Is Aspergers an excuse for bad behavior?



Page 5 of 5 [ 71 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5
Page:


Should AS be an excuse for bad behavior?
Yes 9%  9%  [ 24 ]
Yes 10%  10%  [ 26 ]
no 36%  36%  [ 94 ]
no 45%  45%  [ 116 ]
Total votes : 260

Charloz
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2014 7:00 pm
Posts: 234

Sun Sep 14, 2014 5:20 am

Zabriski wrote:
Should kids in class be excused from insulting someone or throwing a fit because of AS syndrome?


No, never.

You can make a mistake once and be told not to do it anymore; you learn from this. Attaching consequences to your actions ensures you learn proper, acceptable behaviour. Not attaching consequence to misbehaving does nothing to solve the problem.

Yes I have AS, yes I am not entirely normal. But it doesn't mean I get to throw tantrums and cry and act like a little b***h because of it. It never did and it never will. Yes I am on the spectrum but it doesn't make me a toddler, so there's no excuse for me acting like one. And neither should anybody else. It's called self-control and Asperger's isn't an excuse for lacking it.



Mainichi
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: Sat Aug 08, 2009 7:00 pm
Posts: 457
Location: Texas

Sun Sep 14, 2014 12:16 pm

Wandering_Stranger wrote:
I do know someone who blames his Autism (as well as me :x ) for his behaviour. He's high functioning enough to know right from wrong.



I also know a guy like this as well. He is 21 and acts like he is around 9-12 year old range. He never wants to get a Job Ever, He thinks he is
"to handicap to work", which he can. He is very high functioning with high IQ and no learning disabilities at all. He demands that one his brother or sister should have to take him to live with them after his parents are no longer able to do so. I've talked to his younger brother a lot
about how he grew up. He was never ever punished as a kid or teenager. He has very poor hygiene and his room he shares is a total mess. He treats family and others like crap and if the cross him or tell him what to do. He also has a personality disorder but I forget which one its one the ones in cluster c (avoidant I think) mixed in with Narcissistic personality or Histrionic one.



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Thu Jan 06, 2011 7:00 pm
Posts: 18390
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

Mon Sep 15, 2014 3:54 am

Zabriski wrote:
Should kids in class be excused from insulting someone or throwing a fit because of AS syndrome?


Well AS does not cause people with it to insult people or throw fits..if they know they are doing something wrong and do it anyways then no I don't think AS can be an excuse. Now if its something like they finally insulted someone who's been picking on them initially then I don't really think they should be punished or if they say something not meant offensively that the other person takes that way...but if they are provoking it and insulting and picking on people on purpose then its no excuse.

Also with the fit thing, autistic people can have melt-downs due to being overwhelmed and it can look like 'throwing a fit' but its not quite the same thing.


_________________
Winter is coming.


skibum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Thu Jul 18, 2013 7:00 pm
Posts: 4339
Location: my own little world

Mon Sep 15, 2014 5:02 am

Zabriski wrote:
Should kids in class be excused from insulting someone or throwing a fit because of AS syndrome?
Insulting someone, no. Even kids on the Spectrum need to be taught not to insult. You don't have to punish them severely but you need to guide them and teach them. As far as a fit, it depends on the fit. If it is a response to sensory overload, than the child needs to be redirected to a place where he can calm down and be away from sensory input. If he is being a spoiled brat, than no there is no excuse and he should be corrected.


_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph


naturalplastic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Thu Aug 26, 2010 7:00 pm
Posts: 8176
Location: mid atlantic coast usa

Mon Sep 15, 2014 8:01 am

Is aspergers an excuse for asking stupid questions like "is aspergers and excuse for bad behavior?". In my excuse aspies stand out as being better behaved than NT kids so why would it be an excuse for "bad behavior"?



Statto
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: Sun Sep 07, 2014 7:00 pm
Posts: 68
Location: UK

Mon Sep 15, 2014 8:56 am

I'm NT with two ASD children. I'm still not 100% sure on the protocol for these sorts of threads so I hope no one minds me offering my view, but I'll explain how it's ended up working with my two, my son being the main example as the elder of the two.

It's never been an acceptable excuse for bad behaviour but of course it could be the reason. It must also bring with it understanding though. I don't include red mists/melt downs in that as they are a completely different thing and in my view a separate discussion altogether.

Because we've learned how to support my children as we've gone along, at times we have encountered bad behaviour and sometimes not until long after the fact had we understood it was down to an ASD behaviour. Before diagnosis it was far worse of course with endless battles with my son over what clothes to wear always being what sticks in my mind as something I'd love a do over on.

Soon after diagnosis we learned that whilst my son son lacked the intuition around certain behaviours he could be taught the right behaviour. That might be obvious now but it wasn't 6 years ago, we were literally given no information to work with. So when he displayed inappropriate (which is a better word than bad as that implies intent) behaviour we'd explain the issue and what the right behaviour should be. If appropriate we'd put a rule in place, which may or may not include a future consequence/sanction. He'd then get some slack on any repeat so any misunderstanding could be clarified. However once he understood that was that. We have always held him to the same standards we would have done had he not been ASD and to a large degree it has worked well for him.

