Am I just a late bloomer?



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Blanford
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Sun Jan 29, 2006 1:07 am

What the hell is wrong with me?

I've never had a serious girlfriend. I've been told some girls have been interested in me, but I still never act on the impulse, for fear that they're just trying to hurt me in some way. Either that, or they're too stupid, ugly, or anything else.

I've been teased about it so much at school, that I believe my physical form is probably the main antagonizer of it.

Also, I like to talk about intellectual things a lot, where as most girls don't.

And I have trouble making eye contact. And that always messes me up. Always.

Even if I could get a date, I'd be very demanding or manipulative with her. So, I've decided that I'm not right for marriage, and I've decided I'd be best off with One Night Stands for the rest of my life. No way could I ever do a long term relationship, my personality would forbid it.

And I hate this part about myself, but never would I change myself in any way, because I love being weird. I love being weird, but I hate that it doesn't attract women in any way, shape, or form.

Any late bloomers out there besides me?



dexkaden
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Sun Jan 29, 2006 1:25 am

Blanford wrote:
Also, I like to talk about intellectual things a lot, where as most s don't.

And I have trouble making eye contact. And that always messes me up. Always.

...And I this part about myself, but never would I change myself in any way, because I love being weird.

Any late bloomers out there besides me?


Hey, that's me, kind of. Except insert boyfriend/guy instead of friend/girl. I've been on two dates in my entire life (both in high school, both guys from church.) I feel the same way about talking---what I care about isn't what a lot of people care about. I like to talk about stuff of substance, but a lot of guys seem to talk only about football (right now since it's the Superbowl or something), or baseball, or just sports.

I have a friend now who's in medical school and he was the only guy I've met who can carry on a decent conversation. (Of course, it could just be my inability to carry on a conversation that keeps me from having them with anyone else...:?)Too bad he's just a friend, I guess.

The eye contact thing seems to be, by far, the thing most people have a problem with, which I don't understand.

It bothers me sometimes, but mostly because everyone around me seems to feel as if it is somehow wrong or unnatural that I should be okay with being 22 and single/not /not-really-looking. Then I feel bad.

But I like myself too much to worry about stuff like that. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, then oh well---I've got a lot of good books to read.


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Blanford
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Sun Jan 29, 2006 1:39 am

dexkaden wrote:
...I've got a lot of good books to read.


Ha, yeah, so do I.

Well, I was just no talking to a rather--gorgeous--girl on the internet, that lives in my town, and quote:

Girl: omg ur like a braniac person

Me: How?

Girl: i mean ur realy weird but mabe ur kind of normal

Me: Um, okay.

Girl: i g2g buh bye ttyl

*Girl leaves.*

I had recently been telling her about how civilization would lead to Point B instead of Point A (Today) if certain individuals and cultures had acted or thinken differently.



TheGreyBadger
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Sun Jan 29, 2006 9:54 am

I guess a better place to find people who understand is a place like a science fiction club (never had any trouble there!) or maybe one of the student groups at the university if you can find one that deals in your major interests. (Or online - for the interest mentioned, www.fourthturning.com --- they're the ones that put me onto this forum).

Good luck - they're out there. Rare, but there.



buffetoflies
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Sun Jan 29, 2006 11:19 am

Blanford wrote:
What the hell is wrong with me?

I've never had a serious girlfriend. I've been told some girls have been interested in me, but I still never act on the impulse, for fear that they're just trying to hurt me in some way. Either that, or they're too stupid, ugly, or anything else.

I've been teased about it so much at school, that I believe my physical form is probably the main antagonizer of it.

Also, I like to talk about intellectual things a lot, where as most girls don't.

And I have trouble making eye contact. And that always messes me up. Always.

Even if I could get a date, I'd be very demanding or manipulative with her. So, I've decided that I'm not right for marriage, and I've decided I'd be best off with One Night Stands for the rest of my life. No way could I ever do a long term relationship, my personality would forbid it.

And I hate this part about myself, but never would I change myself in any way, because I love being weird. I love being weird, but I hate that it doesn't attract women in any way, shape, or form.

Any late bloomers out there besides me?


yes, me, for one.

