What is it like to have Asperger syndrome

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This is not old to me, as it is the first time I've seen it.

I had a hard time growing up, but life is now quite good. There are some definite differences between me and other people, however:

I feel far more at home in the company of cats and dogs than in the company of most people, especially strangers in a crowded room. I tend to dislike crowds.

My interests are far different. I am 42 years old and like Roger Bannister, who became the first person to break the four minute mile. On my DVE of Four Minutes, there is an enhanced feature that has his real race at Iffley Road.

I tend to identify with Roger Bannister when he talked about his earlier days. He was very smart and liked the academic aspects of school, but found socialization difficult. He felt inferior, despite being very smart.

9catmom, are you sure you're a Yank ???

Honestly, for me, it isn't very fun. I've become very pessimistic because of it. I was diagnosed when I was ten years old (I'm nineteen now), and every day I struggle with it. Not to say that I don't embrace it at times, but I do wish more often than not that it would just disappear. But I live with it because there's no way I can change it. It's not like there's a magic drug or anything like that to heal us. I was never beat up, but I was more of a loner for a while. I had one best friend and he understood me but other than that, it took several years (my junior year in high school, to estimate) before I made others that I knew I could trust. I was never explicitly targeted, but I knew some were there to use me, and honestly, if they got off my back after that, I let them. I never really wanted to be happy but I ended up like that anyway for most of high school.

Yeah, a lot of people have said it all for me too. I didn't see it mentioned anywhere but one thing I do is repeat words and phrased, I think Rainman did that. The best way I know how to describe that is to me it's like listening to a record or cd and it gets stuck on 3-4 consecutive words and repeats it over and over and over. Then you realized it and it's like "Uh, stop it" and have to give the cd or record player a nudge to make it go. It annoys me when I realize I'm doing it but I do it almost all the time. Like sitting her now, I might say to myself, either whispering it or in my mind, I'm thinking "I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking".

So that on top of many, many other things others have mentioned is AS for me.

I am a third generation American on my father's and of German descent on my mother's. I like Roger Bannister because he was very talented and intelligent, and, I suspect is a very successful person with Asperger's. He was considered "different" from other athletes of his day.

In my life, AS means living in my head, in my own little world.
It means no matter how many people I'm with, I'm alone.
It means I care about mankind in an impersonal way, but I don't really care much about individuals outside my immediate family.
It means I'm blunt and straightforward.
It means people always misinterpret what I'm saying because they think I must have some other underlying meaning.
It means my hearing is sensitive and noises that don't bother other people hurt my ears and scramble my brain.
It means I don't know when someone is joking around with me if they keep a straight face; I take them seriously.
It means sometimes I just can't face people and spend days or weeks without emerging from my house.
It means I hate talking on the phone and will avoid both answering calls and making them.
It means I don't understand many social conventions; they seem to me to be pointless and irrational.
It means I cannot focus on conversations or topics that don't interest me.
It means I immerse myself in a subject 24/7 until I know all I can about it, and then something else piques my interest...
It means I cannot tell if someone has ulterior motives or bad intentions.
It means people accuse me of having no sense of humor because it's different than theirs.
It means I am exhausted by the stress of interacting with people and need to be alone a lot to recuperate.
It means nobody really gets close to me, into my "inner sanctum".
That is what my AS is like for me.

its realizing once you get older that people actually now value your intellect

its being frustrated at school for holding you back because they waste your time doing stupid stuff, when you could be spending your time actually learning.

its suffering extremely severe depression from the change of a move at 6 and at 10 years old.

its wanting to be little again because you are scared that you are old now and it can never be the way it was before, and getting depressed when you look at photo albums

its not wanting change. I hate watching my little brothers and sister grow up

its coming to think that being different is who you are, that it is part of your nature to have no "equal" friendships where people actually desire to be friends with you and are not much younger. That you will always be looking up to anyone that you actually like as a friend, rather than looking at them at eye level

realizing all of that was absolute BS because you have a great personality, that people actually like your quirks and you intellect, that you have a great sense of humor and people feel honored to have your friendship

its feeling bitterness that you didn't realize this until you were 21 and all that time you spent previous was wasted.

