socializing

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Since most people diagnosed with AS have trouble socializing and usually have a specific special interest. Couldn't I solve the problem by making socializing my special interest? I might just be getting carried away a bit. Its a suggestion anyway.

I'm not an expert, but I think the problem with socializing isn't a matter of interests, I mean lots of us want to be able to socialize with people without getting weird looks, but the problem is we lack the ability to do things like understand body langauge. It's not something we can fix just because we want to.

For me, socializing just for the sake of socializing just doesn't seem to have a point. If I need to ask a question to obtain information, I'll ask it. If someone requests information from me, I'll provide an answer. Beyond that, I really don't see the point of talking.

I completely agree, I myself have been forced to learn how to socialize a little bit. I now know how to respond and react to little things I didn't know as a kid, but still there is and always will be that awkardness when I'm talking to people. Though I know how to socialize a little bit, it's not something that comes natural to me like it does most people.

I wish I could make socializing my special interest, the problem is I HATE IT!! I am very interested in body language and have studied it a lot, but I still don't get it, I end up reading nonstop on "How to tell if someone is lying", but it seems NT's lie all of the time, It doesn't help me know what to say, I usually screw up when I open my mouth.I never seem to say the right things, and things I think are OK, others tell me are inappropriate.

I can relate to the part about talking to people. I find it easier to socialize with people I have to in order to get something, like an employee at work or a teacher, then I do with family or people I want to talk to just to make potential friends. Especially when it comes to forums and message boards, it seems like no matter what I say the members always get angry with me and hate me. When I first started getting on the internet many years ago people told me I was a cybertroll, I guess because I always wanted to talk about subjects nobody cared about, felt too strongly against, or had been discussed too many times. And when people started insulting me for my opinions I would get angry. Then as I got older I started studying the way other members on forums talked and I tried to copy them. Even when I started being like all the other forum members I still found it difficult to discuss anything, and when I tried there would always be a big arguement about what I said. My biggest fault is I don't know how to argue with people, I tend to loose my temper too quickly and start saying things that make me look stupid, while the arguer and all his/her buddies get a big laugh at me and my so-called idiocy.

So I've just quit going to a lot of Message Boards because I don't know how to talk to "normal" members. It was the same in High School too, I never really talked to my classmates because they could never understand anything I said, but I had no problem talking to my teachers.

Trying to understand the process of socializing is considered 'very creepy' to talk about in normal conversation.

For most people, socializing is normal, and nothing to think about. So, if socializing is your interest, it's something to do, rather than talk about.

A tiny number of people will be interested in talking to you and helping you with it, but that's nowhere near the norm.

I recommend this book: How to Work a Room by Susan RoAne. It's out in paperback.

I want to meet people, but I've always been really awkward and shy, and when I do speak, I struggle for the right words. Things come out of my mouth in all the wrong ways, and I have a remarkable talent for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

I go to social events at my alma mater, and usually there's a reception or social hour of some kind. Beforehand I read newspapers and such, and make a note of what might be interesting to talk about (nothing controversial, just interesting), and what would be appropriate for that company. Then I rehearse approaching people I've never met, and introducing myself and trying to start a conversation. Lots of times I've been met with a cold stare, or a very curt reply, and they walk away. I've learned to think, so what? It wasn't me, it was them. I was courteous, not in their face, I respected their physical space, and all of that. I'm sincerely interested in them, who they are, what their interests are. So most of the time they pick up on that, and they overlook it if I'm a little awkward.

I really have to gather up a lot of courage to do this. All I can say is, work on it. It's a work in progress for me.