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Yagaloth
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17 Aug 2009, 10:18 pm

The whole thing sounds unfortunate. Learning it's a catch phrase suggests it probably wasn't intended to be mean-spirited (I've never heard anyone say it before). I'm inclined to think that's probably the sort of thing that person might say to his/her friends without thinking, and it just slipped out before the person was able to catch it. In that case, not a joke, but I think if the person said it was a joke meaning that he/she didn't mean to say it, I believe that person is being honest about not meaning to upset you.

Whether it was deliberately mean-spirited or not, though, I also thought it sounded unprofessional and in poor taste, and I agree that you were not wrong for taking it badly.

One of my own personal rules for social interaction is to avoid crudity, as I've never had a face-to-face social situation where cursing, bathroom humor, taboo subjects, or anything that could sound disrespectful have worked in my favor. I'm not so sure I've ever experienced any social situations where it has worked well, in fact.

I guess there are some people who can say something like that and make it work out, but I'm definitely not one of them, and I have a hard time imagining anyone else "pulling that off" either.

You might win some points for yourself if you forgive the person and explain you take things like that very literally, say you realize now he/she probably didn't mean anything personal by saying it, ask him/her not to say anything like that again, and then pleasantly let the subject drop and get back to business as quickly as possible without dwelling on it. If that person is genuinely sorry, then he/she will almost certainly appreciate the opportunity to "save face", and effectively owe you a small favor, and that small, relatively inconsequential favor is something you might be able to take advantage of if you provide that person with an "out" in the form of a small favor that person can give you in return (and in my experience the sooner the favor can be returned, the better, as otherwise that imbalance seems to fester until the other party actually resents having that disadvantage hanging overhead.) It all seems a bit silly to me, at least, but for some reason that seems to be the way that most people I've known seem to work.



pschristmas
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17 Aug 2009, 11:02 pm

Some things that might sound witty in sit-com dialog just don't translate well to real life. Some folks don't seem to realize that.



elderwanda
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18 Aug 2009, 4:30 pm

Yagaloth wrote:
One of my own personal rules for social interaction is to avoid crudity, as I've never had a face-to-face social situation where cursing, bathroom humor, taboo subjects, or anything that could sound disrespectful have worked in my favor. I'm not so sure I've ever experienced any social situations where it has worked well, in fact.



That's a good rule.



CanadianRose
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11 Sep 2009, 9:48 pm

I'll let the supervisor determine whether your co-worker was inappropriate in this particular circumstance

What is more important is that you do not appreciate this kind of language.

Should someone ever use this kind of language with you again, a good response would be "when you use a word like "b*ch", I feel hurt. I respect your explanation that using this language is your way of joking, but this kind of humour makes me uncomfortable, I need you to use respectful language with me."

This is a classic "non-violent" way of speaking. You can check out a website for Non Violent Communication. I have taken courses in it as it has helped me to speak respectfully to others and respond well to uncomfortable comments like your co-workers'.

The key parts of non-violent communication is that you use neutral language. In my response, I did not say that "b*tch" is a 'bad word' or 'vulgar' or that the co-worker was 'unprofessional.' I used the exact word without any judgment call. I then stated its' effect on me "hurt" "uncomfortable" and stated what I needed to feel comfortable (in this case - respectful language).

This type of response will let others know your boundaries in a clear, neutral, gentle way.