out.”

“She smiled at me earlier,” Garbhan said. “I think she likes me.”

Fearghus snorted. “She only meant to be polite. Or do you seriously think she’d feel for a total stranger like any of us, let alone you?”

“She could still find me attractive.”

“Ha! If anything, a scrawny bloke like you would look even uglier to her than most white men.”

“Fearghus has a point, I’m afraid,” Saran said. “Even if she did like your looks, she’s still royalty. Ordinary warriors like us would have no chance with her.”

Garbhan pouted. “Even so, I can’t simply ignore her. Better to try her once.”

He turned away in Khanyisile’s direction, but Saran grabbed him by the shoulder. “Please, for Thunder’s love, don’t make a fool of yourself,” Saran said. “You’ll only make yourself look even sillier in front of the whole warband.”

Garbhan yanked himself free of Saran and swaggered across the plaza towards the Queen, a toothy beam across his face. All eyes in the crowd followed him, with people either murmuring or snickering.

“Good evening, Your Luminous Majesty,” Garbhan said. He bowed before Khanyisile. “Call me Garbhan, and I must admit I did not expect the ruler of Tembo to be a woman with such unrivaled beauty. Love herself would envy you.”

“Why thank you, Garbhan!” Khanyisile said. “Is there something I could help you with?”

“Well, I, uh…are you in need of a consort? You know, like a husband?”

Khanyisile giggled. “I would indeed appreciate one, but so far no man has dared approach me. Most don’t consider themselves worthy of a Queen.”

“I reckon you must feel lonely then.” Garbhan got down on one knee. “Your Luminous Majesty…will you kindly consider me for a consort?”

The drums and singing halted. Everyone gasped.

“What? Are you asking me to marry you?” Khanyisile asked.

Garbhan nodded. His body trembled. “Is it because I’m white?”

“Oh, no, it has nothing to do with that. It’s simply that…frankly, I do find you rather handsome, but I am a Queen and you are a simple warrior. You couldn’t afford my hand in marriage.”

“What do you mean, I couldn’t afford you? Do I need to pay you to marry me?”

“Yes, actually; in our culture, men must pay women a token of their love when proposing, and the exact payment depends on the woman’s standing.”

“Well then, what could a ‘simple warrior’ like me give you?”

The Queen hesitated and sighed. “I have an idea, but first I must explain while you’ll fight against in the coming war. Our enemy is King Njabulo of Chui, who aspires to terrorize all Isihlamba into submission. Slay the brute and bring his heart on a stick to me, and you shall have my hand.”

Garbhan’s blood chilled. “How much has this Njabulo already conquered?”

“Oh, he already has half of the Isihlamban kingdoms under his fist. They say he has a rhinoceros’s strength in his arms alone. I would pray to my ancestors if I had to hunt him down myself.”

“We Shliabhans pray to Thunder, but yes, I will slay him,” Garbhan pounded a fist against his palm. “I shall club him to death even if I must kill myself in the process!”

He returned to the rest of his warband, who all stared at him.

“Have you gone mad, Tiger Bait?” Fearghus said. “You couldn’t even kill a rat if your life depended on it!”

“Seriously, Garbhan, you really need to reconsider this,” Saran said. “We will all fight Njabulo’s forces, but don’t think you of all men can tackle him alone.”

“I can still try,” Garbhan said. “Besides, I need to prove my manhood somehow. I won’t live the rest of my life known as Tiger Bait!”

“Well if your little stunt backfires, you’ll die known as the Later Speaker,” Fearghus said.

Garbhan stormed away from the feast and sat underneath a fig tree all by himself. He had suffered enough. No longer would people remember him as the man who couldn’t speak until his fifth winter. Neither would they remember him as bait for a tiger hunt. No, they would know him as the slayer of Njabulo and the consort of Queen Khanyisile. He would not end his life the way it had begun.


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EnglishJess
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21 Jul 2012, 5:56 am

This is about something that happend a while ago now, around the end of last November.

I have something to say
I have something to lose
I'm sorry but I can't see
What it's like in your shoes
You stole me easily there
You seemed to really care
But for me seeing IS believing

I didn't mean to be mean
Well now I've learnt
That saying no offense
Doesn't always work
Like some precious vase
You looked after me well
We had good times, but then I changed everything

I didn't mean what I said
But cause of one small crack
Just cause of one small flaw
You had to put me back
And forget about me
And how you made me smile
I guess you put things behind you
In such a short while

You said that we'd just be friends
Gave me the thought it wouldn't end
But soon after you stopped
Talking to me again
Oh sure, you say "hi"
Well why not say goodbye?
Then that will make it deinate

The stuff you got for me
Made me feel so glad
You helped me through a time
When I was really sad
We had our own little game
But now it's not the same
It's as if it never was

I didn't mean what I said
But cause of one small crack
Just cause of one small flaw
You had to put me back
And forget about me
And how you made me smile
I guess you put things behind you
In such a short while

You didn't even give me another chance
You didn't even say "I like you in spite of that"
I wasn't sure if I wanted you or not
But it was clear you wanted me
But as soon as you see something you don't like
You change your mind so easily

I didn't mean what I said
But cause of one small crack
Just cause of one small flaw
You had to put me back
And forget about me
And how you made me smile
I guess you put things behind you
In such a short while

I didn't mean what I said
But cause of one small crack
Just cause of one small flaw
You had to put me back
You forgot about
Forgot about those days
Do you really want me
to go away?

I didn't mean what I said
But cause of one small crack
Just cause of one small flaw
You had to put me back
So just forget about me
Because something tells
Me that you've moved on
Well, I've moved on as well.



puddingmouse
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21 Jul 2012, 4:43 pm

bird sends chirps
through sky an out breath
in zazen


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Tiranasta
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30 Jul 2012, 4:52 pm

This is a Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles fan fiction that I've been working on.



JakobVirgil
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31 Jul 2012, 7:03 pm

like shouting down a rain barrel here is the first nine chapters of my novel only I will read.

[[The man in the unicorn suit]][img][600:600]http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8zVQZjdV27s/T2scJgggX3I/AAAAAAAAAnY/e8bci2fRWNM/s1600/beth-aven-thechariot.jpg[/img]


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We must not buy their fruits:
Who knows upon what soil they fed
Their hungry thirsty roots??

http://jakobvirgil.blogspot.com/


Guppy
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02 Aug 2012, 10:30 pm

Would be happy to show off something I've written... but it's all in Swedish. Awh.



JakobVirgil
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05 Aug 2012, 7:38 pm

Guppy wrote:
Would be happy to show off something I've written... but it's all in Swedish. Awh.


Jag är intresserad.


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?We must not look at goblin men,
We must not buy their fruits:
Who knows upon what soil they fed
Their hungry thirsty roots??

http://jakobvirgil.blogspot.com/


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