Its feeling a painful sense of loss at the years you've lost in loneliness, and realizing that while it was partly because of you, if you had been allowed to actually go out and be part of groups rather than being sheltered by your parents, you could have thrived.

its being angry at your parents for not giving you that help that you needed. They gave you what they thought was help but they were actually destroying you, and then getting angry at you for not loving them.

its having your parents be angry at you because they try to have a relationship with you but you can't return it

Its not saying I love you to your mom for 10 years.

Its not being able to say I love you, even though you know that its all she wants to hear. Its having them think I'm making a choice, that I can just do it because its physically not impossible.

Its actually feeling depressed and regretful when you finally do say you love her, and not really mean it, you just said it because you were supposed to

Its rationalizing your behavior for years, telling yourself, no I don't have it, you can't label me, then getting to the point where you know its true but you have to keep telling yourself its not, just for your sanity (even conciously recognizing that you are lying to yourself), and finally getting to sad acceptance. And finally, to embracement. I am who I am. And AS is part of who I am. But mainly I'm a person. Many words can be used to describe who I am and I am proud of who I am. AS happens to be one of those words.

Its a word

I am not a word however. If there was any word that I am, I am a human. I am man.

Having asperger's is difficult to describe because I cannot compare it towards an NT's own perception.
I guess having asperger's is like having a gift that makes other people jealous and confused. And it is due to this jealousy and confusion that which makes asperger's a target for bullies.

I've been bullied, and it is this reason that I don't want to include in this.

For me having asperger's is more wonderfull than hindering.

It's having a deep interest in things that normal people might find boring or ordinary. (this puzzles me).

It's about thinking about these interests more frequently than work or family.

It's about being happy with these interests, and having this that makes life such a wonderfull gift.

It's about focusing on these interests and ignoring the news and problems that normal people would contend to.

It's about having such good knowledge of subjects, like aviation, that would put pilots to shame.

It's about having such a good memory and imagination that makes learning such an easy task, and an imagination of a film director.

It's about having an intelligence that can make a teacher feel as though they should be the one to learn.

It's about having interests that enables a person with asperger's to live a happier non NT life.

It's about feeling different and yet feeling superior.

It's about being unaware of NT's and the problems of self-awareness that they have to face.

It's about focusing and having interests on objects more than people.

It's about being aware of things that NT's are blind to, and being able to view the experience more personally..

It's seeing NT's flaws and quirks, and questioning thier behaviour.

Pretty strange, but I think it's liberating in a way because I don't give a s**t what anyone thinks of me, and I have a different perspective on the world than most. Sometimes it is hell, sometimes I am really happy to be the unique person I am. It varies day to day.

Dude, why are you asking what it's like to have it? You have it yourself.


For me:


You repeat the same sentances over and over and don't even know it.

You talk execcivly about something

You like things in routine and pattern

You have to plan you day before it comes

It's upsetting when plans change or soemthing doesn't happen like you expected

you hav to do things at a certain time or you will be stress or unable to relax if you don't do it

You don't care what people think of you so you just do whatever you want

You don't know what not to say

Certain clothing feels uncomfy to your skin

You are insensitve to some pain

You have troubles judging distance

You don't like your routine being disturbed

You don't see body language or notice tone in peoples' voices

You don't know how others are feeling until they tell you or you ask

Sex doesn't mean much to you

You get obsessed with certain topics

You don't know what to say

You find yourself having troubles socializing in a group of people

You only want to talk about what you want to talk about or hear what only interests you

you appear odd or weird to the world

You are unaware what you do is different

Your body postures are odd

You are hard to read because your body language is different

You tone of voice hardly changes so its monotone. It's always the same

You have troubles keeping your voice at a certain volume and you are unaware you talk loud

You don't know you are boring others about your topics

You appear cold hearted and rude to the public, selfish

You have troubles judging personal space

You don't care how you dress

You don't care to fit in

Certain smells don't bother you that would bother lot of people

You are hyposensative to certain smells or touch

You are very literal and you have troubles understanding abstract concepts, metaphors, etc.

