Do you hate other people coming over to your house?



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persian85033
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06 Sep 2009, 8:19 pm

I know we have a thread for when you don't like to go to other people's houses. http://www.wrongplanet.net/postxf106583-0-15.html I don't like it either, but going to other people's houses doesn't bother me half as much as when other people come over. Especially when you have no clue!! !

I'm looking forward to a relaxing three day Labor Day weekend. I have it all planned out. My usual routines on Sat and Sun, with of course, the except that my brother's coming over, but I'm prepared for that, as I've known for quite a while. And of course, Mon sleep in, relax, watch SuperDucktales, and squeeze some Batman Beyond and Batman TAS episodes, along with maybe a couple of TaleSpin before my regular soap operas start, and be relaxed and recharged for work on Tues.

When I get out of the shower, notice something outside, and...my grandparents and my cousin are here. Now, this I absolutely hate, because there's never any warning. Whenever they're here, you just never know when they're going to show up announanced. Or my parents are going to tell me we have to go to my aunt's or something. Or they come up with the 'brilliant' idea for us to go someplace. I don't go to my aunt's anymore, no matter how much I get in trouble.

Now, see, it's not that I want to be rude, but it always ruins everything. I like my days...the same, I guess you could say. And I try very hard for this. I try to ignore everything and just try to make my day like it always is. And of course, I get in trouble.

It's not that I don't want to see them. It's that when they're here, it's very disruptive. Can't think of a better term. I can't concentrate on my cartoon/movie/soap opera, whatever, cause there are voices that don't 'belong' here. Then they have the annoying habit to walk into my room MY ROOM unnannounced. Then they touch my things, and everything in the house. My mom likes to loan them my things, the chairs are out of place, they invade one's privacy, the lights are all on, they make noise, they tease you, and overall, it's just very draining.

It breaks one's routine/plans, it's disruptive, it's annoying! There'll be little hope of getting relaxed this weekend. And as they're here for two wks, I'll be spending the two wks with my nerves on edge, terrified each minute that I'm going to hear the doorbell, that my parents are going to say we're going to go visit. Yet...I am quite rude, I have no consideration, I'm a child, I'm stupid, I'm immature, I'm rude, I'm retarded, I need to grow up, I mistreat people, I don't care, I like to hurt them, well, if they want it, true, all of it. But you know, I would like for someone to have some consideration for me. Or at least try. Just the try would be very good.

Like that you see that someone's invaded your own comfort zone space. I only leave to go to work, for anything else, very reluctantly, and when I get back, I'm always extraordinarily relieved at seeing the table, chairs, my cat's dishes, fountain and feeder, well, everything.

Sometimes I feel like...I'm worn out but like my brain's worn out, not like if I was exercising or something. Any one else have that issue?



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06 Sep 2009, 8:34 pm

Most situations where I have to pretend to be interested in other people is draining for me, but as you said, it is so much worse when they enter my "territory", especially unannounced.

I have my routine and when people show up unannounced, not only do they destroy my plans for the day, I am put out further because I know I must now socialize and pretend what they have to say is interesting to me.

I don't mind the occasional change in my routine, but I need advanced warning to prepare, otherwise I become very irritable.


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Willard
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06 Sep 2009, 8:34 pm

The problem is, it isn't actually YOUR house. You need a place of your own, where you can simply refuse to answer the door when you don't feel up to socializing.

Yes, my stress levels go over the top as well, when people show up unannounced and can't take a hint when it's TIME TO LEAVE. Takes me days of isolation to decompress from that.

The holidays are just as bad. I love my family and relatives, but after an hour of people chattering about inane, irrelevant BS, spouting illogical, ill-informed opinions on subjects they know nothing about and children squealing and running around like savages I'm worn to a frazzle, and all I've been doing is standing in the corner stimming and waiting until I can leave without seeming rude.

Here's another pet peeve: people who phone, and getting the machine or voicemail, simply say "Hey, its me - are you there? Pick up if you're there. Well, call me, I wanted to talk to you" ...ABOUT WHAT!? That's what a message machine is for - LEAVING A MESSAGE! If you want a call back, tell what I'm going to have to talk about so I can be somewhat mentally prepared. I have no desire to just chit-chat. At least not with you (its always the people I least want to have a conversation with who do this chronically). :roll:



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06 Sep 2009, 8:46 pm

Yes! It makes me so nervous, it drives me insane.


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Lilactiger
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06 Sep 2009, 8:51 pm

I hate people coming over unannounced, my house needs to be perfectly tidy or else I pretty much won't let them in. I'm hoping this will change when I move to my new house as it causes problems with my husband who likes to entertain..I think it stems partially from my need for everything to be perfect and partially from the fact that I like to use my own space to recharge. Either way I totally understand..it will get a bit easier when your own space and can control who comes and goes a bit better...



persian85033
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06 Sep 2009, 8:59 pm

Yes! That's it! The invasion, disruption, etc. Especially showing up unanounced. If one knows that it's going to happen, well, one may not like it, but...if it's happening, it's happening and at least you know to prepare. Mentally, anyway. And yeah, you never know when they're going to leave.

You are quite right that it really isn't my house. I live with my parents. I'd infinitely love a place of my very own, but that's not very likely, as if I have one of my seizures, I can only just lie there until my migraine goes away, and the pain in muscles goes away, so I can get up and get to the phone, or just go on with my life. But I'm hoping my parents will respect one agreement. We're getting a new house, and as I'm a first time buyer, we can get something much bigger, and it will be like at my name. We've already agreed that I will get apart from my bedroom, another room which I will turn into my 'workroom', or 'dayroom', what I'm hoping, is, if not that floor of the house, then at least my rooms will remain inviolate. And I mean INVIOLATE.

