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presentjoy
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

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Joined: 24 Apr 2008
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 26
Location: Canada.

28 Jul 2009, 7:43 pm

this could also go under social stuff related to friendships, but what i call "the arc" is also vitally related to the workplace as well.

i get a new job. things are fabulous, there's a romance period -- and i believe this is pretty standard for any relationship.

i perform really well. i learn quickly, and i seem smart. in sum, i make a great impression.

but, somewhere along the way, subtly and imperceptibly, things begin to slide...

and then i feel disillusioned, unsupported, frozen out, frustrated, silenced, left behind. i see people around me somehow getting "places" that i'm not getting into. i guess they're getting something i'm not.

i left corporate environments (temp jobs and the like), i messed up the only actual salaried position i had (and long term relationship, you do the math) after 6 or 7 months. im now doing contract work as a fitness instructor, which i love, but i'm encountering the same kind of thing.

and i can't figure it out, and it's depressing me. i had one employer it felt like things were going so well with. i am teaching one class and have been conveying that i wanted to teach more, and because im a new teacher they wanted to see how things played out, but in all things have been positive. but i'm seeing that they are hiring new teachers and expanding their classes and i'm not even in the conversation. this particular situation is moot, because i'm going to relocate soon, but relocating, as we all know, doesn't do squat. wherever you go, there you are. i can find better environments, to be sure. but i just wonder if anyone notices the same thing..

it's a big arc that drops off more quickly or slowly. im not sure if it's because i'm depressive, or too self centred or neurotic or threatening (intelligence-wise) or clueless, like if people can tell after a while that i am not getting certain social things? if i fail to engage in a certain level of politics in the workplace, or a certain level of delicacy in how i interact with people (funnily, i think i am quite delicate to the point of being passive -- could this be it?)... if i'm more aggressive, this seems like i will be making things worse.

i have no idea where to begin. every new opportunity feels like a fresh start, but over time, it just feels like it sours. not enough that i fail to get good references -- i am trustworthy and hardworking -- but i feel such a lack of .. something in the end. what did i miss?


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Aoi
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Joined: 16 Jul 2009
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 683

28 Jul 2009, 9:13 pm

Your story is familiar. Having only gotten a proper job when either I was the only candidate available and someone had to be hired or I was one of many candidate, all of whom were hired, I can relate. I don't get as far into the process as you do, but inevitably I do not meet the expectations or desires of the employers.

Though I have no simple explanation for this, considerable reading suggests that ultimately it comes down to my inability to "connect" socially at a subconscious level with NTs. As an Aspie, my nonverbal communications are very limited, my emotional bandwidth narrow, and my way of thinking and reacting different from NTs.

I suspect NTs pick up on this within seconds of meeting me, since the subconscious and nonverbal communication process is apparently quite fast. Examples include "love at first sight", a phenomenon I've never experienced and cannot fathom, and the well-supported claim that interviewers decide within a minute or two at most, and unconsciously, whether or not I am going to get a job that I'm applying for.

I never thought to consider this as an arc, but perhaps that's because I haven't had the experience of actually being hired. Instead I just view it as how the world works. Much as my appearance would preclude work as a model, my brain is very good at some things, but unfortunately not the social and nonverbal communications that NTs value (though they do not realize they function in this fashion).

That said, there are Aspies here who have found ways to maneuver, means to get and keep jobs. I hope many of them will contribute their insights as to how to do this.