You are naive so you are unaware of what people are trying to do to you such as a guy wanting to have sex or want you for a relationship

You are fearless to danger situations

Lot of changes stress you out

Certain noise bothers you

You have troubles showing love or care for others

You hardly show emotions or don't show any at all

Your emotions are immature

You have a short attention span so you get bored easily

You hate doing eye contact

You are shy

You talk and talk and talk and don't know when to stop

You have troubles reading between the lines

You don't know what's socially acceptable

You are very honest so you tend to be blunt. You hate to lie

You can appear eccentric

You pace or flap your arms or hands, rock, play with objects in your hand, etc

You feel calm when things are your way


and of course:


Trying to be normal takes a lot of energy out of you and you can try being normal all you want and still fail because you keep showing aspie tendancies

likedcalico,

She is curious how it affects OTHERS! And how OTHERS see it. Frankly, I am ALSO! In a way, it is NICE to see others with the same things you have!

Those with things you view as problems that you don't have make you grateful to a degree.

Those with the same oddities you have give you a feeling of community!

Those with talents you don't have encourage you to go further, and give a goal. And the lack of certain problems may make you less jealous of the good things you don't have.

Anyway, seeing such a large group gives you hope that the community will grow and get better, and maybe the human race has some promise. So much from "normal" society is just to provide for the status quo, or destroy.

Steve

i think aspergers gets better with time, like you learn how to cope with the most annoying features leaving only a few to deal with. right now the only symptoms i have are i get upset/mad if i have an appointment and i'm either not going to be on time or they're not going to be ontime. also clorine in pools really bothers me so i dont swim at all.

It means that food with disgusting textures makes me gag, and I won't eat it. (Macaroni and cheese, sushi, etc.)
It means that I've little/no patience for BS.
It means that I agree with Ben Franklin, when he said to let many know you, but to let none know you thoroughly.
It means that any skill I might have at dissembling was a purely learned affair, not instinctual.
It means that my social skills were painstakingly learned through a combination of years of formal training in psychology and sociology, extensive observation, and a great deal of interacting with people, in an attempt to find the underlying order in the apparent chaos which rules their lives. I have no instincts for such things.
It means that I regard most people as irrational automata, programmed by culture and biology to give certain responses to certain stimuli, but completely devoid of genuine thought.
It means that I highly value precision and efficiency.
It means that many of the things most other women find fascinating (movie stars, home decorating, etc.) bores the living hell out of me.
It means that I am an inveterate systemizer, cognitively speaking.
It means that most people "come off" to me as intellectually inferior and emotionally disturbed.
It means that I have no social anxiety. I am confident and extraverted... but that's because I am incapable of caring what 99.9999% of the population thinks of me.
It means that I cannot do things by halves. For any endeavor, I do not half-ass... it's either all or nothing.
It means that noisy neighbors SERIOUSLY piss me off. If even such as I can learn good manners, they have absolutely no excuse to refrain from doing so.
It means I am very literal-minded.
It means I realize that a lot of hurtful "jokes" are not in fact jokes at all, but merely a cowardly way to deliver a cutdown while avoiding the social penalty for doing so. Because I understand the TRUE spirit in which it was said, I immediately retaliate, and they learn not to do that again.
It means that I view the vast majority of humans as experimental subjects, rather than sentient beings.
It means that I have a memory bordering on photographic.
It means that my head is full of pictures of street layouts, the insides of books, the insides of people and animals (I was a bio major at one point), of significant occurrances (and people) in my life, etc. This is probably why I can't understand people who keep photo albums... I keep all that s**t in my head, where it belongs.