We still struggle around some areas, social media is a particularly fun subject right now. He's struggling to understand the moralities of what you can and cannot write to someone, regardless of how just you think you are. In fairness as much of that is us struggling to articulate the rationals. So as things stand he's just having to take our word for it, which none of us are all that happy about.

The school has also worked well with us all on it. We've had a great dialogue and have been very consistent with setting rules and expectations. If anything they were making too many allowances and we had to make them toughen up. Even my son agreed and he told them that as they always gave him a warning, he'd always use it before behaving himself. That's my boy!

In fact he's gone from throwing chairs at teachers in his first year of secondary school to being made House Captain heading into his exam year. He's not a token appointment either as he was judged by the same standards as everyone else, I wouldn't have allowed any different. I can't hide my pride though. Mind you he came very close to losing it in the first week of his tenure, but that's another story. The trick for my son was not accepting the bad behaviour but understanding it. I'm glad to say the school bought into that with us and it has been a delight to be honest.

We are just starting the same process with my daughter, so I'm hoping it goes nearly as well. They are very different though so we know the exact same approach may not work but at least this time we have a starting point. Sorry, that became a long answer to a simple question but I thought it may be interesting with regards to,how we approached it as parents. Or maybe not.

I'm open to constructive critique also. :)



skibum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Thu Jul 18, 2013 7:00 pm
Posts: 4339
Location: my own little world

Mon Sep 15, 2014 9:40 am

Statto, this is a really great post you wrote. Thank you for sharing how you help your children. We can learn a lot from this. One question though, you wrote "I don't include red mists/melt downs in that as they are a completely different thing and in my view a separate discussion altogether." What are "red mists"? I have never heard that term before.


_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph


Statto
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: Sun Sep 07, 2014 7:00 pm
Posts: 68
Location: UK

Mon Sep 15, 2014 1:20 pm

skibum wrote:
Statto, this is a really great post you wrote. Thank you for sharing how you help your children. We can learn a lot from this. One question though, you wrote "I don't include red mists/melt downs in that as they are a completely different thing and in my view a separate discussion altogether." What are "red mists"? I have never heard that term before.

Thanks I appreciate the reply. What I have loved about this site since I joined a short while ago is that I have learned so much. I came here looking for answers on a couple of specifics but stayed around having realised I have so much more to learn, even on issues I thought I had cracked. If I can help anyone else on here, in any way, even better.

Red mists are what we've always called the melt downs. It's not a term we came up with but I have heard it quite a lot over here. It's always fitted well as during his melt downs my son pretty much zones out and often does not recall what he did. So it was always like an angry red mist descended upon his mind. That was always how I saw the analogy.

I see it as different because his actions were always involuntary and certainly not deliberate. The key haas always been recognising the potential triggers and the warning signs in his own behaviour and him learning the same. It's been successful but took a long time to figure out. We still have the odd one but he can mostly mange it himself now. I certainly have never considered it bad behaviour even if his actions were less than good. He's never been punished for a red mist, well not since we understood anyway. :?

I hope that explains it but feel free to ask if you need/want any more clarity.



skibum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Thu Jul 18, 2013 7:00 pm
Posts: 4339
Location: my own little world

Mon Sep 15, 2014 1:38 pm

Thank you for explaining. I like the term "red mists." It sounds more mysterious and cool rather than meltdowns! :D

You and your spouse seem to be doing a fantastic job with your kids. It is so good to hear about great parenting especially when there are so many parents who are not so good at it and can end up causing damage.


_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph


Statto
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: Sun Sep 07, 2014 7:00 pm
Posts: 68
Location: UK

Mon Sep 15, 2014 3:07 pm

We have made plenty of mistakes and will do again I am sure, I'm just not ready to admit to them yet :lol: It certainly didn't come together overnight. I had to retire early due to my own health and in many ways it helped by giving me more time with the kids and allowing me time to learn more. It hasn't helped with my daughters anxiety, but that's another discussion.

I think the key is that we work on it all as a team. We try and emphasise that whatever happens we will always back them and we're also up front that we know we won't get it right 100% of the time. The only thing we can guarantee is that every decision we make it will be in the belief it is the right one for them. I feel it is important that they trust us so that they know if we do the wrong thing, which we do sometimes, it is always for the right reason.

I like red mist too, but the Kick Ass Comics/Movie stole the name... :wink:



babybird
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Fri Nov 11, 2011 7:00 pm
Posts: 39329
Location: Top deck of the funny bus....blowing bubbles

Mon Sep 15, 2014 3:20 pm

No!


_________________
I can't say that I have ever shat on my own doorstep.

Woof Woof! Cheep Cheep!


Display posts from previous:  Sort by  


Page 5 of 5 [ 71 posts ] Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5
Page:




You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum
Jump to: