A Bit OT: SCARED

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I have a kid on the way, approximately 4 months along. There has been a lot of crap going on surrounding the pregnancy that has made me very scared. I blogged about my fears.

I don't know what to do.

It sounds to me like you're doing all the right things. No one is an expert parent before the fact. The key is an unyielding commitment to the child's well being and I don't see you failing in that regard. You can learn the rest and it sounds like you're doing that. This sounds like a power play on her mother's part and she may be influencing the case worker. I think you need an advocate of your own but I wouldn't know how to go about it. Maybe someone else will.

I am going to start with some questions. I've read your blog and I hear your fears, and I want to help if I can, but there is much about the situation I don't know, and being the pragmatic sort I don't want to tell you anything that will mislead you.

If Kate is an adult but under the control of a guardian, what were the factors that allowed the court to make this decision?

What is your situation? Are you living independently? Are you financially independent?

How old are both of you?

If you would like Kates input she just commented

http://www.aspieweb.net/fears-disabled- ... ment-12845

She has also touched on it briefly in her blog

http://www.lifewithfas.com/abuse-kid-or-mom/

Based on the new information, I suggest you find an attorney who can advise you on asserting your rights as a father. There may be some roadblocks there, given the things that have already been claimed against you, but an attorney will know much better than I how to untangle all that. Get your parental rights set in stone first, and that may ease the rest. That is what my instincts tell me, at least.

Also, don't be afraid of wrestling custody from Kate if you have to. You won't be wrestling it from her as much as all those controlling her. If you gain custody of the baby, the others involved may well decide that keeping the two of you separated is now a non-issue. It would be a lot of leverage.

DW_a_mom,

AspieFireMan is living on the streets at the moment (is that still right?).
Kate is in adult foster care.

I'm not familiar with the available facilities in the US - families with those sort of issues would be well cared for in Australia but I think the US welfare system leaves a lot to be desired.

Sorry for the numbered points... it's just the way I think....

1. No Fear.
Whatever will be, will be. Fear won't help you. It's an unnecessary thing which will cloud your judgement. You'll have to (somehow) get rid of it. Z, you're gonna be a dad! Let it sink in. It's great. Brilliant. Right now, Kate doesn't need someone consumed by fear. She needs you to be positive. You will get through this.

2. Become Independent
Right now, you're in this predicament mainly because you have to depend on other people. Basically, this gives other people control. You need to find a way to become independent. To do that, you'll probably have to visit a whole heap of adult support places. Yeah, I know that you'll be dependant on some of these places then but it's better to depend on established support than people who could change their minds at any time.

3. Take Control
As much as you can, you and Kate need to take control. If possible, this means that you need to get Kate to a position where she can walk in and out of support without having to stay. There's going to be some difficult times with the baby - they don't come with manuals - and she'll need to be able to get help. There's a big difference between getting some assistance and having your baby taken off you. Don't let it happen. If it looks like happening, you need to raise hell with the local services. There's gotta be free legal assistance etc. Find someone who knows about these things in your country/area and talk to them.


These could be the most important decisions you make in your life. Your NEW family is important.
Drop everything and do what you can to support them.

I know people who have given up their children (or had them taken from them). It might seem like a good idea at the time but it's not something you'll find easy to recover from. You don't want to look back on your life with regret.

For those following the situation Katelyn got great news today.

http://www.lifewithfas.com/no-trust/

http://www.aspieweb.net/stupid-people/

it just got messy again. But atleast we cleaned the fake friends out