1.) i've been asked out, but have turned them all down. I think this is just because I cannot stand the thought of spending time with another person.
2.) eye contact issues also
3.) I didn't get my drivers license till the end of november 2005. Most everybody else got theres in 2002.
4.) I have any to have a job. Again most people my age get them when they turn 16. Or sometimes even 15.
5.) I like intellectual things too. But most guys just like sex....
6.) I refuse to change!



jman
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Sun Jan 29, 2006 11:31 am

Ok BlanFord No.1 based on the conversation you posted it seems these girls lack substance and aren't worth your time. Also based on what you have said you might want to check out groovydruid's article on small talk and flirting.



dexkaden
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Sun Jan 29, 2006 12:24 pm

TheGreyBadger wrote:
I guess a better place to find people who understand is a place like a science fiction club (never had any trouble there!) or maybe one of the student groups at the university if you can find one that deals in your major interests. (Or online - for the interest mentioned, www.fourthturning.com --- they're the ones that put me onto this forum).

Good luck - they're out there. Rare, but there.


I love that book! I can't remember if they talk about the Tytler Cycle in that book, but if not, you might want to research that. It is rather fascinating.


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Blanford
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Sun Jan 29, 2006 1:08 pm

jman wrote:
Ok BlanFord No.1 based on the conversation you posted it seems these girls lack substance and aren't worth your time. Also based on what you have said you might want to check out groovydruid's article on small talk and flirting.


I already checked out the article.

And I give these girls a chance, they just don't give me one.



McManager
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Sun Jan 29, 2006 2:41 pm

Blanford wrote:
So, I've decided that I'm not right for marriage, and I've decided I'd be best off with One Night Stands for the rest of my life. No way could I ever do a long term relationship, my personality would forbid it.


Wow, really you feel that way? I sort of feel the exact opposite. I don't trust people enough so I generally don't go for anything even near a fling. If it isn't for a long-term deal, I'm not in to it. This of course presents a roadblock as you don't go from not knowing someone to marriage. For me my Aspie tendencies decrease as I become more at ease with a person. I.e. better eye-contact, better understanding of what kind of statement won't get me knocked out, better verbal communication, etc...

Also I'll note that it's not a good thing to be alone. In my case, I've noticed a large increase in my Aspie tendencies since I've moved out on my own --> much more stimming/rocking, more need for structure, worse eye-contact with my family... I think being around people I become more aware or self-concious of what I'm doing so I work on it.

Anyone else share these observations of their own behaviours?



hale_bopp
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Sun Jan 29, 2006 10:07 pm

My first Question is How old are you?



alex
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Sun Jan 29, 2006 11:11 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
My first Question is How old are you?


He's a student so I'm guessing he's college aged.


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hale_bopp
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Mon Jan 30, 2006 12:01 am

alex wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
My first Question is How old are you?


He's a student so I'm guessing he's college aged.


"student" could mean anything from like, 5 to whenever. It doesn't really mean anything.



Absolute_Zero
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Mon Jan 30, 2006 1:36 pm

Does autism not mean "SELF"? The worst enemy for most aspies in dating is that they usually look inward to themselves. I did that for the longest time, first it was self loathing (giving the pity trip) and then it was more narcissism (i've been using that word alot lately). Whether I talked about my horrible past or the fights and races I won, either way..girls didn't like hearing about me all the time. Aspies have this tendancy to think inward but it's not impossible to reverse. Others around us can pick this behaviour up really quickly and it is an instant turn off. I have had alot more luck meeting new people lately because I tried to take on people as an interest. It's a fine balance when you are interracting with others. You can talk about yourself but you have to mix in some questions about others and neutral topics as well. It takes awhile to change but I assure you it works. Don't expect this to be an instant date fix either. It takes time to get comfortable and get used to it.

And.. special note to Blandford: Take your time, the intellectual girls are out there. Don't expect too much or too little. Just keep going, make mistakes, learn, repeat..that's life. Don't get too worked up about it, you're not alone. :)



OmbooHankvald
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Tue Jan 31, 2006 7:56 am

Blanford wrote:
I've been told some girls have been interested in me, but I still never act on the impulse, for fear that they're just trying to hurt me in some way.


You took the words right out of my mouth!
My past experiences have been with girls who actually tried to hurt me (i.e. make me stupid in front of the class and then dump me). It has left me with some kind of paranoia regarding girls - "is she nice to me then she's probably trying to hurt me in some way" :roll:

I'm gonna be watching this thread. Even though I am 18 I feel like a "late bloomer" (I know it probably isnt "late")



Blanford
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Tue Jan 31, 2006 10:33 pm

I'm fourteen.

Yes, I know I'm probably too young to be worrying completely about this, but even at my age I'm lagging way behind.

The girl I liked the other day asked me why I was so weird. :(



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