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I just told my father-in-law that he might be an Aspie...

Do you think that this is the wrong thing to do, and that people should be left to discover that sort of thing for themself?

I don't think there's any harm in it. He'll have to decide for himself whether or not it is true.

Thanks for replying.

He's not angry with me. He can't identify himself with what I've said because he thinks of 'rainman' when he thinks of autism- so no harm done.

I thought that he would be angry. That's why I called this thread 'whoops.'

I also would rather know. My husband took the Aspie test, and he scored that he had aspie traits as well as neuro typical ones.

Whenever I read wrong planet I recognise myself in all sorts of Aspie things, but when I took the test I was neurotypical.

One of the reasons why my husband hates the word Aspergers is because in the dutch language the word means 'asparagus.' He sees words very visually, so to him it's like saying Asparagus syndrome.

My husband's father is a retired French horn-player in an orchestra. He's very intelligent but also a very difficult person. I think that people have just put his demeanor down to artistic temperament.
We get on fine, because I have, to some extent, learnt parts of the (metaphorical) instruction manual of how to interact with him.

I love my husband and children, and I realise that it's those very Aspie traits that I appreciate in their individuality. I don't see Aspergers as something to be ashamed of.
When I thought that my father-in-law might be angry, I wondered whether it was ethically ok for me to have said something-especially as I'm no expert, because he's in his seventies and I don't know how he'd take it (if it were true/possible.)

That's good that he's not angry with you

I don't think you did anything wrong

I didn't get diagnosed till I was 18, and then it was only becuase my family had looked into it and suggested to me that I might have it. If they hadn't, I'd have never been assessed or found out what was different about me

People shouldn't be "told" that they have it, if they insist they don't, but what you did wasn't wrong IMO.

Most experts (as in general doctors, professionals etc) don't know anything about ASDs unless they specialise in that area, so if it was only left to the experts, half of us would never have even found out we had AS

You did nothing wrong as far as I can see

I wish someone had told me when I was an adolescent, instead of waiting until having an adolescent child to find out.

If I'm not mistaken, there's no real treatment for Aspergers (apart from recommended social skills training.)

I think that the main reason why it might be beneficial to know, is so that one can be kind to onesself, instead of trying to emulate the NT world. Embarking on a process of self-discovery earlier, rather than later might help.

I'd love to be able to make laws where people could adapt work/school environments to being Autistic-friendly places.

I'm not sure how much real support people like my father-in-law/children will need in the future, and what things can be done now to improve their prospects for enjoying the rest of their lives.

Here where I live (in the UK) there aren't many services for adults with AS. It would be great if the education system would accomodate us more. I had a lot of problems in school (although I wasnt diagnosed - my aspie cousin had a lot of problems too though and they knew he had AS)

There's no treatment directly for AS, but a lot of people have other things that come along with it (like OCD, anxiety etc) and these can be treated sometimes

Like you said though, the best thing is just self-discovery and being able to know why you have always been different, instead of just giving yourself a hard time

How old are your kids? If they're very young and have AS/autism then you might wanna look into things that could help them in high school, as the teenage years are often the most difficult for people with AS

0031, I don't think it was ethically wrong of you to suggest that he might have Asperger's syndrome; even if he thinks of 'Rain Man' when it comes to the autistic spectrum, it's never too late to be informed by someone who knows at least a little about it. In fact, I think it's better to help enlighten someone that way, than to leave them to 'find out on their own'. Even if your father-in-law isn't on the spectrum, at least he can be informed, seeing as how so many of his loved ones have -in your observation- autistic traits.

I've got 3 daughters one which are 8, 5, and 3.

The ones that are 8 and 5 both have dyspraxia- but in differing ways and degrees.
They both wear glasses. One of them has duane syndrome.

One child- the 8 year old reacts slowly to things (sometimes.) Her work tempo at school is very slow. For example, having to copy a question out of a book, and then answer the question is something that seems difficult. Whereas the rest of the class can do a few pages, she will do half a page worth.

She has problems with understanding how maths works. It doesn't help to demontrate things visually. Before she was 8, she found it difficult to have friends. Children didn't tease her, but they gave her a wide berth. Finally a girl said "shall we be friends", and now she has a small circle of friends. That girl has lesbian mothers, so I'm guessing she might have had less resistance to perceived difference, that other people might have had.

My daughter seemed to make little progress in the first academic year of learning to read, and then suddenly she could, and adeptly too.

She writes slowly. She seems to approach making the letters as if she's drawing a work of art.

If you met her, you wouldn't spot immediately that there was anything the matter. I myself wouldn't have known- only the school brought me to this rude awakening.

She does make eye contact with her family, but with others it's less, and usually no eye contact whilst talking.

I noticed that she didn't respond quickly to people that greeted her.

I've told her that Einstein and Edison had the same sort of brain and that they sometimeshad problems in their life, but they were brilliant never-the-less. I also showed her a book about an autistic boy. She told me that she also found it difficult to adjust to changes in plans. I didn't notice that myself. It seems to have boosted her self-esteem.

Tomorrow they will do an EEG to find out if she has epilepsy and absences (I think that our family doctor wants to explore all other avenues before autism.)

Thanks for all your replies. I sometimes need to discuss things relating to my family in a safe environment.

CyclopsSummers, I also live in the Netherlands (in Utrecht.)

(I just noticed your location just now!)