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Seanmw
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26 Oct 2009, 3:20 pm

I'm experimenting with a new poem type.
trying to sound more lyrical...
thoughts? comments? does this sound lyrically good at all :) ?


I’m homeward bound but I don’t know
Where I am walking lost and found
Where no one gives a damn
(Could you give a damn?)
It’s lonesome, this small town


These soles so worn, and their souls torn
Where are we? They walk the street
Passing each other silently, such brevity
Ghosts haunting those living shells
Can you tell? Could you tell?
The windows are shuttered, nobody’s home
They’re all drifting, set to roam
Where are we? Can you see? Could you please?


I’m homeward bound but I don’t know
Where I am walking lost and found
Where no one gives a damn
(Could you give a damn?)
It’s lonesome, this small town


Let’s play a game of 21
Cards or booze, now what’s your take
Weary eyes make great mistakes
When we decide to perpetrate; such great mistakes...
Faces and aces show, but who’s to say you won
When you’re the next hit and run?
Broken glass and loaded guns
empty chambers filled to shatter, all that matters


I’m homeward bound but I don’t know
Where I am walking lost and found
Where no one gives a damn
(Could you give a damn?)
It’s lonesome, this small town


Rain reveals the hollow man, a hollow man
Where he stands, he understands
skies reflect the scene below, seeming to know
a storm’s coming, are you coming?
I think it’s time to leave, don’t grieve, just think
pull the plug, i'm no gravedigger
They can tend my plot, this sorry lot
This town’s gone cold, nothing matters, all in tatters


I’m homeward bound but I don’t know
Where I am walking lost and found
Where no one gives a damn
(Could you give a damn?)
It was lonesome, that small town
no one stays, we walk away, so far away


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DeaconBlues
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26 Oct 2009, 3:25 pm

Interesting poem. I don't know the Northstar you're referring to, though - thought for a moment you were talking about the guy from Marvel Comics, and wondered, "So, you're going to run really fast, and come out of the closet in the middle of a fight?"


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Seanmw
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26 Oct 2009, 3:37 pm

DeaconBlues wrote:
Interesting poem. I don't know the Northstar you're referring to, though - thought for a moment you were talking about the guy from Marvel Comics, and wondered, "So, you're going to run really fast, and come out of the closet in the middle of a fight?"
lol :lol:
No, Northstar is a band :).
if you're interested, "Rigged and Ready" & "Taker not a Giver" are a couple of good songs by them to check out.


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Seanmw
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26 Oct 2009, 5:31 pm

*sigh* somehow i bet i could get more replies making a thread about cheese dip :roll:

maybe there's a reason poets are the starving artists of the writing world :lol:


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Dancyclancy
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27 Oct 2009, 6:44 pm

Seanmw! a wee bit impatient today eh!

:wink: Don't know Northstar...... am a demi-semi-geri!

As lyrics for a song......... works very well.

Can see the stanzas and refrain...... work better as a song than as a poem per se.

As I don't know the group you refer to I'm not qualified to comment further. :D



Dancyclancy
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28 Oct 2009, 11:12 pm

Maybe I should have replied to your cheese dip comment!


:? :(



Seanmw
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29 Oct 2009, 3:13 pm

Dancyclancy wrote:
Seanmw! a wee bit impatient today eh!

:wink: Don't know Northstar...... am a demi-semi-geri!

As lyrics for a song......... works very well.

Can see the stanzas and refrain...... work better as a song than as a poem per se.

As I don't know the group you refer to I'm not qualified to comment further. :D
thank you :)

the cheese dip comment will not be necessary however :lol:


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Dancyclancy
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02 Nov 2009, 6:12 pm

Hi Seanmw!
Try the cheese dip!


*sigh* I know how you feel.


If the OP doesn't participate what is the point?


PS I have been published .
POETRY! YES!

UNI DEGREE in English Literature YES!
Also other.........degrees pushed myself via my special interests,
Qualified to comment.....YES!



Who_Am_I
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02 Nov 2009, 11:18 pm

I like this one better than the other's you've posted.


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visagrunt
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03 Nov 2009, 3:48 pm

I haven't read any of your other work, but there's certainly a strong lyrical feel to this piece. The repetition of the refrain puts the poem solidly in the realm of musical, rather than declamatory poetry.

I'm not really the right person to comment on the substance of the poem, as my personal taste in poetry runs to much more structured, conventional form. (Yeah, I like frameworks and structure, so sue me!) But I can certainly recognize good work!


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Seanmw
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16 Nov 2009, 1:39 pm

Dancyclancy wrote:
Hi Seanmw!
Try the cheese dip!


*sigh* I know how you feel.


If the OP doesn't participate what is the point?


PS I have been published .
POETRY! YES!

UNI DEGREE in English Literature YES!
Also other.........degrees pushed myself via my special interests,
Qualified to comment.....YES!
awesome :o

how'd you get it published though?? i've heard it's relatively hard with poetry versus other forms of writing haha


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Seanmw
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16 Nov 2009, 1:42 pm

visagrunt wrote:
I haven't read any of your other work, but there's certainly a strong lyrical feel to this piece. The repetition of the refrain puts the poem solidly in the realm of musical, rather than declamatory poetry.

I'm not really the right person to comment on the substance of the poem, as my personal taste in poetry runs to much more structured, conventional form. (Yeah, I like frameworks and structure, so sue me!) But I can certainly recognize good work!
Thank you :)

and typically most of my poetry is structured haha.
if you're interested in seeing some of my more structured pieces maybe you'd like to check out my blog?

i have a fair number structured in a format of 8-syllable lines with every other line rhyming for example


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