Yet, see, I'm not saying people can't come over, as it's their house, but I do ask a minimal respect for my privacy, as in people, who cares if they're relatives, coming into my room, and my mother coming in every three minutes, and telling me to come out. I won't be rude, but I would like to be left alone. Especially have some time alone, peace and quiet, after they're gone. My ears are very good, and, er, sometimes I can hear conversations through walls. :oops: Unintentionally, I assure you!

Ugh. I HATE children. Fortunately, none of my cousins is so young anymore. Just the other day I was rude to my favorite cousin, just because the unexpected visit, and my mother's 'come out/what's your problem/what's with the attitude' got me so upset, I was rude to him, too. And I honestly have no intention to be, believe it or not! Whether people believe it or not, it does like you said, drive me insane. But I just can't help it. I do my best, but as always with everything, my best just isn't good enough. Probably never will be.



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06 Sep 2009, 9:05 pm

I too dislike unannounced arrivals. I rarely have any at this point, since my family is quite small and not at all local. I hope those of you who might have unexpected guests survive.



princesseli
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06 Sep 2009, 9:59 pm

It depends if whether or not the guests are here to see me or someone else, also how much they disrupt me. At home, I dont mind when my moms friends come over cause they dont make that much noise nor stay for long. I get annoyed when my sisters friends come cause they are annoying and talk about stupid things. When Im at my dorm, I dont mind guests but they always let me know ahead of time and I dont get visited too often. In fact I'd like if people came to my room more often. Im the 1 always going to someone else's room.



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06 Sep 2009, 10:02 pm

I don't mind company when I'm visiting family over the holidays, as long as I have a place to regenerate.

I have mostly solitude when I am in school.


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luvmycutebaby
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06 Sep 2009, 10:05 pm

I don't like unannounced visits either, it leaves me unsettled. I need time to prepare myself for socializing. Usually when people are over I keep thinking, "When are they going home? When are they going home?" I hate feeling like I have to entertain people, I'm not very entertaining at all. It stressed me out and depending on how well I know someone it can cause me a great deal of anxiety. I hate small talk, it seems pointless to me, and I'm not close enough to most people to have deep conversations.



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06 Sep 2009, 10:40 pm

I don't even like it when the postman knocks on my door, to let me know he left a package. People dropping by always disrupt and upset me. I like my house to be clean, and I like to know who is coming, why, and for how long they are staying. I once had a former acquaintance keep phoning and wanting to chat. I took too long to answer one of her inane calls, and she actually stopped by! I was lounging about in my pajamas, and was pretty well annoyed when she knocked. She said she was just checking to see if I still lived here! I made it clear I wasn't going to ask her in, since I hadn't invited her there. :evil:


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06 Sep 2009, 11:24 pm

I hate it when people come over. I'm Greek background, and my parents, relatives and friends (in the generation above mine) just don't realize what huge, gigantic stereotypes they are. Greek people tend to always be involved with each other, showing up unexpectedly, and sometimes even if there's no one home, they'll come in and make themselves a coffee, hang around, then leave. One friend of my Dad's cut down my Mum's roses because they were sticking out into the driveway and the thorns were scratching the cars. That made me really angry. Could he be any more intrusive?

He's the kind that yells out my and my sister's names because he thinks it's funny and also doesn't want to hear what I have to say because I'm only 19 and I know nothing.

There's another guy that my Mum knows, he's also Greek, and he actually has the balls to say the following to me, "50 cents if you want to talk," and he'd say it whenever I tried to say anything. He was there to install our new fridge, and he hung around after it was finished. There's no logic in that for me. I was in the computer room with the door closed, as always, and Dad called me outside to where they were sitting. "Make us coffees," he said simply. @#$%. I made the @#$%ing coffees and gave them to them, and proceeded to go back inside (and away from people), and Dad said, "Hang around for a bit." This is totally destructive to my attitude and my day.

I sat down, the other guy started to ask me about Uni. I said it was going well. I can't remember how the rest of the conversation went after that, as it was all inane, pointless crap, as almost all conversations are. I remember I started to explain to him something a bit more in-depth than normal, and it was a topic I really cared about, so I started to ramble a bit, but I was always aware that I didn't want to be there. I mentioned some of my ambitious ideas regarding films and music, and he cut me off, saying to my Dad, NOT me, "He's young; no experience," and started an entirely new conversation with my Dad. What a @#$%.

There's a reason I don't like talking to people, and this is one of them; the behaviours of my parents and their acquaintances, and my relatives, are all deep-rooted in the Greek tradition, which is decidedly anti-Aspie. I'm lucky I live in Australia, and that the people I actually like talking to at Uni are not very talkative.


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DarrylZero
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06 Sep 2009, 11:46 pm

I don't have this problem. Aside from landlord/maintenance visits, nobody visits me. :cry:



Mdyar
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07 Sep 2009, 12:04 am

Yea its very disruptive to me.



Last edited by Mdyar on 11 Sep 2009, 3:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sati
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07 Sep 2009, 12:54 am

I usually don't get any visitors, unannounced or otherwise. But if someone were to come by without a prior warning or invitation I would be very annoyed.



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